She dipped her toe into the placid lake, then stepped in and submerged herself. Her body slid through the water like oil. The cold penetrated her bones the farther out she swam. Storm clouds gathered overhead and rain began to patter. She turned around while slicing through the tranquil surface. Her stomach rumbled. Something moved along the edge of the forest. She sunk back down into the lake and waited.
She lunged at the unsuspecting creature and snapped. After thrashing for a short time, it went limp. As the water turned crimson, she seemed to smile with a toothy grin.
~~~
Can you guess which animal took the evening swim?
Have you ever been afraid to go into the water?
For more 100 word flash fictions check out Madison Wood’s blog
Photo by Free Google Images
it’s a croc, I honestly afraid in water when I was a kid but when I get older I became a beach lover …
Nice! It is good to face your fears…
Thanks for coming by!
I thought a crocodile would be the winner. I thought perhaps a cattle egret landed nearby,
Awesome.. She was. Hahaha!
Thanks for reading!
I love that it was about a crocodile but lots of the description could be said about a woman. It really personified the crocodile without insulting the reader.
Here’s mine:
http://threedescriptors.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/flash-fiction-4/
That was the idea! Thanks for reading!
I enjoyed this piece. Nice twist!
I was a kid when Jaws came out, so I was afraid of the water for a while.
Thanks Theresa!
I was afraid of the water too! Jaws was an amazing movie.
I loved that song! It was a pleasant surprise.
Thanks Edward for subscribing! I am glad you liked the twist.
We’re…. Okay, I have this term ‘crack song’, which is a song that, as soon as you have listened to it, you want to listen to it again. This is a crack song.
Not to take anything from your writing! That is good too. Better than Stephen King! Even if that’s not remotely an appropriate comparison!
Wow! Thanks.
I loved that song as soon as I heard it.
Me too!
I guessed wrong…didn’t think Croc, as the cypress knee swamp picture you posted looks like my back yard…or very close proximity, anyway, and we have gators round here.
Bless You
paul
Either one is right! I wasn’t specific in my mind when I wrote it and I found the photo afterward. If you would have guessed little bunny, then I would have to say, “WRONG!” Hahaha!
Sooo good! I didn’t see that ending coming. Nicely done
Thanks Elisa! I am glad that I tricked you into thinking it was a woman going for a leisurely swim…….
Yikes! By the time I realised what she was, it was too late!
)
Nice and snappy, Susie! (Sorry, couldn’t resist!
Hahaha! Thanks for swinging by the swamp.
Nothing like a dainty croc dipping her toe in the lake. Great stuff.
A dainty croc indeed! Thanks writingbothsides!
Beautiful writing, and yes I guessed a crocodile, but only at the last moments.
for mine:
http://writetuit.wordpress.com/2012/02/12/flash-friday-soupe-du-jour/
I am glad you didn’t figure it out earlier! Thank you Judee!
Nice way to nail the unsuspecting creature… I mean reader!
Thanks Norv. I am glad it “grabbed” you!
Brilliant and in 100 words to boot! I am staying on dry land now
Thanks Chrissie! I am too……
I read this differently than everyone else did. I do LOVE that it was a croc, but all the way though, I imagined a female creature.
Well done!
The link to my drabble isL http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/white-rot/
It did start out as a story about a woman taking a midnight swim and then I got the croc idea! Hahaha!
Thanks Quill!
I would be reluctant to venture into uncharted waters. Thanks for using “she” to narrate the creature.
“As the water turned crimson, she seemed to smile with a toothy grin.” Like that. I guess another shade of beauty, I am sure August will appreciate that too!
True that! I am sure that to another crocodile, she is a beauty, blood dripping crooked smile and all!
Thanks Yatin!
100 words is, to me, a challenge. You really whipped up something real in that short length. Excellent
Oh that is so nice of you to say Words! I appreciate that. I love writing these since I never know how they are going to end until the last sentence just pops into my head!
Thank you for coming by to read.
A huge alligator :O) Great story; thanks for sharing!
She was a big one alright! Thanks for stopping by to read..
A story with real bite! Enjoyed it. (gotta love those gators)
You are too funny philosophermouse!
Thanks. I know………gulp
I had a feeling something like that was coming. LOL I have come to expect these little twists from you my dear. Well done!
I hope I never get predictable! Hahaha!
Thanks Debra.
You’re not predictable. It’s that we are both thinking like writers. I love your writing. I was totally surprised last week.
I knew what you meant. : D I love writing these twisted tales…..Thank you so much Debra!
That’s a great piece of flash fiction, Susie. Alligator or crock? I saw Jaws when it first came out, and it really spooked me! Still does!
Thank you so much Lynn! Take your pick.
I got a huge bruise on my leg from kicking the seat ahead of me when I saw Jaws in the theater. Hahaha! The guy ahead of me wasn’t too happy….
As the story started I started thinking that she’d better watch out. The prompt didn’t give me the impression I’d want to swim in that water! Haha, so it was a cute surprise when I found out who was doing the swimming
Thanks Madison!
I am glad that it surprised you.
Hi,
A great story, well done.
We have plenty of fresh water and salt water crocs, mostly in Northern Australia, there are signs warning people about them. Stick to the pool it is safer.
Exactly!
Thank you Mags!
Beautifully written, Susie. I can just hear the jaws snap shut and see the blood dripping from the corner of that toothy grin.
Thanks Russell! I remarked to my husband that I could have gotten pretty graphic If I had more words…. ; )
I was thinking it was a Deinosuchus. Which is extinct, but was an alligator, so I was close.
Nice job, like the way you toyed with us! Almost like a predator toying with its prey. Long as the animal on the bank wasn’t Bridget Fonda, you’re in my cool book.
Here’s my slightly late entry:
http://jaykayel.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/loose-lips-100-word-flash-fiction/
Jake you are a Bridget Fonda fan and I am her husband’s!! (Danny Elfman Oingo Boingo). I was thinking deer on the bank.
Thanks!
She’s married to Danny Elfman? Wow, I don’t know who I’m more jealous of.
I’d guess Alligator. As for being afraid to go into the water, well I’m not a strong swimmer to begin with. However, growing up down at the shore we would occasionally get lots of jellyfish. That always freaked me out for some reason.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! You got it right!
Jellyfish stings are nasty.
Thanks Rick!
Nope. It’s a crocodile. Thanks for stopping by!
A very sly Florida gator, reason why I do not go into the rivers or canals around here. Although…they’ve also been known to show their teeth out on the golf courses. LOL
That is so true! It happened to some friends of mine when we traveled to South Carolina to Hilton Head! They left their ball and played through! Scary!
Thanks for coming by Marcia!
Great short story
I am glad you enjoyed it 08!
Thanks for the literary interlude, Susie!
Thanks Hook!
Well, I made a nice long reply and then it vanished. I’ll try again. I love to swim at night and could relate to the what your character was feeling. Then…her stomach grumbled and I wondered if we were talking about a human at all. (I guess otter…)
~Susan (Here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
Crocodiles in fresh or swamps,sharks in oceans,pirahnas 3D in virtual
damn they do want us to live fear less
I love swimming riers,oceans…and have not met with those hungry creatures yet..
Keep your eyes open Soma!
Thanks!
What throws me is the toe. So the swimmer is human?
Mine’s at http://furiousfictions.com
Also check out a new story by Cheryl Anne Gardner in today’s Furious Fictions: http://furiousfictions.blogspot.com/2012/02/corpus-safari-cheryl-anne-gardner.html
Well I wasn’t afraid to go in the water before I read this! lol. Now…yeah, maybe I’ll stick to the bathtub.
Hahaha! Melinda – me too!
Awesome story. Crocodile I’m guessing. And I love that picture!
You got it!
Thanks Catherine!
Oh I love it! Great job. That transition from a sense of humanness — slipping her foot into the water to the snap of the jaws around an unsuspecting creature — is magnificent.
Thanks for sharing! Here’s mine: http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/trip-99/
Thanks Lime! I am glad it “grabbed” you.
Not afraid of water around these parts… you couldn’t pay me enough to go in say… Florida water.
That’s the location I was thinking of when I wrote this Nelle! Hahaha!
Swimming is not my strong suit (that’s putting it lightly LOL), but your tale makes it sound like a wonderful dream. Nice work!
Wonderful if you are a crocodile!
Thanks!
Reblogged this on dayledann.
Thank you!
Loved this!! I was imaging myself or another person swimming… what a twist at the end!! I couldn’t watch the video… everyone’s still sleeping!!
Thanks! I started to write it as a woman swimming alone at night. Hahaha!
The video is awesome. I hope you can watch it later! Your kids may like it too!
I do not do water for the same reason you wrote this story. Animals creatures you name it in that water..
Gobble Gobble hahahah
HUGGGGGG
So true! I really only feel comfortable if I can see my feet!
Did she bag Newt Gingrich?
Wouldn’t that be a tasty treat!
Crocodile! I love your writing style! Yep, a few weeks ago I was terrified to go too deep into the ocean at the Gold Coast. Apparently the sharks there can come up at waist height! :S
Thanks Maria!
You are right!
I just got a shiver when I read that about sharks. I can only go into the ocean when there are a lot of people in there as well.
I thought it was a person until the “sunk in the water” line,.Nicely done.
Thanks! I hope everyone one guesses what animal really took that evening swim……………………
Great fiction!
Thanks!