A Very Strange Appointment or Where is My Crown?

I recently went to my annual dental check-up. Yes, annual and not 6 month since I rarely have a problem with my teeth. When I was young, I looked forward to the cherry flavored polish and a whiter smile. If you have been following my blog, you know that nothing in my life seems to follow the usual routine and this appointment was no exception.

After signing in with the receptionist, I met the doctor who would be inspecting my pearly whites. I had scrubbed them with baking soda back in the day and had abraded the top of a tooth where it attached to my gum. I would be getting the groove bonded and a cavity filled.

After settling into the comfy recliner, the dental hygienist came in and said, “We’ll need to match the bonding agent with your tooth.”

My blood ran cold. “I guess I should have bleached them before coming in.”

“Oh don’t worry about it. You teeth look whiter than most of our patients.” I thought of all those cigarette smokers and people with rotted teeth they probably see. I considered bolting out of there, but it was too late. The doctor came in.

After introducing herself she said, “Well, let’s see what you picked out for a match. Hmm… In the realm of all colors, this looks pretty good.”

“Pretty good or really good?” I asked.

“I think you’ll be happy with it. In the realm of all my dentistry…..” And she just faded off.

“Realm?” I thought, “What’s up with realm? Maybe she was trying to make a joke.”

“I’ve only had one other small filling in my life so I don’t remember the procedure.”

“Are you kidding? That is fantastic. In the realm of dentistry, that is almost unheard of. Good for you.”

“Three times! She has said the word “realm” three times in as many minutes!”

Once they got started, she got out the hypodermic needle to numb my gum. “In the realm of all pain, you will feel a prick, but do your best to stay still since it will have to stay in your gum for a while.”

“Was this a contest? That would be four freakin’ realms!”

I felt the needle go in and for the first time understood why some avoided dentists like the plague.

“This is going to work like a little jack hammer. It’s going to dig out the decayed tooth matter.” She said this behind a mask. As I inhaled the powder now clouding my vision once in the form of a tooth, I wondered how healthy this was for my realm.

“In the realm of all tooth decay, this is a really small one.”

Has she said the word realm 5 or 6 times? By then I had lost count.

After they were all done caulking and patching, I got up to leave.

I was dying to know if she was saying the word on a dare, if it was some kind of game, or if realm was her word for the day. I started to ask, but a strand of drool started to slop out of the corner of frozen mouth and I couldn’t put the words together.

“In the realm of all my clients, it was really great meeting you today,” she said with a gorgeous smile.

“Abwa , lawba wah,” was all I could get out.

I will try to remember to ask about her realm during next year’s appointment.


When it became apparent that you were in a situation that seemed out of the ordinary, did you ask about it?

Does the photo bring back any horrid dental memories?

Silly family photo by Susie Lindau

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91 Comments

Filed under Humor, Life

91 responses to “A Very Strange Appointment or Where is My Crown?

  1. Pingback: Friday Favorites « Ellie Ann

  2. Hilarious! I feel like I’m on laughing gas right now!

  3. Pingback: March Departmental #MashUp of Awesomeness « Lessons From Teachers and Twits

  4. I had an out of the ordinary experience just today actually. I was buying a new phone in Argos when I spotted a group of men with cameras. As in actual film cameras. They didn’t seem to be filming anything, and I doubt the cameras were on sale, so naturally I wondered what they were doing there. When the time came to collect my phone I was tempted to ask, but I didn’t. Of course, I was more tempted to start dancing in front of the cameras.

    Of course, I was even more tempted to start stripping.

    PS: Have you ever seen ,em>The Dentist, starring Corbin Bernsen? If not, you probably shouldn’t.

  5. In the realm of dentist stories your’s is by far the most amusing one :-p thank you for sharing!

  6. Thanks for sharing, Susie. I had been thinking about scheduling an appointment since it had been quite a while since my last cleaning. Now I think I’ll wait…just too busy at the moment…I promise to get right on it, however… ;)

    -Jimmy

  7. Sadly, my mouth is a Dental Disney Land. On one of the million occasions when I was in the room waiting, a person in a BUMBLE BEE outfit appeared at the window. It was pressed against the window waving. I was laughing so hard the staff came running in (thinking I was having a meltdown) and I was, oh yes indeed, pointing at the EMPTY window swearing to God that the BEE was out there…my dentist (whom I love) did send a staff member outside to find the BEE. It was a prop for a new dry cleaning co. called ZZZZIP. Realm of insanity to say the least.
    PS. You have an obligation to ask about the over usage of the word…lol

  8. Oh My God! I hate to hear medical things… and that includes dentistry. Now my mouth hurts. Interesting thought… ‘Word for the Day’!

  9. Hilarious! You always seem to end up with these crazy stories, in the realm of awkward experiences… ;)

  10. That is hilarious!!! I really, really hope it was some sort of inside joke, otherwise it’s just plain disturbing (as if going to the dentist wasn’t disturbing enough…)!

    A needle to the gums is the devil’s work.

  11. Perhaps (and I am being facetious here) she is substituting the word ‘Realm’ for another word, much like the word ‘Cuss’ was used in place of an actual curse word in the movie: ‘The Fantastic Mr. Fox.’

  12. The boys’ new pediatrician does the same thing, only with “not-for-nothing”, to the point where the boys started giggling everytime he’d say it. By the time we got how out of that room he must must have thought we were nuts!

    Maybe your dentist is a gamer? ;P

  13. My dentist knows all about the friggin realm of my wallet. $190 for a filling. And have insurance. Sheesh.

    • That is crazy! They often have two prices. One for insurance and one for those who pay in full. Then we wonder why our insurance premiums are sky high!
      Thanks Carl!

  14. Corey

    2 different cops pulled over to ask me if I saw a guy running today and I answered both times without wondering “why?” until afterwards. It was the basis of my post today.

    I laughed throughout this post. It kept reminding me of Super Troopers. How do you like your dentist meow?

  15. For a long time my FIL was my dentist. He was fabulous. It’s been hard to find anyone like him. He was the old-fashioned dentist. He did everything, and he took his time.

    Wow. That sounds naughty. But he was a great dentist. ;-)

  16. I am not a fan of the dentist at all and usually white knuckle it just through a cleaning:( What is up with that dentist, a little odd choice of words for sure?!?

  17. Well. in the realm of my experience, I think your dentist is a bit nutty! I would’ve been cracking up the whole time. How did you not laugh with their hands in your mouth? That pic reminds me of when I was a kid, but I have an awesome dentist now that I look forward to seeing.

    Best of luck when you go back. I hope to see a follow up post!

    • I would love to get to the bottom of it, but I have resisted calling the receptionist who was our neighbor at one time. She wasn’t there that day or I would have said something for sure!
      Thanks Tameri!

  18. I have actually had really good experiences with the different dentists that I’ve seen over the years. Of course my parents were super picky and very lucky. My current dentist is awesome.

    In the realm of blogging, this is tops! LOL Thanks for sharing.

    • Thanks! I just couldn’t believe it. She wasn’t my regular dentist who I love, nor was the hygienist. Do you think they snuck in the back door??? Hahaha! Wouldn’t that be something….

  19. Hi,
    What an odd word to use with a patient, surly there would of been something behind it all.
    I have a fear of needles going into my mouth, but once done the fear is still there, and at the end the fear of the bill. :D

  20. Hilarious, and I’m as dental-phobic as they come (usually it requires elephant sedatives to get me to go). Makes me wonder why those sneaky dentists always give the kiddies candy to take home. Kinda counter-productive, eh?

  21. lynnkelleyauthor

    Haha! Thanks for the chuckles, Susie. In the realm of all my dental experiences, I’d say your experience was definitely strange, but I’m sure glad your dentist didn’t try to rip you off, like many that I’ve come across. In the realm of all my expenses, paying crooked dentists is one of the worst!

    • It was strange so I had to share. I wanted to talk to her assistant, but she never came back. I think she was in tears after laughing so hard in the break room…

      Luckily this dentist office is very honest and the comic relief is free!
      Thanks Lynn!

  22. Coleen Patrick

    I am dentist phobic–I actually take some valium when I have work done. Sad, huh? :)

  23. I have not read the comments here. Was English the woman’s first language? Wow! You must expand upon this.

  24. That is freakin’ hilarious. Twice maybe she had recently read an MG or something but all those times she must have been put up to it. I used to love office pranks :) in the realm of duty

  25. Hey, Susie. Sounds like an interesting appointment. You should take a roll of duct tape with you next year. Seriously though, some people just seem to like (and overuse) certain words or phrases.

    I had heard stories about one of my mother’s cousins, but it wasn’t until I had to call this woman about family tree info…and heard the phrase, ‘And such and stuff,’ forty or fifty times over the course of an hour…that I actually believed Mom. She’d been saying it for years. So be prepared. You could be hearing ‘in the realm of…’ forever.

    And yes. The picture…and even the word ‘dentist’ brings back horrid memories of every appointment I’ve ever had. There is the faintest memory of one experience that was pretty good, but I don’t know if it’s just from wishful thinking, or if it actually was. :)

    • You may have been in a dreamlike state after being drugged…Hahaha!
      Your story is crazy too! The difference in this is that it was a word she was having problems putting into sentences. It wasn’t a filler or an expression. Can you imagine LIVING in her realm??? LOL! I bet she is a hoot!

  26. I bet she was working on using a “new word a day”, to improve her vocabulary skills. Funny post!

    • She very well could have been. It is really a tough word to use. I should have challenged everyone to try to use the word “realm” at least 10 times today. Hahaha!
      Thanks Marcia!

  27. I’m a bit obsessive about my teeth – I’m the same way, though, my teeth are usually great, so going to the dentist isn’t a big priority, except for enjoying the praise they heap on my flossing acumen.

    When it veers from the ordinary at all, though? *shudder*

    • Seriously! One time I went to a dental hygienist that was totally sadistic. I have great teeth so it seemed as though she wanted to punish me somehow. She actually stabbed me twice with that hooky pick they use! OUCH!

  28. Augh! I hate going to the dentist and I’m due for a check up, so double AUGH!

  29. oh i ask, every single time. my wife hates it cause i call people out.

    maybe they kept saying realm because it was “take your sword to work” day.

    • Tyler it is so nice of you to stop by! Before I thought of using crown in the title which had a double meaning that was hard to beat, I thought of scepter. I didn’t see her sword, but I bet she brought one.

  30. As someone whose curiosity frequently gets the better of him, I would *not* recommend asking people about their quirky speech peccadilloes. It only makes you look like jerk. But seriously… there’s no good reason to use any word THAT much.

  31. In the realm of patients, yours was an amusing but trying experience. Now about the realm of STFU… ;-) Oh… don’t forget the realm of paying the bill.

  32. Bwahahahaha!!! In all the realm of dental stories this one contains a most mental dentist!! Thank you for bringing a smile to my morning realm (gah!)!!

  33. hmcmullin

    Maybe she has one of those “Learn a new word a day” calendars?

    • That was one of my thoughts too! I can’t imagine using a word that many times in such a short period of time….it was too weirdly funny!
      Thanks for stopping by to read~

  34. Yikes! I think in the realm of all possibilities, your dentist was probably dipping a little too much into the laughing gas herself before you walked in.

  35. Ha! This made me laugh :). I am also very curious and tempted to ask people about it when they act strangely… But it is difficult to do so! I don’t know if I would dare asking your dentist in your place for example… Maybe I would try to make a joke out of it to see how she reacted.

    • I really thought about it and with the Novocaine totally kicking in, I just didn’t trust what words would come out of my mouth….Next time I will ask in a very polite way like, “Hey! What was up with the overuse of the word ‘realm’ the last time I was here?” :)
      Thanks Cecile!

  36. too funny…and no I won’t use the word realm in a sentence to titillate your funny bone.

  37. Love the photo, Susie. LOL I’ve repressed many dental memories. Since I met my new dentist—whose practice runs like a spa—I enter and leave pretty carefree. What a difference a massage chair makes!

    • I took that picture years ago for a Christmas card. The caption read, “All Kelly wants for Christmas is to lose his teeth.” He still had baby teeth to get rid of..I still can’t believe that neither of my kids went into acting!

      The spa treatment sounds awesome. I hope to ONLY go back for cleanings in the future…
      Thanks August!

  38. IN the realm of 17 years I have stayed away from the dentist and this is the reason why hahaa
    HUGGGGGGGGG

    • Hahaha! I’ve have never had a stranger appointment. She probably was taking advantage of the fact that I couldn’t comment with the Novocaine and her fingers in my mouth! :)
      Thanks Linda! Happy Monday to you~

  39. I’m dying to know if there was a method to her realm of madness!

  40. In the realm of Monday morning laughter…i had my best fill so far. You are outta this world! Thanks for sharing!

  41. That’s both funny and kinda creepy. Dentist indeed is a plague… :)

    “Abwa , lawba wah,” LOL!!!!

  42. HAHAHAHHA in the realm of blogging this was an awesome post hehehe

  43. Too funny.. only not because I can’t stand the dentist;) Lucky you only a small filling! (guess I only have myself to blame with my sweet tooth!)

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