I Am a Virgin

I’ll admit it. I have never done it. It was way too risky for me. Lack of protection and the aftermath if compromised has kept me from the experience. But, I am finally ready. The idea of trying something new is pretty exciting. It will be my first time and then I’ll no longer be a Cyber Virgin.

Cyber Monday which is November 26th, is the official kick-off to on-line holiday sales. This year promises to top previous years in the amount of deals offered and dollars spent. I plan to join in the fun.

I have never tickled my keyboard in hope of finding the perfect gift. Instead, I have stuck with the old school technique of driving to many different stores, perusing hundreds of racks and table displays while competing with aggressive crowds bustling through the aisles with their elbows out.

Last year, I held my breath as shoppers sneezed in my direction. No one wants to be sick during the holidays. After hours of shopping at the mall, I reached out and snatched the elusive purple studded phone case I had sought. The endorphin rush of scratching one more item off my list was tempered by sore eyes from florescent lights and aching feet. My arms strained under the weight of several bags as the handles cut into the palms of my hands. After pushing my way through the heavy glass doors, I struggled back to my car, jammed all of the bags into the back end, and slammed the hatch shut with a heavy sigh as the circulation rushed to my fingertips. After arriving back at home, I hid all of the gifts and then went into a wrapping frenzy on Christmas Eve.

Staying at home and avoiding the crowds while saving time and money has seduced me into Cyber Monday. Jeez! I am all about saving time and money. Some of the deals offered may even be better than Black Friday!

Some businesses offer free shipping and gift wrapping. That is a huge selling point for me.  I could actually enjoy Christmas Eve.

I will make my list tonight and will start researching the deals. My hands will sweat a little as I press Add to Cart. They will continue to tremble as I enter my credit card number. But I am looking forward to the endorphin rush after clicking Place Order. My eyes will relax in the comfort of natural lighting in my sunroom as I rest my slippered feet while my dog Roxy snuggles next to me. Carrying the shipped boxes from the front door to the basement will be the only strain. Hey! My husband Danny could do that for me. With the money I’ll save, maybe I will treat myself to a purple studded phone case. I am really looking forward to losing my virginity.

Safety tips for Cyber Monday shoppers from the Better Business Bureau:

http://www.bizjournals.com/louisville/news/2012/11/21/ten-tips-for-cyber-monday-shoppers.html

Are you a Cyber Monday Virgin?

About these ads

About susielindau

I am a Boulder, Colorado writer and artist who loves adventure both real and imagined. Come with me. It's always a Wild Ride!
This entry was posted in Humor, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

97 Responses to I Am a Virgin

  1. Pingback: Time to Shopping – At The Book Fair! | Debra Kristi's Blog

  2. The Hook says:

    Pretty hot, Susie!

    Like

  3. I don’t want anything this year Susie!

    Like

  4. colonialist says:

    Um – isn’t the initial experience generally regarded as painful?

    Like

  5. OUW i dont know how you kept away from the temptation for so long …
    poor readers who came here looking for …. ;)

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      I know! Hahaha! I am so evil Soma.
      I can’t believe how much I got done yesterday! It was really intense in the beginning, but I got the hang of it and saved so much time and money… :)

      Like

  6. pjb1943 says:

    Shop naughty and have a great time. We’ve been shopping this way for years now (even get our state driver license this way). This was a “leading”, but really funny post, Susie. Nice job!
    Paul

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks Paul! I couldn’t help using the double entendre!

      Now that I have lost my cyberginity, I will never go back to only driving around to all of the stores. The really dumb thing, is my daughter has been giving me the links on her Christmas list for years and I have never clicked to buy! Duh!

      Like

  7. Holy Moly! How could have held out for so long?

    I love cyber Monday. It’s the best way to shop. There’s tremendous excitement when I come home from work and find another brown box has arrived. Even though the items inside are not for me (generally) I love opening each one, making sure it’s what I ordered, then wrapping it in pretty paper to give to someone else. On-line shopping is pretty much the only way I shop any more.

    Of course I always go to reputable sites and am very careful about using my credit card. I also do a great deal of catalog shopping, over the phone and what-not. Love the catalog shopping as well!

    Enjoy! and be careful!!

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Like

  8. 4amWriter says:

    I hope your online shopping day is going well! I did brave the stores on Black Friday. Seeing as how I’m up at a crazy hour on a normal day, getting up a couple hours earlier to shop is no big deal to me. But I was disappointed in the lack of ‘sales’…I thought that most things I wanted were the same price as they usually are. Maybe the sales are better online…

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      I am not sure if they were better, but I saved a ton of time!
      My daughter went out at midnight the year before and came back disappointed too.

      The last couple of years I have had the links to gifts, but ran around shopping for them. Can you imagine how dumb I looked giving the link to the salesperson saying, “Do you have this in stock?” They were so kind and never said a word about my refusal to shop online.
      Now I will never go back to trouncing around town except for the surprises and to support the local businesses!
      Thanks for stopping by! Be sure to bring a link today!

      Like

  9. Coleen Patrick says:

    You are so funny Susie–and awesomely creative!

    Like

  10. Debra Kristi says:

    You shop it, girl! I’ve been shopping online for several years now. It’s my preferred way. Speaking of, I need to get busy. Maybe we should compare notes afterwards. ;)

    Like

  11. I do hope you enjoy your first time and do not have to deal with any viruses.
    Scott

    Like

  12. mcolmo says:

    Congratz on this special moment. I’ll send a bouquet of flowers your way! LOL!

    Like

  13. Congrats on this momentous day, lady! LOL I love it. Happy shopping! Hope you’ll share all the saucy details. ;)

    Like

  14. Alas… I am not a virgin!

    I lost my cyberginity a couple of seasons ago. Oh, I still go out and brave the shopping hordes… some of the shops just simply must be experienced in person!

    Like

  15. Sophie Moss says:

    You crack me up, Susie! I usually wait until the last minute then run to the outlets or some small shops in my town to load up on presents the weekend before. But Cyber Monday sounds enticing! I may have to click around a bit today. :) Happy holidays!

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      I couldn’t help myself with this one!
      I am sure that it won’t eliminate all of my shopping, but I am hoping to put a dent in it. My daughter always sends me links to everything she wants and I have never taken advantage! Today is the day!

      Like

  16. If I remember this when I wake up later today, I may check some of the sales out. However, I’ve actually only heard about Cyber Monday a couple of times in the last few hours so…we shall see.

    Unlike you, Susie, I have purchased Christmas gifts from Amazon for the past 2 or 3 years. Not all of them, but books, movies and music CDs. Maybe I’ll get some decent deals today? Who knows. But good luck to you and everyone else who knew about this before I did, so you could plan your attack…I mean shopping strategies. :)

    Like

  17. Tori Nelson says:

    I would say I’m saving myself for a very special Cyber Monday deal down the road. More accurately I’m just terrified of internet shopping. It took a good long while for me to figure out how I accidentally ordered 4 of everything on my last web shopping trip.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Oh no! That sounds like me. I “respect” your decision to wait and hold off until you feel more comfortable. I will only be ordering through big companies to avoid the scammers…
      Thanks Tori!

      Like

  18. I hope your first time in cyber-shopping-heaven is as good they say it is!

    Like

  19. Angelia Sims says:

    Ha Ha! I’m not sure what to think? Your FIRST time? Has it happened yet? Do you feel changed? I did some pre-black Friday shopping. Boy, do I feel like a floozie. :-D

    Like

  20. I don’t necessarily love shopping on-line but I hate shopping in stores–thus cyber Monday is one of the best days of the year. I’ve found the stores I regularly shop send notices of deep discounts that even regular card holders don’t automatically receive notice of if you go on-line and register your e-mail for special notices. These sales occur all year long – you don’t have to wait for cyber Monday. Have a great time and Roxy can join you:)

    Like

  21. Susie … try it! You’ll like it!

    Like

  22. I’m a virgin too!! I didn’t know this existed.. I’ll have to look around. I do shop on occasion, but only through trusted websites. Good luck!! xxx

    Like

  23. gardenlilie says:

    I have done both…but do not know where the deals are online. Usually my purchase ends up being so much unless there is free shipping. Good Luck!

    Like

    • gardenlilie says:

      Today the parking lot was not bad at all, took my girls and did a little bit. Buy, Buy Buy! Fun but geez, where is Christmas? I should take them to a food kitchen for a night out!

      Like

      • susielindau says:

        Isn’t that true??? We are very involved with The Denver Santa Claus Shop, where we distribute toys to needy kids,.but I think it would be great to get involved like that. I am going to look into the halfway house for homeless teens.

        Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks Lilie! I will definitely take advantage of the deals and let my fingers do the walking! I love Googling an item and seeing where the deals are. I have been checking out the deals at Target, Costco, Overland Sheepskin and Macys, so far….

      Like

  24. I’ve been a retailer traditionalist too, but sorely tempted to break my virginity also and go totally online this Christmas. Apparently its also cheaper.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Last year my daughter sent me all of her links and I ran around to all the stores trying to find the items. How dumb was that????
      Lose the virginity, I say!
      Thanks so much Curtain Raiser!

      Like

  25. Julie Catherine says:

    Hahaha, love it! I used to be all about online shopping, but I don’t even own a credit card anymore (did you faint?) so can’t do online shopping except with paypal …. sigh. Have fun – and you won’t have to fight for a parking spot, either! :)

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      We’ll see how it goes! I have never been able to set up a Paypal account. User error most likely….
      I am really looking forward to CM! Everyone’s birthdays coincide so it will alleviate some stress in looking for those spots!

      Like

  26. I am proud to say I am a web whore and have been for years. My husband is so paranoid about putting his information online, meanwhile I’m filling virtual carts all over the web without a second thought.
    Don’t rush into anything, take it slow maybe pour yourself a glass of wine to take the edge off and enjoy!
    Roxy looks beautiful…don’t forget PetSmart is a click away.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Hahaha! Love it! I am joining the club!
      My daughter has always used the web that way and she is 20! 21 in a couple of weeks. It has taken me forever! I will take your advice and take my time. No wine tomorrow… colonoscopy on Tuesday! Euuuuuwwww!
      Love the Petsmart idea. I bet they will have some deals too!
      Thanks so much!

      Like

  27. tedstrutz says:

    You are too much! First, trying to hook unsuspecting readers with a misleading steamy unseemly title… and then… having a Dog Picture as the first thing they see! A Dog Picture, and not just any dog! We will read your posts anyway, lady.

    My favorite shopping is online at the Apple Store. I am very popular in my family. I know the rush of hitting the ‘buy now’ button, followed by the immediate ‘buyers remorse’… but it’s all good in the end. Thanks for the reminder… I will have to stop by on Monday.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Did you feel used and abused? Hey that is coming up on Wednesday!
      There you go! I am planning to keep an ear on the Packer game while making my list and checking it twice. Apple Store! Fantastic!

      Like

      • tedstrutz says:

        Oh Joy! I can’t wait till Wednesday! I can tell everyone about my PhotoLog… again. And, of course that ‘must read’… TedBook.

        Packer’s Game??? More like a Giant’s Game at the moment. And since I’m a Bears fan, there’s no tears being shed here… Hope you have your Kleenex handy… Have fun shopping!

        Like

        • susielindau says:

          Thanks Ted!
          Head football coach John Embree was just fired from CU. I knew heads would roll after being 1-11, but I didn’t think they would act so fast!
          I will blog a head’s up post on Tuesday about Use Me and Abuse Me Day!

          Like

  28. rich says:

    i’ve been online shopping – especially at this time – since about 2001. the benefits are that you can sit on your ass, in your underwear if you wish, while shopping. also, you can usually get free shipping. and if you’re buying something big for someone, you can even ship it to their house so you don’t have to bring it there yourself. also, you might benefit from no sales tax, depending on which state you’re in. i’ve learned that sometimes you have to have the items shipped to your work address because they’ll usually deliver to your home while you’re at work, then leave that stupid note letting you know they were there and you weren’t.

    i hope it’s good for you.

    Like

  29. cjknotts says:

    Omg Susie we blogged on the same subject today how funny!!!!!

    Like

  30. I usually do that but not this year… but have fun and its the way to go..
    HUGGGGGGGGG

    Like

  31. 2ndhalfolife says:

    I LOVE the picture!!! Your pup is adorable…I have one similar….

    Like

  32. tomwisk says:

    I gave in early on. Call me easy. Sometimes it seems mechanical but do it anyway. Hope it stays exciting for you.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Hahaha! These comments are better than my post! Hilarious!
      I am sure that the initial thrill of the first time will eventually wear off. I am just hoping to keep my energy level up….. :)

      Like

  33. Oh, yes, yes, Susie! Give in to your impulses! Come join us here on the dark side! Seriously, I’ve been doing most of my Christmas shopping on line for four or five years now…no crawling through heavy traffic while watching your gas gauge dwindle, no searching endlessly for a parking space, no pawing through a skimpy selection while other shoppers try to reach over and around and through you to get at it too, no wading through slush back to your car while trying to hold on to all your bags of Stuff… I’m an instinctive traditionalist about lots of things, but cybershopping is just better.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Right on sista! Hahaha! You said it all!
      I don’t know what has kept me lagging and behind the steering wheel. It has been ridiculous especially when my daughter has given me links to online sites FOR YEARS!
      I will be giving into my impulses big time tomorrow! :) Enjoy your day too!

      Like

  34. El Guapo says:

    Good luck!
    Though for some things, I prefer to research on line, then buy at local retailers to give them the bump.

    Like

  35. You’re so funny! Have fun losing your virginity ~ it’s so much fun, you’ll want to do it again and again. Trust me. I’m a Cyber Monday slut.

    Like

  36. Apart from groceries, I really do most of my shopping on line. Does that make me a cyber-slut? ;)

    Like

  37. I’m sure you’ll enjoy taking the plunge! If I may make a shameless plug, Amazon.com offers free, 2-day shipping for Amazon Primer members :-)
    There’s a fee for membership but since I make most of my purchases there, it as payed off. Cheers :)
    I agree, a tad naughty title!

    Like

  38. You may want t wear surgical gloves to avoid catching a computer virus. ;)

    Like

  39. John says:

    A very naughty title Susie!! Happy shopping. ;)

    Like

Any wild thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s