Ice Sculptured – 170 Word Flash Fiction

Mary regretted taking the short cut home.

“I’ll give you a head start little girl. Ready? GO!”

She bolted from him, rounding the corner of the old mill as its blades dashed through the frigid water in the cold evening air. Then she passed a stand of evergreens. Snow covered needles fell in her wake. She slid down the embankment onto the ice-covered lake. After reaching the middle, she stopped to catch her breath. He was right behind her.

“Gotcha!”

His cold fingers grasped her slender neck. With a loud crack the frozen surface opened up. Mary fell forward and he fell in.

“Help me! Please help me!” He cried as he splashed around in the icy water.

She crept on her hands and knees careful not to break through and then began to sob.

Soon all she heard was the whisper of the wind.

She glanced down and screamed. He stared at her with pleading eyes while clawing at the ice beneath her. Then he slid away inside the icy tomb.

Have you ever skated on thin ice literally or metaphorically?

The photo prompt is by Lora Mitchell. Click on the link to check out more Friday Fictioneer stories.

For another one of my twisted tales, click here.

You are welcome to leave the link to your flash fiction in my comment section even if you used a different photo.

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96 Comments

Filed under Fiction

96 responses to “Ice Sculptured – 170 Word Flash Fiction

  1. The wrong turn and wrong occurring moment could leave the wrong memories for a life time… at least she got away ;)

  2. Oh, I like this one! Dark and twisted… very well done… especially the ending… “then he slid away inside the icy tomb.” Such cold finality.

    Excellent wordcraft, Susie!

    Tina swears my middle name is ‘thin ice’. It’s probably a good thing I skate so well! Lol!!

  3. Great writing Susie, you had me wondering right to the end about what was going to happen!

    • Thanks so much Ellie!
      I didn’t know either until the end! I had always thought about the horror of what it would be like to break through the ice and see those above while the current sweeps you away….a pretty terrible way to die.

  4. Smart girl. She listened to her intuition/instincts/small voice inside of her … warning her this was a dangerous man. During grammar school, taking a short cut home, I fell through some ice, waste deep. School mates saved me. I get reminded at every school reunion.

    • That must have been so scary! How ironic is my story. Waste deep without sure footing could have been fatal. Thank God you had friends with you!
      Sounds like a story to blog about sometime…
      Thanks Lora!

  5. Eeeek!! You’ve totally freaked me out with this one!! It was frightening enough until I got to that last image!! Wow… this should be a scene in a movie or something!! Well done!!

  6. This gives me chills. Skating on thin ice seems to be a (figurative) way of life lately. Though, I have to say, it’s worked out nicely in Mary’s favour! :)

  7. From murderer to ice cube…that’s instant karma.

  8. writerwendyreid

    Lame Adventures sent me over. Wow. Amazing flash. Great post! :-)

  9. Oooooh! I literally got chills! You’ve done it again. Skills, my lady. You’ve got them. :D

  10. Another piece of superb work. You are on a roll.

  11. Very suspenseful and I absolutely love the ending. I fell through the ice as a kid and a stranger helped me out, never put skates on again.

  12. Chilling! Mary was one lucky girl.

    • She was! But I think she may have thought there may be a chance that he wouldn’t make it across the lake. When I was growing up, the lakes we skated on were spring fed and every winter someone broke through….
      Thanks Rochelle!

  13. Definitely a chilling tale. And bad guys better think that resourceful girls may not turn out to be such easy prey. Very well told.
    Mine’s over here http://anneorchardwriter.wordpress.com/2012/09/21/friday-fictioneers-partys-over/

  14. Full of suspense! I’m glad she had the forethought to go out there.

  15. Love the story, love the imagery. Great writing. (I’m a follower of Lame Adventures.)

  16. He got what he deserved. Well told, Susie.

  17. Chilling! But, that’s where you were headed. You are so talented. :)
    I hate thin ice and I lived near a pond and skated, a lot.

  18. nicely told, full of loss.

  19. I’m vewwwwwwy careful with the real thing. Have I ever been on the metaphorical kind? Well, I’ve been in deep ****. ;-)

  20. John Hardy Bell

    Great story Susie! I can’t seem to frame this one, though. I picture Mary on the ice with her grandfather, I also picture her on the ice with a serial killer! Perhaps you explained it somewhere in the comments section, but I purposely avoided it in the event that you did. I thrive on ambiguity! :)

    Thoroughtly enjoyed it!

    John

    • It is sometimes hard to project the tone. I thought that mentioning “little girl” in a derogatory way would set it up as well as “his icy fingers around her slender neck”…Are you avoiding horror today John?? Not me. I dive right in! :) Thanks and have a splendid weekend in the Colorado sunshine!

      • John Hardy Bell

        Perhaps, but seeing as Halloween is right around the corner, I won’t be avoiding it for long! You’ll definitely notice a theme in my upcoming stories! :)

        You enjoy that sunshine too! We’re pretty lucky, eh?

  21. Pingback: Flash Challenges « Anthony Richer

  22. Scary stuff, Susie. I was right there with her, running blindly and hoping for a miracle.
    I’m over here; http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/09/21/friday-fiction-breaking-the-backs-of-angels/#comment-2116

  23. Although I always find your flash fiction vivid, I thought this one was vivid-er to add a moronic voice to the feedback. I could picture it so clearly in my mind, it was as if I saw a short film. Very solid storytelling Susie.

  24. I have skated on thin ice metaphorically but am of an age wherein I don’t press my luck any more.

  25. It sounds like he got what he deserved but what a horrible way to go and what a terrible thing for her to try to live with and deal with!

  26. Brilliant thriller Susie.. i have never skated and after reading this ..oh man …

  27. Oh my goodness! Great post. Isn’t it fun discovering your own endings? :)

  28. Skating a lot lately – ha! I love these posts:) Happy Friday!

  29. I feel like I am skating on thin ice every single day..
    Well done Susie!
    HUGGGGGGGGG

  30. An icy tomb….I’m shivering. Good stuff. Great descriptions. Happy Friday!

  31. Hi Susie,
    Regret is a great theme, and I can’t imagine anyone who can’t relate, who hasn’t made some casual decision that led down some dark path unforseen. Also like the rich descriptive detail leading up to the cllimax. Ron

    • Thanks so much Ron! I felt that I needed to paint a vivid picture of how fast she was running without going to deep into her POV.
      It’s those little decisions that we can regret the rest of our lives if we are lucky enough to tell the tale. I know I have my list!

  32. oh, right, i forgot all about the picture. nice job. i like the icy fingers on her neck. and i couldn’t help trying to trim it down to 100 words. wasn’t easy and doesn’t read as well of course.

    • Thank you Rich!
      I used to be brutal when it came to editing. When I blogged my Sexercise piece, I had to add a few words and I took a lot of heat for those adjectives. I decided that the story was more important than the word count.

  33. Wow, that was really good! You are a great writer Susie! Growing up on a large lake, I frequently tested the thin ice, and learned when to stay off! Once, my friend and I were riding our bikes on the ice in the bay we lived in. In the morning, ALL the ice was gone from the lake! Thin ice indeed.

    • That is scary! I have such a healthy respect for thin ice. We have a small pond in our backyard and when it freezes I am very careful even though I would go out far enough to drown!
      Thank you so much John!

  34. You write the most suspensful stuff I’ve ever read. I want to turn away, but my morbid curiousity won’t let me, and I keep coming back time after time for more. This sent chills up my spine. Excellent work!

  35. I’ve come to hang on your words, Susie never knowing what to expect next. For me you developed a good sense of suspense with vivid imagery. If you aimed for horror, I think you hit your mark. Well done!

    • Oh hey thanks Rich! I did aim for horror. I grew up with frozen lakes back in Wisconsin and it sprang to mind when she was running and needed a way to be rid of him….. forever…. Hahaha!

  36. chilling! Very well written and descriptive. The forest, mill and lake all popped vividly in my mind. I could clearly see it in my mind. The setting reminded me of a nearby lake and mill in a state park.

  37. I always like it when the bad guys get their comeuppance. Nice job.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/homo-avis/

  38. Saw it confirmed in the comments, but I got the feeling from the story he was a bad guy.
    Great piece!

  39. Well done! (This may have inspired me to try more flash fiction.)

  40. This is one of my greatest fears. Not being able to save a person I love. I know it’s cheesy, but I wept during that scene in Titanic. Nice tight piece!

  41. that thing is creepin’ me out! and yes, i’ve been on all sorts of thin ice. my life is lived that way it seems.

  42. Mary’s going to have nightmares about this! Then again, at least she’ll be alive to have nightmares. One of the most chilling (sorry!) horror stories I’ve ever read, all the more so because there’s nothing unreal about it.

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