How I Became a Mass Murderer

When I was a little girl, ants mesmerized me. While outside in the hot summer sun, I watched as they carried crumbs, leaves, and small twigs back to their coffee ground-like hills. I imagined the tunnels underneath like catacombs spread out under the crack in the sidewalk. Okay. We didn’t have cable.

Flash forward about a hundred years. A colony of large aggressive red ants moved into our back patio just after we installed an arbor. I had always loved these interesting little creatures while admiring their determination and strength. The movie Antz became one of my favorites when my kids were little. All it took was one nasty bite and the lovefest was over.

I didn’t want to use any harsh pesticides since the ants built their fortress next to a pond that supports wildlife. First I tried the cinnamon method and dumped an entire cup of it onto their hill. Unperturbed, they brushed themselves off and went back to work. While I glared at their anthill, a couple crawled onto my sandals, up my legs and bit me when I swatted them off. I stormed back into the house for heavier artillery.

After boiling water in a big pot, I carried it across the backyard. “Die you evil @#!%#*!s,” I screamed and then laughed diabolically as I poured the hot liquid onto their outpost much like Quasimodo in the Hunchback of Notre Dame only his cauldron was full of hot lead. I just needed the hump on my back and the tolling bell. I watched as their bodies surfaced and thought the war was won, but I was wrong. They survived and not only did they survive, but the next time that I checked, their army had grown tenfold. How could that be? Ahhhhh!

Next, I bought diatomaceous earth which is really just gazillions of single-celled shells leftover from dead sea algae. Yes. Algae with a shell exists; I looked it up. The idea was to cut them to pieces. I know. What happened to that sweet child who watched them in the hot summer sun? I had become a killing machine. My ant invasion had turned into a brutal war and I would take no prisoners. Again they seemed to outwit me and drilled tunnels to another hill not far from the first. My attempts at lifting up the flagstones and pouring the toxic seashells over them only slowed them down for a while. They came back in droves.

One day the doorbell rang and when I found out it was an organic pest control representative, I grabbed the guy by the collar and pulled him out to the back patio. He informed me that ants telegraph to their clan when they are being exterminated and then go into reproduction mode. That’s what was happening. “You have to kill the queen,” he said.  He sprinkled some kind of poisonous ant food on their entryway so they could carry it to their queen and kill her off. It worked!

This is the first year in four that the patio is free of red ants! Cue the music. Ahhh. Tranquility at last. But wait. What was that on my counter? Something was moving on my kitchen counter! Ants! I had little black ants in my kitchen! I checked the dishwasher and there were several in there.  Nooooooooooooo!

I called the pest control company and a guy came out the next day. He sprayed both inside and out. I heaved a big sigh of relief until the following day. A swarm of tiny red ants showed up near my stove. I had just washed the floors and the spray bottle full of vinegar was still on the counter. I snatched it, pulled the trigger, and sprayed those little suckers. “DIE!” I screamed and they did. I was so surprised and satisfied!

Later that afternoon those horrid little black ants were back. I armed myself with that bottle of non-toxic ant-killing napalm and waited, spraying anything that moved.

In a few days, the smell of vinegar reminded me of the combat zone in my kitchen. Just a whiff of that ant annihilating elixir would revive me enough to keep fighting the battle. I made sure there was plenty of ammunition on hand. I pulled out a gallon jug from the pantry and kept my spray bottle full.

Then I remembered what the exterminator had said. “Duh! They are increasing the size of their battalion by making baby ants!” I called him after they waged a sneak attack and threatened to ruin MY birthday. It was a nightmare and now I was really pissed. He came out and sprayed all over my kitchen, this time including the stove and around the dishwasher. He was reluctant to apply the non-toxic poison outside since he couldn’t find their nest. After he left, I poured vinegar inside the dishwasher and ran it. Some crawled out onto the floor where I ambushed them with my spray bottle. The skirmish continued and I was losing hope.

That night I dreamt that while watching an outdoor baseball game, I noticed hundreds of ants on my friend’s back. I yelled, “There are ants all over you!” As I began to brush them off, she seemed unbothered by them. Her reaction disturbed me as much as the swarm of ants!

The next day, I found them crawling all over my clean stove. I had tried everything. What could I do? I took it apart and wiped it down with vinegar. Then I poured cinnamon along their pathway.

At daybreak on April 13th, I locked and loaded my vinegar spray bottle. I tiptoed towards the frontline and turned the lights on above my stove. No ants. I scrutinized my kitchen counters. No ants. I peeked into my dishwasher. No ants! I typed away that day and periodically checked for life. NO MORE ANTS!

When I realized we were ant-free, I did a victory dance! April 13th will now be known as NMAD  or No More Ants Day!

Yesterday, my husband and I sat out on the back patio. I watched as a delightful little colony of small black ants worked in the golden afternoon sun.


Have you ever battled vermin in order to reclaim your turf?

This segment of the Hunchback of Notre Dame includes Quasimodo’s molten lead scene that I emulated.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame photo by Wikipedia

Remaining photos by Susie Lindau

About these ads


Filed under Humor, Life, Photography

127 responses to “How I Became a Mass Murderer

  1. Thanks for finally writing about >How I Became a Mass Murderer | Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride <Liked it!

  2. Pingback: The Bright Side Top Ten List | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  3. Pingback: April 2011, 2012, and 2013 – A Photo Essay | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  4. I still think you overreacted…

  5. OMG that was so funny Susie!!! Lol Love the part with the boiling water and the evil laugh. Hahahahaha :)

    • I really did do that just like an evil witch! I am happy to say that I finally vacuumed the cinnamon off the counter where those stinkers were getting in. No more ants!
      …..runs to knock on wood……
      Thanks for reading and I am glad you are back!

  6. Pingback: The Bodacious Blogger’s Essential Ingredients | August McLaughlin's Blog

  7. Pingback: My Gelatinous Friends | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  8. Pingback: Warning: Blogging May Cause Side Effects | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  9. I’m so glad you didn’t try to kill Catholic Mass! hehe

    You have touched on my worst enemy in the world. Ask MLB – I hate ants. They have tried to thwart me as they did you. I’ve used the traps, to moderate success. I finally caved in to an eco-friendly company that did, in fact, eradicate the little buggers.

    I loved the move Antz, but I will not accept them inside the house, in the pantry, around the dog’s food, etc.

    I felt your pain, my friend!

  10. Haha! I really enjoy your writing and the fact that you made me laugh with ants :)

  11. Pingback: The Week That Was: Good Things Come In Threes « Prawn And Quartered

  12. Pingback: Interspiration #4282012 « Asrai Devin- the Maven of Mischief

  13. Oh my God this was hilarious! I’m sorry about your ant infestation, but it was so funny. All you were doing was trying to save the environment while saving yourself. I had no idea that they could telegraph their elimination and begin massive reproduction. Reminded me of the 1980s/90s alien show V :)

    • I am so glad you came by to laugh WITH me! The only thing I was missing was my army fatigues. I was pretty keyed up over it and wouldn’t let my spray bottle leave my side! I am happy to say I was able to finally put it away……I will have to check out that show! Have a great weekend!

  14. Pingback: Life Interrupted – 100 Word Flash Fiction | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  15. Awesome story, Susie… I really LOVE your writing!

    I almost feel sorry for those ants… the queen must die… long live the Queen! :)

    • Thanks so much Veronica! Until you go through it I don’t blame you! When they were coming in by the hundreds, I was afraid to leave the house! So long queen! :)

      • I may have ticked off an ant queen around here with my comments.

        This morning… sitting innocently at my desk writing… one little tiny black ant suddenly appeared over the edge of the desk and just sort of sauntered (do ants ‘saunter’?) across the desk.

        I just stared at him for a few seconds…

        Then whacked the little bugger!

        Dang! That felt good!

  16. Pingback: A Heatwave Cometh Early – A Photo Essay | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  17. Great story, and congratulations for beaten TWO sub-species of ants! Deep down I secretly love a good ant war (as long as it’s not in my bedroom). My last war, “Cupboard War 1,” had me battling super-quick mini-black ants in my dry-food cupboard. I had to take everything out and then spray the shelves and then put all the foodstuffs back in. Thoroughly grossed me out, and the ants returned anyway. Ultimately, I discovered a home remedy that works pretty well, though it’s more of a precaution than a decisive strike. I sprinkled black pepper along the sides of all of my shelves. It repels the ants, and it destroys their ability to “lay down a trail” for the rest of the ants. Eventually the scout will just go away. I’ve been ant-free in the cupboard ever since!

  18. lynnkelleyauthor

    What a relief that you got rid of those ants. I thought you might end up with some new evolved super ant that would haunt your home forever! Hmm, might make a fun story.

    I’ve never heard of the cinnamon or vinegar solution for fighting ants. I tried putting corn meal out on the counter tops. Supposedly the ants would take the corn meal back to the nest, they’d all eat it, be unable to digest it, then die. Cornmeal didn’t do the trick.

    Years ago we had flying red ants in a wall in our house. Talk about freaky. I mean, there’s a story in there, for sure. After weeks of spraying insecticide, we finally got rid of them.

  19. Noooo….I mean, yessssss! I hate bugs, and I never really felt bad about killing them. I had an ongoing battle with silverfish in my first apartment and can’t see the little bastards anymore without thinking of ALIEN or something equally repulsive.

    • Alien is right! I heard once that they are seasonal. Another sign of spring. Euuuuwwww! We are so ahead here. I can’t imagine what will plague us next! We have giant snails in our garden and there was snow on the ground last year!

  20. Great story! I’ve never battled varmints, but as a kid I attempted surgery on struggling ants. Yep, never went well…

  21. Battling the little black ones in the kitchen for the past week. Thanks for posting about them going into reproductive mode. Now I am going to have to escalate matters… Thermo-nuclear war underneath the kitchen sink. And possibly ants the size of ponies in the backyard.

    • Hahaha! Well at least you have a sense of humor about it! I guess the cinnamon throws them off their trail since they “smell” where the troops are. Get a couple of cans of ant bait and throw them under your sink. I think the vinegar must have thrown off their signal when they were being killed by it since the smell is so strong. Good luck to you in battling your thermo-nuclear war!!

  22. Yuck they’re nasty! We have some flying ant things under our patio, they give me the creeps! Well done on killing them :)

    • There are all kinds of flying things here since it is more like the middle of June than April here. It is going to be 87 degrees today! We don’t have pesky flying ants or deer flies thank God!
      Thanks Victoria!

  23. I had an epic battle with ants when I first moved into my house, and since then I’ve had an “organic” pest management company spray around the outside of the house once a month. I still get ants sometimes, but not too many of them.

    I wrote a little about my ant experiences here:

    • The pest guy told me that one time he could not get rid of a lady’s ant problem. They sprayed and sprayed. Then he noticed that the live ants were crawling over the bodies of dead ants to get over the barrier. Insane! I will check it out~ Thanks Laura!

  24. Haha! Brilliantly funny post – wow, you can write. We have ant plagues during the summer but just the little ones – millions. I share your challenge!

  25. Survival of the fittest…good for you! :)

  26. I think this was clearly a case of justifiable homicide…

  27. I hate ants!!! I use the goop that they eat and take back to their nest. It seems to work, but it looks horried strung all over the kitchen. And I have to be careful when I use the counters so I don’t get into the goop for a few days.

    I lived in a house where, every summer, we had an infestation of tree frogs. They were everywhere. Every day I had to catch 2 or 3 from the house and throw them outside. When you walked outside you could see 4 or 5 of them jump with every step. There were hundreds of tree frogs. I didn’t want to kill them, but they were everywhere. Our horses squashed them when they meandered in the pasture, we drove over them in the driveway and garage. It was awful. We don’t live there any more but I sometimes wonder what the new owners of that house did about the frogs.

    Thanks for the fun story. Good luck with the pests!

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • Tree frogs! I would have been in heaven there as a kid! I remember one time they dredged a lake in Wisconsin and thousands of misplaced frogs hopped on the highway. It was horrible driving over them..
      Try the cinnamon if they are smaller sized.
      I think with this warm weather we are having, it could be a humdinger of a summer!
      Thanks so much and good luck to you too!

  28. Corey

    I have a little sidewalk that travels around to the back of my house. Last summer I watched in amazement a huge antwar that was going on in the trenches of the sidewalk.

    After about an hour I got crazy and wanted to end it. I had a jug of gasoline nearby and poured it downhill so it went across the battlefield. I lit it from a few feet away and damn near burned my hair off. It exploded and little ant bodies were strewn everywhere. It was utter mayhem…

    I feel ya.

    • Oh my God! And I felt bad pouring boiling hot water on them! My son said that he found some maggots under the garbage can outside our garage. He poured liter fluid on them, lit a match, and torched them. I didn’t find out until hours later. I guess it did the trick, but I told him I would prefer that he use a safer method. :)
      Thanks Corey!

  29. Oh I am having a similar battle with ants here on our driveway. Last year I came home to find the inside of our front door covered in the little feckers. They had come in off the driveway. I am determined to stop them in their tracks this year before they get established. Have used boiling water and bleach so far……..
    Its amazing how insects so small can turn a person into a one girl A-Team.

  30. This is a delightful post.

    And, God, did we ever battle “vermin” when we lived in Vietnam–but for us, I’m afaid, it was rats–and they were in the house–and the size of small cats. I know. It was horrid! Didn’t have any idea how big they were until we were actually about a week away from moving–this time to Haiti. There things were way, way better–believe it or not.

    At any rate, wanted to thank you for the comment you left on my FP post last week about Tori’s wedding–“Top 10 Reasons to Join the Bloggy Blast.” Sorry it has taken me nearly a week to get here. And, clearly, I’ve been missing out. Going to subscribe!


    • You sound like you have amazing stories to tell. My little 15 pound Bichon killed something big in the yard last week, but not as big as a cat! That is insane!
      Thanks for subscribing. Loved your post and congrats again!

  31. OMG! I think I told you how much I hate ants. Ugh! I’m so glad you got rid of them. I have my own horrible story. But we don’t need to get into that. Yay for the no ants dance. :)

  32. Having lived in the country for a while now, I can honestly say I try my best detente on any vermin, critter or thing that passes through my happy space. They just don’t scare me the way they used to, on the Discovery Channel. Admittedly, I’ve never warmed up to ants. I’m with you on that count.

    • I just can’t abide ants and mice in my abode! If there were one or two I could have handled it, but they just kept coming. There must have been thousands of those teeny tiny red ants in the swarm on my counter top next to the stove. That’s when I realized vinegar was so powerful. Who knew???
      Thanks Cayman!

  33. Our kitchen used ot get regular ant invasions. We tried everything to get rid of them, including putting out poison which was designed to be carried back to the nest to kill the rest. The ants loved it – kept coming back for more. Eventually we got it sortt of fixed. But I think the nest was still there when we finally moved house. Hated doing it, but we didn’t really want them running through the kitchen.

    Matthew Wright

    • They can be awful. I just remembered the time (many years ago) when we got invaded by rice moths. I kept on throwing out food in the pantry. Now I keep my rice in the freezer!

      BTW- You were in my spam file because of your links. You don’t need to add them since everyone can click on your avatar or name and many do. WordPress Rocks!
      Thanks for coming by Matthew!

  34. Hate ants! Feel for you, dear…

  35. Mon Dieu! The mental image of The Killing Machine stalking her backyard in a frenzy is almost to much to bear… I am breaking down laughing!

    The Red Ones sent the Black Ones, and they are the hardest to get rid of… I would rather have mice.

    Just remember… this April 13th was a Friday!

    • Oh, when I first lived in Chicago, we suddenly got mice in our third floor walkup… a lot of mice. We set traps in the kitchen. SNAP… we would all run in to see. One of my roommates was an artist. He drew little mice on the door of our refrigerator (this was in the days before magnets), and soon it resembled the side of a successful WWII bomber. It must have scared the mice, for one day they were gone.

      Susie, you might hire an artist to paint pictures of dead ants… let me know if that works for you… at least, your hands will be clean.

    • I really did cackle as I poured the hot water. I wonder if my neighbors saw me and pulled their curtains…
      The last Friday the 13th was Hell and this one was marvelous! Thank for laughing with me Ted!

  36. I have raged war on spiders (the toxic, flesh eating skin kind) for the last 8 years and once I see 1 to 3 in the garage it is spray time. I guess certain spiders have a mass of babies too – ewww!

    • They do breed like crazy! Had that organic pest guy spray for spiders and it really keeps the populations down. I used to see them along my baseboards and the inside of my house began to look like a haunted house with all the invisible spiders spinning webs on my ceilings! I hope we can keep on top of it this year since Spring started so early this year!
      Thanks Renee and good luck with those nasty spiders!

  37. for me it was a mouse and then mice and then hordes of them – or so it seemed. I bought my townhouse because it was next to a greenspace and for 3 years I was fine. then 1 little bugger got into the house. I did all the humane stuff until I saw his ‘present’ on my computer keyboard. OMG. watch me jump up and down and scream like a girl. Traps work really well.

    I moved and the second year here the neighborhood is saturated with voles. sheesh. what do I have to do to get rid of the little devils.

    • Call an exterminator! I don’t know that voles are as bad as mice for carrying disease. I love our service since they use wax bait that doesn’t hurt other living things.
      I just looked it up and they are bad. I would make a call… Good luck to you Louise! Thanks for reading!

      • thanks Susie. they are ugly little varmints. I’ve had the exterminator out once and then it snowed, so all the poison leeched away but yes, I’ve got to get them again.
        they are nasty.

  38. OMG Susie the Red ants are devils battalion…once this huge red ant nest fell on my head from a mango tree..dont ask me how its embarassing..but i was so scared didnt move till my friends helped me out of that situation…its was horrible and since then it has been a war between me and the red devils..

    • Did they bite? I would have nightmares for years after having a nest in my hair! I get the willies thinking about it! ooohhooo!
      Thanks for sharing your story Soma! Have a pest-free Monday!

      • Ya they did but i was too scared to scream and one of my friends told me if i shout they will bite more…am telling you,i see a red ant even a single one and i run after it with whatever i can get my hands on..this one time i threw a slice of bread on it…it didnt help but i had to do something to show them my hatred :lol:

  39. Ugh. Ants are the worst! I’m convinced all of my town is built on one huge anthill. We currently have an agreement with the ants ~ you can stay in the backyard, but the house is mine. I won’t kill you if you don’t scare the bejeezus out of me by covering my counters with your disgusting little bodies. Let’s hope this truce works.

    • I hope your truce works too! Ants can be the worst…We live near open space so we happily put up with a lot of critters, but I have the same philosophy as yours with the exception of that small patio…so far so good!
      Thanks Tameri!

  40. Yay! My mom swears by vinegar to rid weeds, too. We just recently had an issue with mice, or a mouse. We got this humane trap, but it kept coming back. Ironically, we then found one dead in the sink – it had drowned, and now we don’t seem to have a mouse problem… I think it’s like the Final Destination logic – when it’s your time, it’s your time, LOL

    • In your sink. Gross! Hahaha!
      I have heard that mice will send out a scout to check out the surroundings before they move in. I have also heard that if you find one, there are 20 more… I would like to believe that you nipped your problem in the bud and got the scout!
      I will try the vinegar on weeds. My trusty spray bottle is still here on the counter. :)
      Thanks Jules!

  41. Yikes! I once came back from holiday when I was young and huge flyign ants has made a nest in my bedroom it was awful. We always had ants and then mum heard that they can’t climb well through small round stones, so she took some flags up (or maybe dad did ;)) and all along the edge of the house is a line of stones. haven’t had any since. I’ve never heard of cinnamon being bad for them. Did the ants from the pastry shop start that rumour? ;)

  42. Icky!! LOL. One time I left the basement door open and flies got in. A lot of them. And then they reproduced. Ack. It became a killing field down there in the basement. Ick. I shiver just thinking about it!

    • I forgot about the flies. I bought some ferns and put them in the bathroom then left on vacation. When we got back tons had hatched! I put them in the garage until garbage day and they continued to hatch. They were disgusting!
      Thanks for relating El!

  43. I loved reading about your war on ants! You had me laughing like a crazy woman. I work as a groundkeeper for a larger apartment complex and it’s my job to make sure none of my tenants have any ant infestations during the summer. I have definitely released my own war cry at times while battling their never-ending forces. Great post!

    • I am glad you could laugh with me! I can smile now, but two weeks ago I was frustrated and infuriated! I can only imagine what you deal with when you have tenants who may not put food away nor clean up after themselves! I had this problem and am really clean!
      Thanks for stopping by and good luck this summer!

  44. Since I live in a tropical region, I am surrounded by all sorts of insects. Ants don’t bother me that much, except the time they wanted to build their colony somewhere behind a crack of my interior fountain. I went bezerk! However, I prefer them to roaches or termites, yuck!

    • I have never had roaches. That would suck!
      I know what you mean! I hated that they were right in my work space fighting for turf when they can all the space they want outside. As long as they aren’t the red ant biting variety! Ouch!
      Thanks M!

  45. Chris DeIuliis

    Were the red ants “fire ants”?

    • No I asked if they were and was told that they were not. He said they were an aggressive red ant. I am sure they are shirt-tail cousin! My photos are of the same variety as our backyard infestation, but I found this huge nest in the open space not far from my house. They can thrive over there, just not in my yard!
      Thanks for reading Chris!

  46. Coleen Patrick

    Kill the queen! Ack–it’s like a horror movie. I’ve battled ants, but never a war like yours. Made me think of that 70s movie with Suzanne Somers where they all ended up covered with ants or under a big ant hill.

    • It was like a horror movie.
      I’ll have to look that one up! Hahaha! Attack of the killer ants! I can just imagine Suzanne Somers running around with her hands up in the air while screaming! AAAAAHHHH!!

  47. Oh Susie. Maybe I should post The Cockroach Papers from when I lived in New Orleans. We were In.Fest.Ed. And it was Dis.Gust.Ing. Let’s just say you know you are in trouble when the Orkin man tells you that you have a significant roach problem. ;-)

    These days, we know it is really spring when the ants take their weird one-day Mecca fom the garage across the kitchen floor to the sliders out back. It hasn’t happened yet. Those ants are smart: today we got 3 inches of snow. I’ll know it’s really spring when the ants go marching.

    • That is so funny! When the ants go marching! Hahaha! Cockroaches, not so funny!
      We are 2 months ahead here and it is going to be in the 80’s today! I am noticing the Miller moths that usually invade in mid-June are already flapping away!
      It’s crazy!
      Thanks Renee~ I hope your day is pest free!

  48. Melinda VanLone

    I have sooo been there! It’s so frustrating, trying to get rid of ants. For what it’s worth, next time you have an invasion (and there will be a next time heh), try the Terro ant baits. They work, truly. You will have to be patient, it takes a couple of days and you’ll see increased ant activity around the bait. They will SWARM it. Just don’t watch. Go to a movie, look the other way…leave them alone. They carry the yummy food back to the Queen and it kills her AND them. A few days later not only will the ants be gone but the colony will be dead and they won’t come back. I speak from experience :-). (And I’ve tried them all, this was the only one that worked on the tough Texas ants).

  49. OMG luv it!!! NMAD! LOl1!
    When we were installing a new window in the camp we discovered a HUGE colony of hundreds of thousands of huge black ants nesting in the walls. UGH! Barf! It was off to the store for every kind of pesticide and ant killer known and we spread it everywhere in the camp in the hopes of taking care of the problem. Fingers crossed!!! I hate to be an ant killer but when they are taking over your house, you gotta go at them hard. LOL!

    • Good luck to you! That sounds awful! Those big black ones can do some damage. At least they don’t usually bite…Think of how early it is. It could be a long summer with pests and pestilence. I am keeping my spray bottle in the ready position just in case….
      Thanks for reading Natalie!

  50. AHHHH! Antsy over attackers. Ever vigilant. (before rain, cold or drought they will swarm into houses here). The tiny black “sugar ants” are the worst in the summer. If ants come inside, they leave trails of biological markers to signal other to follow the trail ( I’ve forgotten if it’s hormones/ pheromones) but you must get soap and water and wipe out that path or others will just follow -even if you smush the path makers (must pickup bodies). The county agent here said outside the ants go and build in the yard that is the most dry…so sprinklers and watering can run them to the neighbors (don’t tell them ) Good luck!

    • I won’t tell a soul!
      That is crazy! Insects will thrive on this planet long after we are gone. They sure have their ways of insuring survival. Sheesh!
      Thanks for stopping by to read philosophermouse!

  51. Now, understand, I doubt seriously I would handle it the same way now, but, when I lived around Indy, we had black ants bad enough that there was a full trail of them coming and going from the kitchen out the back door and off the patio. I traced them and saw that they were holed up underneath the patio corner. I purchased the good brand of ant/roach killer, large bottle, took it outside to the patio crack, upended the foam bottle and jammed the business end into the crack. Then, I put my foot on the bottom of the can and pushed until all the foam had emptied from the can and the foam was oozing out of a couple of places in the patio. Ah…no more ants. I can only guess I got the queen. As I said, now, would be different, less environmentally poor choices for extermination (ants are really my favorite insects), but it did work.

    • I LOVE that you used your foot to empty the can!
      I know what you mean about pesticides and am really sensitive to them anyway. It was a Godsend to find an organic company. They use wax bait for mice!

  52. I ate ants once when I was about four (we were poor but happy) – my mum poured boiling water into their nest, then gave me a good lathering after checking I hadn’t been stung. Always had a soft spot for them ever since. They are lovely with Mango Chutney. Loved it!

  53. High noon at Susie’s corral? “Ahm callin’ ya out, ants!”

    Years ago, we had bats entering our home. If you’ve ever dealt with them, it’s like a 3D Stooges clip, where the knife flies at you. They fly right for you and then veer away, radar signalling obstacle ahead. I trapped (usually with a broom, plastic container, and cardboard) every one of ‘em and put them outside. If I see a spider or whatever in the house, I capture them in a tissue and cart them outside.

    • I do that too with spiders, but there were so many ants Nelle! Hundreds of them! EEEEUUUUUWWWW!
      You have to be careful of rabies with bats, but they are cool especially when they are not in your house!

  54. Do you have a special outfit that you wear for such missions?

  55. every summer, usually early july, there’s a day when it’s tremendously hot and humid, and it drives a lot of ants inside, which then show up in my pantry. now i try to periodically spray around entrances, and i keep an eye on the patio blocks where i see all that sand pyramiding up in an anthill. lil’ bastards!

    • Dump some cinnamon where they are getting in and then spray them with vinegar! You will get tremendous satisfaction from killing those suckers and it is a great household cleaner. :) I am not sure it works on carpenter ants or anything big. I am hoping I don’t have to experiment!
      Thanks Rich!

      • these are always those tiny little brown ants. they’re annoying, but the large black ones gross me out. grrr.

        • Maybe you’ll get lucky this year.
          We are having the warmest spring ever here in Boulder and the Miller moths that usually strike in June are already thick. The cottonwoods are already seeding. It’s crazy!

          • we’ve already reached the 80’s a few times and 90’s once or twice in NJ. 70’s has been normal this spring, but now we’re falling back to the usualy april 58-62 for t his week. hadn’t rained in a month, and it poured all day yesterday.

  56. Wow.. I’ve had ant issues in the garden, but not my house, that would be so annoying!! I hope you get to that Queen!!

  57. Dana

    Such a funny and entertaining post!
    I don’t think I’ve ever had an ant problem, but it did happen once that a cat came through the window and then refused to leave. She wouldn’t even let us pick her up. We tried leaving tasty snacks in our back garden for her but she wasn’t falling for it. Eventually she just left on her own. Not so much a battle as you had with ants I suppose (and well done on your victory) but quite an unusual thing to find a cat magically appearing in your home!

    • That is really wild! We have a doggy door and have been asked if other critters come in. The plastic on the first door got bent so I am sure a few mice came in, but nothing bigger. We replaced it just in case!
      Thanks Dana!

  58. asraidevin

    LOL. Too funny. we had ants at our last place all the time.On year I went into the playroom and they were swarming our entire wall. We spray foamed all the cracks and the problem was gone- at least in that room. Icky. glad yours are gone as well. :)

  59. I had no idea they went into reproduction mode and here I worry about killing all the ants.

Any wild thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s