Do You Believe in VS Angels?

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The first time I was in a Victoria’s Secret, I purchased a “gift” for my husband. At that time the store appealed to adult women and the lingerie could be quite bawdy.  I chose a see-thru push-up bra “teddy” with a killer thong. Later that evening, during a lovely candlelit dinner, I found the undergarments so uncomfortable even I couldn’t wait to get home to take them off!

Over the years, VS has transformed their image to appeal to a younger crowd. Whenever I have crossed their threshold to buy a gift for my daughter, the salesgirls looked at me as if I was an ancient relic since I am the age of most of their mothers. I have to admit to having a drawer full of bikini and French cut undies, but only one thong “won” at a silent auction. Whenever I have considered buying their tiny panties, I would pick one up to examine it, shake my head, and set it back down into the bin of other colorful tiny panties. Since it is usually the first display in their store, I have always left before making my way to the bras.

One night my husband and I were invited to a party. I flipped through the dresses in my closet and found one I had been too shy to wear because of its plunging neckline. Realizing that décolletage is very much in style, I stuffed my push up bra, took a deep breath and slipped on the dress. I joined my now wide-eyed husband, held my head high and didn’t look down. Once I arrived, I received a few comments relating to the fact that I had exposed my curves.

“In order for me to have any cleavage at all, I need to stuff these pads into my bra.” I fished them out to show my girlfriends.

My more knowledgeable friend said, “They should look like this!” She grabbed either side of my boobs, pushed them together and continued, “All you need is a Victoria’s Secret bra. They have one that really smooshes them together.”

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Well enough said. The following week, I crept into a VS filled with teenagers and twenty-somethings as usual. With hip-hop music blaring, I scanned the predominantly pink space for the elusive bra. A youthful blonde salesclerk asked, “Are you looking for something in particular?”

I looked around not sure if she had been addressing me since the store was packed with shoppers. “A bra that smooshes my boobs together,” I responded quoting my friend.

“Do you want one that makes you 2 sizes larger?” she said rather loudly.

“No,” I replied and instantly my face heated up like a stove burner on a high setting. “I would just like some cleavage,” I mumbled.

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“I think you are looking for our ‘Very Sexy’ bra.” After showing me a few wild patterns and colors, I settled on an unadorned black bra. It looked harmless enough.

I stepped into the fitting room and took off my t-shirt and sweater. I looked at myself topless in the mirror and thought, “Don’t expect miracles. I’m over 50 years old and nursed both children. Even when I was in my twenties, my breasts were never perfect.” I couldn’t find an adjustment for the straps, so I assumed they had been let out already. I know that my breasts have slid down my chest a bit since I was a teenager, but I could barely get the straps over my shoulders. “Ouch!” I thought, “They must want them really short to force women’s breasts up to their neck! Jeez! No amount of cleavage is worth this amount of pain.”

When I marched out of the fitting room, the clerk working with another customer asked, “How did you like it?”

“The straps are way too short for me,” I said as I handed her the tortuous contraption.

I felt her restrained eye-roll when she responded, “All of our bras are adjustable.” She simply slipped both straps out and handed it back to me with a tilt of her head and a smile as she spun around to continue with the other shopper.

Now my cheeks really burned, but I turned around and paced back in to the dressing room for round 2. I could almost hear the bell ring.

With the straps at the proper length (Duh!), I put on the bra and looked into the mirror. That is when I had a moment when the pounding music ceased, an intense spotlight enveloped me from above and angels (Victoria’s Secret Angels?) began to sing “Aaaaaahhhhh!”

‘Oh, my God!” I remarked out loud as I smiled at my reflection in the full length mirror. I looked good. No I looked great! Amazing!

VictoriaSecretAngel

An actual Victoria’s Secret Angel 

I floated out of the dressing room to the register and made my very first personal Victoria’s Secret purchase since the early 1990’s.

Driving home it occurred to me that these bras are wasted on the young. As some women over 40 know, our baggy, saggy, skin can be molded into whatever shape Victoria wants. Our aging breasts just need direction and encouragement. All we have to do is bend over and tuck them in.

The VS image has changed drastically from its inception in 1977. Roy Raymond started the company to make it comfortable for men to buy lingerie for their lady friends. Every bra company tried to knock off the Wonderbra after it was designed in the 1990’s. The VS Miracle Bra quickly took the lead leaving its competitors in the dust and now I know why.

I think that Victoria’s Secret should change its image once again, this time to include a wider range of consumers. In the future, commercials could air with stylish middle-aged ladies modeling the bras. Christy Brinkley could come out of retirement along with Cheryl Tiegs, Iman, and Cindy Crawford. What about Helen Mirren? Some report she is 63 years old and others say 66, but either way she won the “Body of the Year” award in LA! And why stop there? What about a runway show?  Replace Justin Timberlake and Black Eyed Peas with Sting or Mick Jagger! They can help us “bring sexy back” too!

This could be revolutionary. All women could benefit. It could also triple the amount of money Victoria’s Secret makes annually.

The next time you are strolling by VS hold your head high and enter the pink store.  Elbow your way through the crowd of teenagers and pick out something fun to try on. Maybe the Victoria’s Secret Angels will sing to you!

What do you think of the VS image?

Do you think it should change to be more inclusive?

First photo by S. Lindau, the rest from Victoria’s Secret
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36 Comments

Filed under Humor, Life, Video

36 responses to “Do You Believe in VS Angels?

  1. I really miss the days when the VS catalog was all I needed for a happy morning

  2. Yes, I absolutely believe in Victoria’s Secret Angels, and I even know the name of the one in the picture you used for illustration. That’s Adriana Lima. (seriously) I know that Victoria’s Secret Angels also believe in me, and I’ve got the restraining orders to prove it! (not serious – kidding this time)

    You’re over 50? Get outta here! Over 50 what? 50 new WP followers today? Yeah, that’s probably what you’re over 50 of, because you just don’t look over 50 in years. I know that women like to lie about their age, but Susie, I think you’ve got this thing backwards! LOL :-)

    But just supposing that you really are over 50, I think you look great! You’re also smart and quite funny, and that makes you even better, as far as I’m concerned. And even more better, or even “hideous”, you think that I’M funny, and I’ll always go for that. ;-)

    My wife is over 50, and her looks also defy her true age. She is also smart and quite funny, and she thinks I’M funny too. (except when she’s pissed at me for talking a lot about other women who think I’m funny, and maybe I should stop doing that!)

    I agree with you that Victoria’s Secret should change it’s image to include a wider range of consumers, because I also think it would make them a lot more money, and I’d love to see Christy Brinkley and Cindy Crawford in VS commercials! It might even be enough to make me stop watching everything TiVo’d so I can blow by all the ads! Lol ;-)

    And WOW!!! GO Helen Mirren!!! I honestly hadn’t suspected that she was still that “Prime”! ;-)

    • Chris thank you so much for that! I am over 50, but I don’t really care since my life ROCKS! It is only a day marker, pretty irrelevant to the important stuff in life.
      You must crack up your wife all the time! I can only imagine your conversations at the dinner table! :)

      I did notice that this summer’s catalog included some smaller breasted women. Now if they were just a tad older…. :)
      Thanks for reading and for making my day!

  3. lynnkelleyauthor

    Haha! Great post, Susie! I hate shopping for bras. I just might try one of these someday, though. I’ll take my middle daughter with me. She shops there. Then I won’t feel so intimidated! LOL!

    • They are a well kept “secret” that is for sure! Their bras are so well made and there is something for almost every body type. You should include it in a fun girl’s day! They have great sales so you’ll want to make sure to hit one of them… :)
      Thanks so much Lynn!

  4. I purchase my underwear from the Gap, their This Will Guarantee Divorce collection. There are not enough Angels in the Cosmos to do anything about my svelte chest unless they’re all double as implant surgeons. Yet even though I would never follow you inside a VS, I agree with your light bulb about what a cash cow it would be for VS to acknowledge that there are women out there with significant purchasing power over age 25 that still want to both look and feel good.

    • I buy all of my panties at the Gap too! They have the best bikinis. You will have to step inside a VS just once and try on a few bras. You will thank me later….
      Divorce collection… **chuckle chuckle**

      • Susie, I must explain something to you — I’m a soft butch lesbian. My bras are a notch above two styrofoam saucer-sized plates held together with duct tape … But I do know someone who I am sure would be more than willing to let me have a ringside seat as she push-up bra shops in VS. That’ll work.

  5. Love your hilarious description of the search for a bra that “smooshes”! I’m going to resurrect the post I never finished on the pleasures of beautiful lingerie… Thanks for your inspiration!

  6. Great story, Susie! I LOVE their bras!

    I agree with you… they need to re-target their marketing. I feel like I am back in a junior high locker room whenever I go in there.

    Oops! Gotta run… I am going to miss my train! Bye!

  7. Great story. I don’t need a push up, and I have a hard time finding bras at VS that don’t make me feel like the girls are going to pop out. Now, my best friend swears by Intimacy Bras. They’re only in about 6 states and they don’t measure – they fit you by eye. And she says they fit great, and she does look great. There’s a store in Chicago I hope to hit some day.

    Agree on the teen thing, too. I’m 35 and always feel out of place at VS:)

    • I don’t know that we have the intimacy bras here. Sounds like a great addition!
      Since I wrote this article, the cleavage style has toned down a lot. Their recent catalog includes some smaller breasted women too. Yeah Victoria!
      Thanks for coming by Stacy. I hope you enjoy the party and meet a few new bloggers today!

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  10. Thank you Ellie!
    I know right? They should do a marketing overhaul in my opinion!

  11. Ha! I love this. I like the funny way you told this story, and I agree–VS is totally marketing the wrong crowd!

  12. Thanks for commenting! They are definitely focusing on the younger crowd. Hopefully that will change at some point. They are missing a huge market of women who have a lot more money to spend than 16-year-olds!

  13. I love my VS stuff, but — you are right — they have aged down with all that cutesy PINK stuff.

    Wait, or have I aged up?

    No, they have definitely aged down. ;-)

  14. Larry thank you so much for stopping by!
    You are not alone. My husband has always told me he is a leg man! He says the flaunted cleavage is embarrassing to him.
    I really like your comment about the importance of having a beautiful smile and sparkling eyes! Here here!!!
    I think VS should overhaul their image.
    Thanks again for reading and commenting.

    Does anyone else out there feel the same way as Larry?

  15. Couldn’t resist sticking my neck out and adding my (perhaps unique) male perspective. I actually prefer the more natural, comfortable look over the “squished” look sported by the angel above. And honestly, I find a modest, confident look more attractive than anything racy and revealing. Maybe I’m just old fashioned. But a beautiful smile and a pair of sparkling eyes does more for me than cleavage. No need to sacrifice comfort for looks, but if the two can go together, that’s awesome!
    I’d be curious to hear if other middle-aged males like me feel the same way.

    • Ha! I never saw your comment Larry! Thanks for stopping by last August..
      I agree and am thankful that the style has changed somewhat. I am not seeing the cleavage this year like last…. Yeah!
      My husband also doesn’t like it since he gets so afraid he may glance down and be “busted.” ( a little play on words there..) :)

  16. I agree, VS should be more inclusive. Forget age, I am a pear shaped 30 yr old and when I walk in I can feel all of the eyes from the perfect little bodies staring at me. I know they are thinking, “what is she doing in here?” Even pear shapes can be sexy with a little help. Right?

    • Isn’t that funny how we feel those eyes whether they are looking or not. They shouldn’t be surprised that we feel that way with how they sell their product with these insanely thin and beautiful models. To me they are really marketing to men. I wonder why???

      Thanks for taking the time to read!

  17. *sigh* I’ve always felt like an outsider in Victoria’s Secret. To have cleavage you have to have something to “smoosh” together. The upside is there’s nothing for gravity to pull down, so what I do have should stay in their rightful places into old age.

    • It sounds like a good plan! Although Mother Nature is a bitch. Hahaha!
      But seriously, I am sure you won’t have any problems.

      I do think VS could focus on other garments as well. They have beautiful clothes in their catalogs. Why don’t they have a section for them?

      Thank you so much for reading!

  18. Anonymous

    Great post!

  19. LJ

    I buy all of my clothes (under and outer) from VS. I love them! I buy from the catalogs so I’m not limited to what’s in the stores. They have great clothing!

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