For Your Viewing Pleasure – Flash Fiction Friday

“Stop garfrumpting. He’ll hear you.”

“I can’t help it. Look at her.”

“Oh my God! What happened to everything? Where is everyone? Bobby? Sally? Billy?” The woman ran up and down the deserted road where her house once stood. The new truck Bobby had bought her last week was old and rusty.

The two Forlucks looked through the kamkrit and watched the Earthling’s reaction to her first time travel experience as they both broke into garfrumpter which eventually turned into loud snorting through their long bulbous snouts.

“I wish Earth people weren’t so boring.”

“Boring?”

“That is sarcasm. It is a type of Earthling humor.”

From an overhead speaker the commander shouted, “Hey you two Forlucks, get back to work!”

~*~*~

For more sarcasm check out Nothing But the Sound of Crickets

Did you find yourself laughing along with the aliens?

For more flash fiction from the Fictioneers check out Madison Wood’s blog

Photo by Madison Woods

This is my 100th post. Woo Hoo!

Nothing But the Sound of Crickets

Striking up conversation with random people is something I love to do especially when I am running errands. It makes a boring trip to the store much more pleasurable. Sometimes I throw in a bit of humor to add levity to an otherwise mundane situation. I think it surprises some folks so much, that it renders them dumbfounded.  While staring at the shopper/salesperson/bagger with a silly smile on my face, I wait for a reaction.

I have come up with an excuse for their blank dull stare after my feeble attempts to make someone smile. I just assume that they don’t speak English. If they respond by sighing while  giving me an eye roll, that’s when I want to channel Foghorn Leghorn. He’d say, “That’s a joke son. Now look at me when I’m talkin’ to yah.”

Foghorn_Leghorn

 

Image from Wikimedia Commons

Sarcasm is a sort of humor that is a form of teasing. It is often followed by the words, “Just kidding!” In Wisconsin, my friends and I were raised on a steady diet of this type of comedy along with cheese curds and corn on the cob. Continue reading

A Very Strange Appointment or Where is My Crown?

I recently went to my annual dental check-up. Yes, annual and not 6 month since I rarely have a problem with my teeth. When I was young, I looked forward to the cherry flavored polish and a whiter smile. If you have been following my blog, you know that nothing in my life seems to follow the usual routine and this appointment was no exception.

After signing in with the receptionist, I met the doctor who would be inspecting my pearly whites. I had scrubbed them with baking soda back in the day and had abraded the top of a tooth where it attached to my gum. I would be getting the groove bonded and a cavity filled. Continue reading

The Salon Confessional – Friday Flash Fiction

The woman had been coming to the salon for years. Michelle had listened to her drone on with the fortitude of a saint. As time progressed, so did the gossip and out of her mouth came snakes, toads, and lizards. Michelle didn’t want to hear the foul blather, but what could she do? She snipped her hair in silence and nodded.

One day, the woman regaled Michelle with the rancid details of her affair with a married man. When Michelle realized it was her friend’s husband,  a smile crossed her face. Continue reading

Shhh! Don’t Tell Anyone!

Do you remember the last time someone said to you, “Don’t tell anybody, but…”

I would be willing to bet that if you were hooked up to a monitor, your heart rate increased along with your blood pressure.

I bet that you leaned in a little and your voice got lower in pitch and you began speaking in a hushed tone.

I bet that your eyes looked away if you were in a crowd to make sure that without even knowing what top secret information would be passed along, you wanted to be sure that no one else could hear.

I would even be willing to bet that if the person said, “oh, never mind,” that your curiosity would be peaked and you would be very disappointed and frustrated. You might even say, “You can tell me. I can keep a secret.” Continue reading

Compassion to Concussions

I picked Trinity from The Matrix to go to battle for me in Clay Morgan’s March Movie Madness because she had it all: explosive strength, courage, intelligence, speed, beauty, and she rode a motorcycle like it was an extension of her own amazing body. She had those killer leather outfits, super cool shades and made the ultimate sacrifice to save Neo. Put in my son Kelly’s words, “Trinity was a badass!” Continue reading

An Irish Haunting and Some Bailey’s

Lilly had waited in line to kiss the popular and probably germ infected, Blarney Stone. It had been two years since her husband Phillip died and she hoped that taking a trip to Ireland would give her a new perspective on life.

Once she emerged from the narrow staircase to the rooftop of the castle, a cool breeze struck her face. Kissing a stone embedded in the adjacent wall while upside down seemed silly and yet she longed to make her wish. “Don’t worry. I’ve gotcha. Just lean all the way back.” Lilly felt the warmth of the man’s grasp as she brushed her curly brown hair from her eyes.

“Okay. Here goes!” Lilly leaned out over what seemed like a thousand feet.  She closed her eyes and kissed the cold moist stone. “It’s time to find a new love.” As she looked up at the black-haired Irishman and saw the clouds behind him rush by, she heard a whisper in the wind.

“You’ll be happy here.” Continue reading