The Boob Report – Roadblocks and U-Turns

The Boob Report Just when I had a plan, life smited me. Like the big thumb and forefinger in Monty Python’s Flying Circus, it flicked me off the stage. I believe there is a purpose, a screenplay, or a storyline in which I am bit part actor, but I can’t see the big picture. This time the setback knocked the wind out of me when I landed in the cheap seats.

Imagine my surprise after a routine mammogram on April 16th when I received a frantic phone call from the nurse asking me to come back in for an ultrasound. IMMEDIATELY!

My heart bolted from my chest as panic set in. While on hold, I paced through my house, upstairs, downstairs, down the hall and back up the stairs again. I probably covered two miles in the forty-five minutes it took them to reschedule others and fit me in the next day.

At one point I had Evelyn from Avista Hospital on one ear, when Evelyn from Boulder Medical Center called my cell phone. I thought I was losing my mind, but they know each other. Fearful that one would hang up after being on the phone for so long, I talked slowly and clearly.

“Evelyns. You are both talking at the same time and I can’t hear anything you are saying. I am going to take the appointment tomorrow at Boulder Medical Center. Did you hear that Evelyn? No the Evelyn from Avista. Great. Yes. 9:00 tomorrow at the Medical Center. Thank you Evelyns.” Then I slumped to the floor.

Shocking? Yes. This happened the day after the Boston Marathon bombings and five days after my birthday.

I had a needle biopsy a few days later (three – one inch core samples), and received the results late in the afternoon on Friday. At first the doctor’s voice sounded cheerful, so I relaxed. My husband Danny was sure we would celebrate that night. 

Then my doctor said, “I am sorry to tell you that I have some bad news. The lump in your right breast is malignant.” 

I have been diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in my right breast. They will know more after surgery.

Cancer? Me? I have bought organic food and have used organic cleaners for almost 20 years.

Me? I insisted on building a green home and chose wool carpet over polyester because of off-gassing and water-based floor finisher over formaldehyde-filled solvents.

Me? I painted the murals in our home with water soluble oils since I react to linseed oil and turpentine.

Me? After cutting five stained glass windows, I paid my teacher to lead them because of the toxic fumes.

Me? I am hyper-sensitive to pesticides, so I only uses organic ways to get rid of pests.

Me? I have always watched what I put in and on my body, a body which is small, but in pretty dang good shape.

You see I am as green as can be. I live in Boulder. It comes with the territory.

I screamed. I shouted. I f-bombed myself for coming in contact with something that screwed over my DNA. I did everything to prevent what happened anyway. My doctor blames DDT which was widely used until 1972.

After a nightmarish and sleepless weekend, I calmed myself.

I started cracking jokes and came up with a theory:

Some believe we choose what happens to us in this lifetime. I pictured myself in a strange universe ready to be reincarnated once again.

005

Some higher power with a voice like James Earl Jones says, “In this lifetime you will face heart defects.”

Since I always believe I am stronger than everyone else, massive really, I respond in a high-pitched squeaky voice, “A defective heart? Really? Is that all you got? You can do better than that. I can take it! BRING IT ON!”

“Okay. You asked for it,” says James Earl Jones’s voice, “It will be a painful and humbling experience, but you will be stronger if you survive.”

“Pshhh! Of course I will survive. I will do more than survive. I will THRIVE!”

And so life brought it on.

I am still relatively young with a really Wild Ride ahead. But I AM so massive, so strong-willed, and so head-strong, I know I can do this!

After having a successful heart ablation three years ago, I have been trying to get the word out that heart disease is women’s number one killer.

I won’t die from this. It is a roadblock, a piece of shit construction zone that is going to tie me up for a while. When I am done, I will be like a new smooth stretch of highway.

I will be free of this disease which my body has battled for at least five to seven years according to my oncologist. Damn. I have an oncologist now. He said I am in the best shape of any of the patients he has seen over the last 25 years. So there. How cool am I? Take that cancer! You are going DOWN!

Then my doctor said, “There is no reason why you shouldn’t live to be 90.”

What? I want to live to be 105 and have my name appear on The Today Show six years in a row. Then I can croak. (Don’t forget to count 100. Yep that’s six.)

I am a Wild Rider and refuse to be a tragic character from a Gothic novel. Someday soon, the giant thumb and forefinger will pick me back up from the cheap seats and set me back down on the stage after brushing me off and shaking my hand. Okay. Maybe I will only be able to shake one of its fingers.

Get ready for occasional Boob Reports with updates of my triumphs and milestones. I am still making plans and am looking forward to fun events in the months ahead. You’ll see! I may be down, but I won’t be taken out.

Stay tuned Wild Riders!

There have already been times when I couldn’t keep up with your posts. Know that I am thinking of you and will read and comment when I can. I will have a double mastectomy in the next week or two.  

Do you face adversity with humor?

Photos by Susie Lindau. Okay. Danny helped with the first one. 

Related Posts:

The Boob Report II: Laughter is the Best Medicine

The Boob Report III: Post-op

The Boob Report IV: Coming out of the Haze

The Boob Report V: Bosom Boosting Buddies

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335 Comments

Filed under Boob Reports, Humor, Life, Photography

335 responses to “The Boob Report – Roadblocks and U-Turns

  1. Pingback: An open letter to my boobs

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  7. Good for you! Just reading this made my energy rise… Thank you.

    You are a warrior of wellness, and I know you will be on the today show 6 times in a row!

    Happiest New Year!
    Lindsey

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  12. Hi Susie – Just catching up. Scary news!!!!!!!!!! :( Praying for you and wishing you all the best, love!!! <3

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  14. Just caught up with this. Hang on!!! Take a deep breath. Exhale. Do anything you want and do it frequently(just like you have). I’ve just inserted you onto the top of my prayer list. I should point out though that it’s not that big a list but still in all you’re at the top and you and your blog are tops with me.

    info-forager

  15. Pingback: The Boob Report – Bosom Boosting Buddies | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  16. May each day be preciously spent with your in person friends and yes, your family. How are they taking all this?

  17. Pingback: The Boob Report IV – Coming Out of the Haze | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  18. What? What? Oh hell no. I am f bombing the hell out of this room right now. And full of admiration at your strength. Wow, Susie. If anyone can take this on, it’s you. You are going to whip that fucking cancer into a tiny whining softbellied ball of remission.

  19. Stay strong. I had a scare a few months ago and had the needle biopsy done. Fortunately it turned out to be better news than yours. My thoughts will be with you on this terrifying journey.

  20. theproverbialwife

    Awesome attitude and I have no doubt you will kick cancer’s butt and be an inspiration to many in the process! Hugs to you:)

  21. G0 get ‘em Susie! You have the exact attitude I had a few years ago, but you say it funnier :) My thoughts are with you as you recouperate and I’ll be cheering as you knock C on its as*.

  22. Anonymous

    Just know that I’m praying for you, Susie. I can only think of what Roosevelt said, “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”

    • Annagiulia

      hello gourgeus , how are you this morning, give us an update! thinking and praying for you a lot, love xoxo :-)

      • DeeAnna Galbraith

        Been there, got the lumpectomy scar. Been over six years. Last check-up after surgery, doc said said “Good luck.” My snappy response? “Luck has nothing to do with it. It’s all me”.

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  26. Kate Effinger

    Humor is just another defense against the universe. ~Mel Brooks
    Susie:
    Just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you all + that humor and perspective can get one through anything. But you obviously already keenly know that.. :)
    We will be pleased to keep posted on the blog re your wild ride.
    Best,
    Kate and clan

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  32. Beth

    Dear Susie –
    I am so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this and I’m here for you if there’s anything I can do to help. You are always so positive and uplifting and to think the last time we saw each other you were helping me out and giving me suggestions on books to read etc. You can definitely beat this and I’ll be praying for you all the way!!! God Bless – Beth Gouin

  33. Your spirit is unstoppable, Susie! I’m so shocked to hear your news and I regret it’s taken me this long to tune in. I’m sure you know, from all the comments, that we across the globe are with you all the way, cheering for you…

  34. How did I miss this?? My thoughts and prayers are with you…..You are strong and you inspire all of us…I will be lifting you up with everyone else…and with all of that love under your wings, I know you’ll fly high :)

  35. Susie, I somehow missed this when you originally posted it. Wish you the best and I’m sure your strong will and determination will carry you through this difficult time. No go beat this thing!

  36. Karen Lindau

    Hey, just read this first one…you ARE strong! Jamie told me about your conversation…glad he could give you some feedback! We are thinking of you and I am sending good energies your way! so…do you feel them?! I will keep it up! You do to!

  37. Pingback: The Boob Report – Laughter is the Best Medicine | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  38. You got this – kick the s out of c, susie!

    Marti saw me looking at your post, and thought I was looking at porn from your opening pic. I was like ‘yes, garden porn from boulder’.

  39. Susie – I am new to WordPress and just amazed at the journey so far. The path to you was a prompt on my sidebar that told me I might like Elena Levon’s posts. Lo and behold I did and then she suggested your article on numbers and followers. I was liking what I was reading…..was about to click on “follow” and was stopped in my tracks by the boob report! My own wife is a survivor from a diagnosis in 2009. You will beat this! You know it and I know it just based on the spirit I see and feel in you. You and your family will have their moments but in a strange way we become stronger for it. Trust me…I know first hand. Please allow this new fan and eventual friend to wish you well and send up a prayer. I look forward to future boob reports and other posts when you get around this roadblock in your wild ride.

    • Thank you so much! It is amazing how we all find each other.
      I am so glad to hear your wife is a survivor from 2009!
      I will have surgery this Friday, but dragged my butt to the Bolder Boulder and finished the 10K. Don’t worry. I walked this year!
      It was a shocker, but I feel like getting this horrid disease happened to me for a reason. I am a very fit person and had no idea it had been hiding in my body.
      I have another Boob Report almost ready to post along with several other adventures, but only so many days until I will be laid up for a while. I have time… :)
      Welcome to the Wild Ride!

  40. Damn right you’ll beat it.
    And if there’s anything I can do along the way (like hold it down whilst you pummel it about the nether regions), I’m more than happy to.

    • Oh please do! I will to kick that sucker where it hurts! I can’t wait until it is out of my body. Next Friday is the big day. Thank God “it” is in something I don’t need in order to live.
      Thanks Guapo!

  41. Pingback: Go Susie! | Catherine Johnson

  42. Good Luck, Kid… you’ll do fine. Besides, anyone who actually uses the word ‘smite’ to start their post has a lot going. Love the pic… keep em coming.

    • Hmmm… I clicked ‘like’ and I really didn’t like the news I heard…

      • Thanks Ted!
        I am looking forward to a week from now when it will all be behind me.
        I have another Boob Report ready to go out on Tuesday. Danny will send another one out after surgery on Friday.
        Thanks for the luck. I can use all I can get!

  43. Pingback: We fight for the fine places we make in this world | drinkswellwithothers

  44. Jeepers! I nearly burned out the scroll button getting to an open comment window, Susie. (Tons of stellar observations, advice, and encouragement on the journey.)

    This proves I belong to a huge fan club for the Susie-Lindau-Wild-Ride-of-Life-Philosophy. You face diversity with such strength. You speed-grieved through the “Why me? stage. and hopped on the Let’s get ‘er Done bike with admirable determination.

    Yes. I use humor when faced with diversity. Given the choice to either laugh or cry about a situation I can’t control, it’s a no-brainer (after the necessary soul-cleansing cry).

    I’ll be following your journey, Susie. I know it will offer lessons in strength that will serve me well when I face my next bonk on the noggin from that giant hand.

    Pinging hugs and best wishes from the stars over Texas to those over Colorado! Step onto your balcony on a clear night. You’ll feel them.

    • I do feel those hugs and best wishes from the stars Gloria!
      I am amazed at how long it took for my subconscious to get used to this new normal. I would wake up in the middle of the night and remember with a horrible sinking feeling. The last few days I am back to waking up in the middle of the night with normal worries about the kids and stupid stuff. Progress!!!

      I guess we all get plinked by the giant hand at some point. I just thought it could wait a little while at least. Sheesh!

      The positive energy has been flowing from all my friends and family. The response has been overwhelming, but I appreciate every one of you!
      “Off with her boobs!” happens on Friday. I am praying for clear lymph nodes and then I will be back to Wild Riding. It is hard to keep me down.
      Tomorrow I am walking the Bolder Boulder!
      Thanks so much!

  45. I face everything with humor… drives my wife nuts! “This is no time for laughing….” Unfortunately, my kids have picked up on this and they too respond with humor, which NOW drives me nuts. Cruel twists.

    I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts over the coming weeks. Prayers and good wishes.

  46. Just checking up on you Susie. It’s been quiet on your side of the fence and I understand. Adjustments, doctors, tests, and a few periods of what the hell’s happening and why me, and then start the circle over again. Doesn’t leave a lot of spare time for anyone else except family and that’s just fine. I went through all of these with my heart and I’m sure cancer isn’t any easier to deal with. Hang tough ! If anyone can beat this you can. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers and I’ll check in with you from time to time.
    p.s. I figured out what’s wrong with the picture…, and it’s not the flower pots !!! I don’t see your usual smile. :)
    Paul

    • Ohhh! You are right Paul. I wasn’t smiling in that one.
      My new reality finally doesn’t shock me when I wake in the morning or middle of the night and for that I am grateful. I thought I was done when I had that ablation 3 years ago.
      I can’t believe how many appointments there are. If I do get a free day, the phone still rings… sheesh!
      I am trying to decide whether to post another boob report over the weekend or to do a fun one. I have both written. Most people will be out and about.
      Have a Happy Memorial Day weekend! I am going to walk the Bolder Boulder on Monday. :)

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  48. thinking about you today…and then whadayaknow you stopped by Jots.
    great minds youse and mees. how you be sweet-tea? you need or want anything from portland? how about some continuing winter rain and snow..? yeah..i’d say no, too!
    how about something else instead….we have stuff here i know you’d love to have…..let me know if you have hankerings for some of our stuff. i send it toot sweet……raye

  49. God, Susie. This stinks, big time.

    My sister was diagnosed stage 1 a couple of years ago and she is A-1, fine now. You can and will beat this.

    I’m praying that all goes well with your surgery and recovery. And you’re right – nothing as small as cancer gonna get you down, girl. No way!

    • Thanks so much Peg! I appreciate the prayers. I have to admit it is getting scarier as the “Off With Her Boobs!” day approaches. Thanks for sharing the story about your sister. I am so happy to hear that she is doing so well. :)

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  51. Fuck! sorry , i had to say it! life is really testing you…( it’s jealous of you) it should really give up, because you are so much stronger.. you will checkmate this thing in no time! You are an inspiration, Susie! I’m here for you.

    love form Italy.

    lena xoxoxo

    • also try Cold pressed, extra virgin Coconut Oil… 2 table spoons in morning and at night.. you can either just eat it or cook with it… it does wonders ( helped my friend who had cancer .. ) do some research on that specific Oil.. but it MUST be cold pressed and extra virgin!

    • Italy???? Wow!
      Fuck is right!
      Thanks so much for checking in on me. I am so far behind in reading other posts with all the appointments and my mental adjustment. I woke up and am feeling great today. Finally!
      I will kick this thing and am hoping to be able to travel this summer. Hopefully, we will be able to meet up!
      Thanks so much for the support Elena!
      xxoo!

  52. You’re an amazing woman, Susie. Your spirit alone has more fight than a whole army. I believe that you’ll nip this in the bud and show us what real living is all about.

    • That is the plan! Thanks so much. I have a huge team with all of you behind me. There will be many more wild rides ahead which will be a lot more fun than this one! :)

  53. I nominated you for the Wonderful Team Membership Award. Go here for details. http://wp.me/p2Qoij-sb And yes you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do.

  54. You are woman! Hear you roar! This is one of those posts where I pushed ‘like’ even though it’s not a like like, as in gee isn’t that nice. Nothing nice about boob going to the dark & wild. This is Thorian thunderbolt, but you know that. Thank you for coming out, for carrying the torch, even for finding the funny in breast cancer. I’m sure I won’t be your only ‘follower’ doing a mad beat-the-C dance in your honor.

    • Woohoo! Dance baby dance!
      I am going to beat this and am so thankful they found it in an early stage.
      My purpose with this and future Boob Reports is to change how people think of breast cancer and to get people to talk about it. Because we cover our breasts, there has always seemed to be some shame in it. I only have one friend who talked openly about her journey, but most have been very private. By blogging about it, my friends have felt more comfortable in contacting me.

      And the jokes? Well they just keep on coming. It is foreign territory and I have planted my Boob Report flag!
      Thanks so much!

  55. Susie,
    I can’t worry about you too much; I know you will be fine. Life just goes on and you go on with it.
    I will pray for you and yours, anyway.
    By the way, nice um…pots in the picture. :-)
    Scott

  56. Juliet and I talked at length about your post. We discussed what it means, what we can and cannot control, and ultimately how much will has to do with success. I have likely read top to bottom a solid number of your posts, and I must admit that this one resonates in its clarity, descriptions, and spirit. While I would be a liar if I said I was not at least moderately influenced by the situation that inspired this content, I would also be out of line if I did not acknowledge just how inspiring your post here is and will be for many people (including me). I have not read any prior comments today, but I assume most of them attest to your bravery, heart, and outright balls in the face of such a challenge. I concur and will add that it has already given your writing a new tone, and another layer of loving prose to pull us in and make us realize how a wild ride is indeed a dynamic course to negotiate. Keep it coming Susie. We send our love and our support.
    Huge Hugs,
    M&J

    • Wow! Thanks so much Michael! I will print out your response.
      I am in a good place and finally got a great night’s sleep, (I only woke up once for an hour), so I am back to work. :)

      I used to wake up, remember my diagnosis and cry. I have accepted it and think it happened for a reason. I realize I can’t change the fact that I will soon have the label, “breast cancer survivor,” attached to my name, but I can change the way people think about breast cancer.

      I have excellent surgeons and radiologists working on my case which they seem to have expedited. Danny and I want to travel this summer believe it or not. My prognosis is good so far. They will know more after the surgery on the 31st.
      I can’t wait to get this shit out of my body. I spoke with the reconstructive surgeon yesterday and he concurred that my rare form of cancer has been in my body for almost 7 years!!! Yuck!

      Thanks so much for the kind, beautiful and supportive words.
      (((hugs))) to Juliet too!

      • 7 years? Holy Cow! I can’t wait to find out where you guys are traveling. The 31st is my brother’s birthday so I will be thinking of you on this important day. I expect some humor from the hospital bed to make its way here on the blog. Glad you found my note helpful. Your work means a ton to me.
        Rock on SL!

        • Thanks so much for the support Bliss Michael!
          I think it came from the soy I ingested. It raises women’s estrogen and my cancer is estrogen positive.
          I am going to tee up a post for Danny to shoot out as soon as the operation is over. The nurses assure me that this is pretty routine which is sad given the rise in the number of breast cancer cases.
          Thanks again!

          • soy is bullshit! I am trying so hard to eliminate it completely. You rock this out Susie! We will be thinking of you all through this process. The wild ride only gets wilder. Let’s hope it gets to be a little less wild very soon

  57. Dear Susie,
    I am a cancer survivor and you will be one too. Deal with it any way you can aside from respressing and suppressing your emotions. Shout from rooftops! Laugh until you drop. Cry until you fill a paddling pool with your tears. Then survive – ya hear me? (Said through tears as I wish I could HUG you. )

    • Reading the comments here is inspiring. I’m subscribing to your comments on this thread. And sending you another hug.

    • Ohhh! ((((Hugs!))))
      I am glad to hear that you survived it! Wow!
      I turned a big corner after I blogged this. I haven’t cried since! It must be all that positive energy coming through the blogosphere! I cried a lot in the beginning, but I found that crying and feeling sorry for myself didn’t help me. It is better for me to keep thinking about how lucky I am and that it was discovered early. I put it in perspective of the Boston Marathon bombings and the huge tornado in Oklahoma. I have my legs and my children are safe so I say to myself, “Suck it up! Snap out of it!” I am a good listener… :)
      Thank you so much Timethief! You have been through so much too. Thanks for your encouraging words and your virtual hugs!!!

  58. Richelle Burnett

    I LOVE the beautiful way you are Susie!!! You are a force to be reckoned with and you WILL be on the Today Show Susie!!!! (PS – I always say I want to be at least 104 … we can be on the show together!!). Lots of love coming your way!!
    Richelle

    • I bet we will be there Richelle! Another outing for the Beaver Creek Girls! :)
      Thanks so much and for all your support. I really appreciate your messages too!

  59. Susie, you are beautiful. I love your photo in this blog. I too face difficult times with laughter. And your Wild Ride is going to be an adventurous one. We’re all thinking of you and wishing nothing but the best (or bookworthy)!

    • Thank you so much! I am glad I wasn’t arrested! :)
      Don’t you think it is the only way? It is just what I do. The hopeless optimist. That’s me!
      It will be a Wild Year. Soon I will know exactly what I am in for, but what ever it is, I face it head on with all this amazing support!

  60. You made me cry and laugh reading this – you are a SURVIVOR and this is just another WILD RIDE on the rollercoaster for you!!! I went through a cervix cancer scare in my late-20s, finally diagnosed with Asthma in my early-30s and learned that my lower spine is a little jacked up a year ago – never slowed done and never stopped fighting.

    If you need anything just let me know and for now sending healing thoughts and prayers:)

    Have a Great Week My Friend – YOU are a ROCKSTAR!!!

  61. So sorry you are having to deal with all of this. But from the short time I have gotten to know you in this little ol’ blogosphere I have learned that if anyone can handle anything that’s thrown their way and kick it in the arse… it’s you my blogging friend. You do rock.

    • Thanks for that vote of confidence! I am so happy they found it. Apparently, my type of cancer doesn’t show up until it is huge, but mine is still stage 1 which is the earliest. Lucky Lindau!
      I am really looking forward to getting it out of my body and will soon be Wild Riding again!
      Thank you so very much! A virtual high 5 to you!

  62. Damn skippy, Susie! You are one of the strongest, healthiest, most positive and beautiful people I know – inside and out. This thing doesn’t stand a CHANCE.

    On a more serious note, thank you for sharing this scary journey with us – you’re in my thoughts (and? That is a gorgeous picture!)!

    • Thanks so much Jules! You are such a great friend.
      This thing really sucks, but I know that I have been given a huge opportunity to make people think differently about breast cancer. Boobs are pretty funny!
      Now you know why I asked for that link to Tig Notaro! When I first found out I had cancer, I thought of your blog post. I told Danny, “There has got to be an angle on this that I can write about that isn’t all doom and gloom.” Then my silly humor kicked in!

  63. I must say, if a positive attitude is half the battle, you my dear are well on your way to a Today Show shout-out. Keep up that rock star mentality, Susie! Cancer can suck it!!!

    • Exactly! I will echo your words. “Suck it Cancer!!”
      I don’t know any other way to go through this. If I feel my self slipping down, I pull myself out of it. I am not one for pity parties! :)
      Thanks so much Jessica!

  64. While I do not particularly care for the universe’s method on this one, this is a tremendous opportunity for you to inspire and influence people with your strength, positivity, and determination. Not only are you going to decimate cancer but you are going to build an entire army who will destroy this asshole wherever he shows up.

    You’ve totally got this!

    • I feel the strength in your words! I hope I will continue to post about this in my own quirky and funny way. Soon it will be behind me. With all of you cheering me on, it WILL be decimated!
      Thanks so much Pinot!

  65. You have so many comments already, but I just want to echo everyone else’s best wishes for strength as you go through this battle – and you WILL win it.

    • Thanks so much for stopping by! I will win! I really appreciate your kind words.. :) I am still visualizing a “bump in the road” and that “new stretch of highway!”

  66. If you fight like you write, this opponent will be a pushover, Susie. My best and warmest wishes. – Matt (Chicken Mãâàn)

  67. Susie, you are so beautiful and strong. I am praying for you and you will come through this. Hugs, Nia

  68. You are a survivor, you will do this.

  69. Stay strong, writer girl. You are achieving so much already sharing this in such a creative, honest wonderful writing style that is all you, Susie. Hugs.

    • Thanks so much Elaine!
      It is a shock, but I will make it through. It is becoming easier to laugh about it than cry which is a very good thing. Besides boobs are pretty funny and there seems to be an endless supply of material!

  70. You are in the best possible spot to fight this. It will be OK. (and think of all Blogland’s positive energy being focused.) – Go Susie Go. (Besides the Queen is bound to be sending her grandson back for your tour of Boulder)

  71. Boob Cheering Section….see me? I’m in the front row..along with everyone else. We are all holding hands with each other and….you. Raye

  72. Pingback: Cancer Always Calls Collect – Part 11 – Stages of Trust – Zoomers | lindaseccaspina

  73. I wanted to say that I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this experience…and I am. But mostly I’m inspired by your attitude. I’m also inspired by the experiences of others who have posted here (Christine…so glad you’re beating it, too).

    Along with everyone else, I’ll be praying for you, and for a quick recovery, too.

  74. We’ve got you – can you feel us? We’re right here and we won’t let you go!

  75. I have been reluctant to share the following information until now, but my wife has received a similar call this week: she has to return for another mammogram and ultrasound on the 27th.
    My heart goes out to you, Susie. You are one of my faves and I am sending positive vibes your way from the Falls.
    Be well, my beautiful friend.

    • Oh my gosh Hook! I finally made it to your comment from the bottom.
      I asked for your email so I could skip ahead and then life got in the way.
      I am sorry to hear about your wife. Hopefully it is just a cyst. Danny has been my rock and kept insisting we would be partying after the results, but he held me tight instead. Even if it is bad news, tell her she will get through it. Have her read my blog. There have been several nurses and doctors that want to send their patients to my site. I think if they see that you can laugh about it, then it is not so scary. Most survive this… 1 out of 31 don’t make it. 1 out of 3 die from heart disease. That 31st person probably has a lot of other health issues.
      Let me know how it goes. Sending her prayers Hook!
      Thanks so much for your support. You are one of my faves too!

  76. Gosh Susie that’s a shocker and a half. You’ve got my eyes welling up. You are an amazing person, you can rely on all of us to get you through it. Hugs.

    • Thanks Catherine! This is the part that is so hard. If I didn’t have to tell people I wouldn’t, but I will be away and didn’t want people to think I had abandoned them. I know I can rely on you!!! **muah**

  77. I believe in you Susie. You are stronger, tougher, more powerful than this. You’ll be kicking it’s ass in no time. Just be YOU and you will win. I got your back, girl.

  78. I am so sorry you have to go through this, Susie. But I know you’ll kick butt and reach that 105 mark! (Or is it 110 now?) I have so many friends who have faced this and beaten it. And if they can, the Lady of the Wild Ride sure can! Sending you hugs and and extra grrrrr.

    • LOVE the Grrrrr! I am so thankful to have friends like you who know me and are so encouraging. I am over the hump and am ready to face it head on. Now I find myself giggling all the time over all the jokes I keep coming up with. I better start writing them down!!!
      I am glad to hear that your friends are okay. Thanks so much!

  79. You’ve got this, Susie. You can kick its ass. Thinking of you.

  80. I hesitated to “like” this post, but my like is for your kick some ass attitude. Your courage is f-bomb-ing amazing. HUGS, Susie.

    • Hey! That’s what I’m talking about Coleen! That was the point of the article. Armed with my sense of humor I will be absolutely fine!!!
      It is amazing what a stress reducer humor is…
      Thanks so much my good friend!

  81. I admire and respect you so much, Susie, and have total faith in your ability to heal and thrive through all of this. Please know that I’m in your court! If I could fly in and join you for one of your treatment parties (I have a feeling you’ll make those fun, somehow!), I WOULD! Lots and lots of love. You = rockstar.

    • PS How much do I love that photo??? Gorgeousness. :)

      • Thanks so much August! You are the best! I really appreciated your kind words when I was still crumpled up on the floor…
        I will be so glad to get the cancer out of my body. It is going to feel great after carrying around that bitch for 5 years! :)
        My friend wants to blow up that photo for me. Wouldn’t that be a riot! Hang it over the fireplace! Hahaha!

  82. Susie, I come from a family of breast cancer survivors (a grandmother who just celebrated her 90th birthday…so yeah, go for that 105, you can</strong do it, an aunt and great-grandmother all from my father’s side [heart disease is the killer on my mom's side])….

    Anyway, i read your posts because I love your positive attitude toward life and adversity. I have no doubt you will beat this.

    • I actually skimmed these comments yesterday. Yours gave me shivers and made my day!! Wow! What a role model for me. Thank you so much for sharing.
      I WILL beat this!

      • Yes,, You will.

        I don’t know if you will be in the mood for reading a book about a cancer survivor, Susie, but (because of my family history) I enjoyed it… It’s called The Dog Lived (And So Will I), and you may enjoy her humor and perspective.

        A fun, heartening read…and a reminder that yes, you will get through this.

  83. Susie, if anyone can tackle this with humor, grace and strength it is you. Sending all my happy thoughts to CO. You’re a rockstar.

    • Thanks so much! Talk about awkward moments… I could write a book and it’s only been a month! I would share, but I will save it for my Boob Reports… I really appreciate the happy thoughts. It must be working!

  84. I feel for you Susie! Similar to you possibly, I too have done everything healthy from eating to exercising yet me blood tests this year suggest prostate cancer. How can this be? Me? I can run faster than 90% of my age group. Seriously? They took 12 samples from a place not made for cameras and needles at the same time in me in a biopsy and I find those results Tuesday. I empathize with you Susie! I wonder if your doctor knows what he / she is in for?

    • I am so sorry to hear that. Hang in there. Prostate cancer like breast cancer is very treatable. There are also a lot of false positives with prostate cancer so it is probably benign. Just Believe!! Let me know…
      My doctor believes it is our exposure to DDT when we were young that causes cancer in otherwise healthy adults, unless you were born after 1972.
      Okay so take it from a wild rider who has been coming up with so many boob jokes I could do stand up. You gotta find a way to laugh. You can’t laugh and cry at the same, nor can fear reside in the same place. Distract yourself.
      When I really go down the drain I remind myself of the Boston bombings. It could be a lot worse….
      I’ll say a prayer for you!
      Oh yeah and my doctors think I am nearing a mental break down! Hahaha! They have never seen anyone crack jokes during biopsies….

      • I was actually making jokes the whole time he was taking his samples. I had him laughing at one point. It was my way to distract me from what was going on. When we were done the nurse looks at the pictures and confesses she had never seen one so small (sigh). A dubious honor. Small is good this time. I said I coulda told her that then showed her my hands. ~ I do feel good about the meeting Tues. yet the blood work has been coming up bad for awhile so something must be whacky. …Best of luck to you Susie! Let’s hear those boob jokes sometime. :) Like you said, ya gotta laugh!

  85. Good girl, Susie. Early detection makes all the difference, and you are going to be just fine. I love your sense of humor and knock-this-sucker-in-the-teeth mentality. (Also, the picture is hot.)

    XO

    • Coming from you Averil, with all the soft porn on your site, means a lot! Hahaha!
      I will be fine. It will be a rocky road, but I can take it… :)
      Thanks so much!

  86. Susie, I’ve been following your blog for almost two years and this is the first time I am posting a reply. Not because I’ve never liked any of your blog posts, I have, very much. I just wanted to say stay strong and positive.

    • Wow! Thanks so much for reading and commenting today! I really appreciate your kind words.
      I am in a really good place. The boob, I mean blog fodder just keeps on coming. A couple of my girlfriends called this afternoon and I had them laughing. I think they thought I would be a mess. I was a mess two weeks ago. It takes time to get used to the new normal, but I will be okay!!

  87. Good luck Susie – keep it wild girl!

  88. You truly are amazing (hideous), Susie. You must be the strongest woman I know and I have every bit of faith that you will make your 105 year-old goal. We are all here for you in what ever capacity you need us. Your inner beauty and strength shines through and that will help lift you up through this. Feel free to lean on us. CC said it all so wonderfully. {{{Hugs}}} Love you, girl.

    • Thanks so much Debra! You are such a great friend.
      Thanks for letting me lean on you when I was still completely overwhelmed by it. The cloud has lifted and I am finding all kinds of things to laugh about. Boobs are funny!
      CC comes from the other side of this and yet she still has more surgery. I am praying for her too!

  89. Susie, you are amazing. My mother went through something similar. They actually caught by accident when checking her heart! She’s 80-years-old now and I’m sure you’ll beat her record.

  90. Well, DAMN, Susie. I hate it that this beast is stalking the ta-tas of my pals! You certainly will be kicking cancer ass, and rocking the medical center while you do so. I’ve got prayers with your name on it, and I’m just happy to hear that it’s Stage 1. In a few months you shall be at Stage NOTHING.

    • I will be partying down soon with brand new cancer-free tatas! In the meantime, I can’t wait until it is out of my body..
      I have been having fun with the nurses. The doctors just stare at me while I crack jokes. They must think I am nearing a mental break, but I discovered humor and fear can’t reside in the same space!
      Thanks so much Jenny!

  91. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Susie. I know you are going to drop kick cancer on it’s a$$ and I’ll be cheering for you while you do it.

  92. Oh Honey… I read your post and had a little cry for you. But that picture of you is awesome and I know how strong you are. I’ll be here, cheering you on. Stage One is good news, especially as you are so healthy and fit. A gigantic hug to you, my friend.

    • Thanks so much!
      I am really over most of the shock of this now. All the sadness has been replaced by ridiculous jokes. As soon as I get on the phone with a friend, I start letting them rip! They know I am not losing my mind. It’s just the way I am. My doctors are not so sure!
      Thank you so much. I really think I will be fine. It will just be a tough road for a while…

  93. Greatest respect for you, Susie. You know where to find me. *big hug*

    • I sure do know where to find you! Thanks so much for your encouragement and for helping me through the abyss when I was still in shock!! It was a blast seeing you and Kristen the other night. What an upper!!!

  94. Susie, your exceptional strength and couragewill beat this!
    Cheering you and sending good thoughts your way. If you need anything at all, count on us. It’s a wild ride, indeed. {Hugs}

    • Thanks Fabio!
      I am sure you can see a lot of familiar faces in these comments. The WANA group is so supportive of one another and I really appreciate that and you!
      Thanks for joining the cheering section!!!

  95. Kathleen

    Wishing you all the best. Even people you’ve never met care.

  96. GO SUSIE! Ride on o’ wild one.

  97. Susie, I know you can’t possibly respond to all of these comments, but I hope you get a chance to read them. There’s lots of love and support here. I was kinda tempted to not leave a reply because I don’t have much to offer you, except my steadfast admiration, and the conviction that you will pull through this and be just fine when you come out the other side.

    God Bless,
    Kathy :D

    • I am so glad you did comment Kathy! It is always good to “see” you!
      Thanks so much for your kind words. It is with all of this amazing support that I will beat this thing sooner, than later!

  98. Susie the flowers are gorgeous and they suit you. I look forward to charting this journey with you – with smiles, hugs, laughs and triumph. I’m holding that belief firm and strong and can’t wait until you win.

    • Thanks so much Louise! I wonder what the neighbors thought….
      Thanks for coming along with me. I appreciate the support! I think you are right. I will WIN!

  99. Susie, the only way I can see you “down and out” is if someone ties you down and carries you out screaming all the way. Isn’t that the normal way “wild riders” handle this stuff? Soffy to hear about the news but know you will come through victorious. Stay strong. Will keep you in thoughts and prayers.
    Paul

  100. Oh. My. God. Susie, what can I say that hasn’t already been said. Although, if anyone knows what you’re going through, Christine MacKenzie and H certainly does. She’s been through the trenches and lived to tell about it. And she still needs more surgery.

    Susie, I have to say those flowers become you! You wear them well my dear friend. Although you have to know that you are one Gorgeous woman! Look at you! Hubby must drool everyday over you. And there is no doubt he will forever be by your side.You have an amazing, supportive husband, family and friends. There is no doubt in my mind that you’ll get through it. But this really sucks in just so many ways. And there you are, beautiful as ever, to bare your soul to us all. I salute your bravery and attitude girl!

    Reading your story sends chills up my spine. I have Multiple Chemical Sensitivity disorder. So I understand all the special compensation you went through to live in a clean environment. The wool carpet, no VOC’s, organic foods, etc. I live the same stringent life. Hell, I can’t be around perfumes, room fresheners, car and airplane fumes. I can’t even shop without gettng sick. It was one of the reasons why I could not meet you when you were in L.A.

    Just know that we are all here for you. You are so dearly loved Susie and you will be in our thoughts and prayers.

    Sending lots of Love and Hugs your way!
    Karen

    • Thanks so much Karen!
      You are so sweet! It took a long time to get that shot. I thought the cops would come for sure!
      I had no idea you were going through that. My sensitivity isn’t that bad. Pesticides will give me a sore throat and bronchitis for a week.
      Christine is an amazing woman. She is so strong and will make it through these final stages and soon it will be behind her.

  101. Susie, I cannot in good conscience give this, your wildest ride yet, a like, but your attitude is so winning, if anyone can will their way to defeating this scourge, she’s you. When I reflect on how you’ve led such a pure and almost chemically free life and how mine has been the complete opposite, you should easily make it to 105 and I should have dropped dead ten years ago. I hope your bravery in the face of adversity will lead to a clean bill of health and many more decades ahead. Meanwhile, you’re in my thoughts. I’ll be sending you positive vibes from NYC throughout this wild ride, pal.

    • Hey thanks “buddy!” :) I am in a really good place. It gets easier to accept every day. Every time I start down the proverbial hole, I yell at myself, “Snap out of it! So you won’t have your boobs. They weren’t all that great to begin with. At least you didn’t get blown up in Boston!. Now suck it up!” Yep. That does is every time….
      Thanks so much for the “hand holding” when I was still in shock!

      • Hey, wild rides are not all smooth. I know that yours seemed a lot smoother before this diagnosis. Hopefully, early detection is key to you regaining your health and riding on roads with fewer hairpin turns in the decades ahead. I do think that maintaining a great attitude is another key component in battling this beast. If you ever need me, you can dial my hotline anytime: 1-800-LUNATIC.

  102. Susie, I am so sorry to hear that you are having to go through this but your attitude will bring you through. Many, many beat this, and I am praying that God helps you to recover quickly if not heal you miraculously. In the meantime it is OK to get mad at what life has dealt you. It sure seems unfair to me. You are so full of life and don’t we all love your wild ride and this is just another one–albeit a slippery slope. Hang on tight, white knuckles and all!

    Deborah >

    • White knuckles! I LOVE it!
      Yep. I will make it through. I have early detection and great health on my side.
      Thanks for following me on my crazy Wild Ride and for the prayers Deborah!

  103. My first reaction was a very loud NO! It’s always a shock when cancer strikes people who have done ‘everything right’. It’s happened in our family too. One of our daughters will celebrate her 5th year cancer free after Stage 3 Breast Cancer and a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Early detection is key, Susie, as is yours and with your attitude and all of your loving friends cheering you on, this too shall pass. The big C is not going to know what hit it … ya don’t mess with the Wild Rider. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

    • Thanks so much Patricia! I am so glad to hear your daughter is cancer free! That must have been terrifying for you to go through.
      I will be fine and can take the bumps and bruises. At the end of this particular journey, I hope I will have made people smile more than a few times about my boobs. Already there have been so many times when I laughed so hard. Thank God Danny has the same goofy sense of humor. My doctors, not so much, but they are getting used to me!
      ((((hugs back!))))

  104. Susie, you totally rock. That picture is a riot! I love it, but mostly I love YOU. Thank you for your bravery and spunk. Your honesty and your fabulous sense of humor. Cancer sucks. I hate that you have it and that you are going through this, but I’m here for you ~ any time. Call, email, text, tweet, chat, cry, laugh, or skype while skydiving naked. I’m your gal. You’re totally going to kick cancer’s mottled ass and when you do, we’ll all be here cheering you like the rock star you are! We’ll put the champagne on ice now so it’s nice an chilled for the party.

    Love, love, love you my darling friend. I might have to print out that picture for those days when I’m feeling sorry for myself. One look at those, um, plants and I won’t remember what was making my grumpy!

    • Hahaha! Tameri you are my kindred spirit soul sister! The champagne is on ice. Once this is over we will pop the cork!
      Sky diving naked. sounds refreshing right now. Hahaha!
      Thanks so much for the encouragement and for always being there for me. I will always be there for you!

  105. You will get through this! I had a lumpectomy at 26 (10 years ago). They thought for sure it was cancer, even during surgery – luckily it was not. My doctor at the time (I lived in a different state then) said to me in his accent “you have 5 diseases in your breasteses that could be come cancer”. Ironically, as I read your post, I just found a new lump yesterday I will need to watch. Many have recently criticized Angelina Jolie for her double mastectomy, I praise her. If this current lump turns into something, I will be requesting one as well. The constant, checking, worrying… I’d rather they be gone. I wish you strength and will pray for an easy surgery and recovery for you. You are right to laugh at it. There is nothing else you can do to fix it but find lightness in it. XX

    • Wow! Prayers to you too! It is scary. So many lumps turn out to be cysts, but I would have it checked so you don’t waste your time worrying. That was some accent!
      I met a woman who ragged about Angelina too, but honestly, she couldn’t have come out with her news at a better time. I was considering whether to do one or both and was at about 60% for both. The day she went public, I was at 95%. The last 5% came when I found out that I would have less than a 1% chance of recurrence if I got a double.

      I would keep them if I was in your position. You haven’t got any history of cancer and you many never have it. I have always believed the less times you get cut into the better. Good luck to you and keep me posted!
      Thank you so much!

  106. Cancer had no idea what it was getting itself into by messing with you! Kick it out of your boob so hard it won’t dare to ever mess with you again, and then continue your wild ride for several more decades.

  107. Dear friend – I add my voice to your cheering section and send healing vibes your way.

    • Thanks so much K8edid! I so appreciate that and can hear it loud and clear!! All of this news and the biopsies have been exhausting, but after blogging this, I feel my energy coming back! Thanks for the healing vibes!

  108. Hi, Susie. We don’t really know each other very well. HOWEVER, the little I do know about you tells me that you’ve got everything you need to leap this hurdle. I adore your toughness, humor and the fact that you clearly march to the beat of your own drummer. You’re going to be fine. In the meantime, I will join the chorus of well-wishers and pray-ers out here in the world-wide-web who’ve got your back…just in case you need us.

    -Jimmy

    • Thanks so much Jimmy! Different drummer is right. I had no idea how different until a few of the comments I got from my doctors. I think one of them thought I was losing it, but after speaking with him several times, he is getting used to my sense of humor. I think most women are terrified during these appointments. When I am laughing, fear fades away!
      Thanks for joining the chorus! I will need all of you!

  109. I wish you all the best. Stay strong.

  110. filbio

    So sorry to hear this news. I am saying a prayer for you. Be strong, stay positive, and kick cancer’s ass. It does take plenty of courage to bare all in a post like this. It won’t be easy but you will come out on top.

    • Love the bare all pun!! Thought you could slip it by me did ya Phil??? :)
      I really had to think about how to handle this. I didn’t want to tell anyone and didn’t until this weekend. I came up with the idea of the Boob Report on the 16th, way before I knew it was cancerous.
      I am hoping to motor through this with my sense of humor and maybe change the way people think about this disease. Boobs are pretty funny. Right?
      Thanks so much for the prayers Phil. I really appreciate them!

      • filbio

        My dad went through lung cancer a few years back. He quit smoking and did all the chemo and doctors visits and pills and worked out to get in shape, etc. Now he is totally cancer free. I know it’s not the same but another example that cancer can be beat!

  111. I barely know you and this post knocked me over. I am sorry to hear this but you are a strong person who WILL KICK THIS IN THE ASS! My cousin in her 30’s recently went through this and within the last six months was declared cancer free. As many have said the success rate is very good these days. With that in mind I’m looking forward to reading a post from you on your 105th birthday!!

    • 6 MONTHS!!!! That is the best news ever! That is what I am hoping for.
      I have to say that opening up and going public about it was the hardest part. Only a few family members knew. I hadn’t slept well all week. After I blogged this and sent out an email to to few friends, I felt a huge relief and slept like a baby.
      I never want to be a downer and hate that cancer is going to be associated with my name. Since I can’t change the association, I plan to change the way people think about breast cancer.
      There will be more Boob Reports to come and they will always include my goofy humor!
      Yep! 105 is the magic number!
      Thanks so much!

  112. So sorry to hear your news. But I figure with such a positive attitude you’ll storm through! All the best!

    • Thank you Matthew! I am already motoring! I am anxious to have the surgery and find out how I will be spending the months ahead. We still have a lot of plans and my doctor is trying to work around them!!

  113. After the week I’ve just had, I was half waiting for the punchline after starting to read this… *tears up*

    Oh, Susie… I am so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you always…and your family. I am heartened by your attitude… would expect no less from you… you are a winner… a survivor… a thriver (is that a word?)…. an AMAZING woman! I know that you are going to kick that “c” bitch to the curb!!

    There are a handful… a small handful… of women who have inspired me… who continue to inspire me daily with their strength and courage. You are one of those women, Susie. I really do need to make it out to Boulder one day to finally meet you.

    Every year since Mama’s passing, I have run in charities for breast cancer awareness and support… I run for Mama. This year, sadly, I am running for two more women. You are in my heart and in my prayers.

    Now… go kick that bitch’s ass!

    HUGS!!! <3

    • Awww! Thanks so much! Your words gave me shivers. I hope I can continue to be inspiring. I just didn’t think it would include breast cancer!
      Humor is everything in healing and vaporizing fear. They can’t survive in the same air space. (I never thought about it that way before). Hmmmmm…
      I want to put it out there so we can talk about it. I mean, come on. These are boobs we are talking about. I already have a ton of new comic material. They are funny parts of the anatomy. Well, at least my anatomy!
      I am sorry to hear about your mom. That is wonderful that you honor her memory by running.
      Let me know if you are ever in the Boulder/Denver area! I would love to meet up!

      • Definitely let me know if you come to Colorado!
        Humor has helped me through the dark days. Only sunshine ahead!
        My sister and I used to say the word “bosoms” and would laugh and laugh! I guess I am still laughing! :)

  114. Susie, I can only imagine your rage when you’ve done so much to prevent this scenario. If it’s any consolation, I wonder if your preventive measures kept you from getting cancer many years ago.

    You’re an inspiration to us all, and like many others, I look forward to your boob reports telling us how you slayed the cancer dragon.

    A real trail blazer you are…I love your humor-laced attitude. You rock!!!

    • Thanks Denise! I love that idea that it may have put it off a while…
      I just told a friend I think this happened to me for a reason. I am super healthy!
      I want to change the way people think about breast cancer! We should be able to laugh about it since it kills so few. 1 in 31 ! (I moved the exclamation point over so it didn’t look like 311…)
      At the same time, every woman should get a mammogram yearly along with a cholesterol and bp check!
      Thanks so much! I have to go slay the dragon…

  115. Oh Susie, clearly the big “C” made a huge mistake taking up residence in your right breast. It obviously did not get the memo about you being a BadAss spontaneous dancing artist who takes on freaking mountains like they’re mole hills for god sakes!
    I will hold you in a positive light for healing, strength and peace. I look forward to hearing your take on kicking C’s ass!

    • Thanks so much Lisa! You are absolutely right. It doesn’t know who it is tangling with! I am a Wild Rider after all…
      I have been imagining what kind of dance I will come with after this is over. It will definitely be a happy one!

  116. You have the right attitude and early discovery in early stage = very high success rate these days.

    • Only 1 in 31 die of breast cancer and I ain’t going to be one of them!! I think attitude is everything. I plan to go headlong into this next adventure armed with my unfailing sense of humor.
      Thanks so much Carl!

  117. Your attitude is inspirational. Looks like they saw it nice and early so everything looks pretty positive in the circumstances

    • Thank you!
      Yes. That will be my new message. Women should get regular heart check ups and know their cholesterol and blood pressure. Most women don’t die of breast cancer anymore, but they should have mammograms every stinkin’ year, even if it does hurt and squish our boobies flat!

  118. I don’t care for.proof positive when life throws us a curveball but know you’ll come out a winner.

    • I sure will Sheri!!! Everyone goes through challenges in their life. I have a wonderful family and great friends, so this is mine. I am totally ready to take it on and beat it!
      Thank you so much!

  119. Sheila Luecht

    I was thinking about my own mortality just the other day and measuring it against what I know about health issues in my family. Every day is a challenge and a choice. You get to decide how to do this, how to feel about it and I support all your decisions. You have a gift, a talent and you are a writer that sends us on journeys, this one will be one we can share together, I send you love and light. Best to you.

    • Ohhh! Thanks so much Sheila!
      That is the funny thing. I have always appreciated every single day of my life and have always realized how fragile it is. It is weird to be in this position after all the care and precautions I have taken, but I have got to believe it is through my next adventure that others may benefit. Why else would God have given me such a goofy sense of humor????

  120. Annagiulia

    i thing you are amazing and a winner! and sorry this is not a wild thought just the true, xoxo…. there is a plus, i love the picture with the pots, i kenw you like flowers…..
    love and God Bless
    Annagiulia

    • Thanks Annagiulia!! I really appreciate our friendship. Thanks for talking me through this. It will be a bump in the road and it will leave a mark, but I will be even more “massive” afterward!!

  121. Oh Susie,
    You know my aversion to doctors and medicine and I just do not go. It’s things like this– that I have seen 6 times now and am you know what I am going through with my ex and his stage 4 cancer. So this news hit me like a rock and it just shouldn’t be be. BUT because you are not me– you will knock this out of the park– a friggin home run– I have no doubt. So sending hugs, and prayers through my tears,

    Love you

    • Thanks so much Linda! I will hit a home run!! I caught it really early so my prognosis is great. I am anxious to get it out of me so I know what my treatment will be. I am strong and won’t be kept down for long!!!

  122. Oh my gosh, Susie. I’m speechless. I’m so sorry to hear this news. How courageous of you to share your story with everyone. You are such a strong, positive, and upbeat person. I have no doubt that you will kick cancer’s ass. Thinking of you…

    • Yep! I will kick some ass and then I will really be able to Ride!
      It does make me think that I will have a lot more energy. More energy??? Whoa!! That could really be wild…
      It was shocking since I have taken the best of care of my body, so I gotta believe I am supposed to use my voice while I go through this next “adventure.”
      Thanks so much Sophie!

  123. Dang it Susie…. watcha doing on my Wild Ride? Take a deep breath, put your hands in the air, scream during the scary parts and keep laughing…

    • That’s what I have been doing and laughter is winning…. :)
      Now I have calmed myself and only go down the pity hole about once a day. I’ll get used to the new normal. It just takes a little time. Laughter has come easily and naturally. It is another adventure! I will get through it with all of this amazing support!
      Thanks so much Mae!

  124. I am sorry about your news. They say we only are challenged with what we are capable of handling. You are so very strong and will beat it soundly.

  125. *a touch of Brit-type understatement* One could imagine news of the sort could be a touch disturbing, what. Most annoying, in fact. Seems to be a bad design fault in many female headlamps these days. Still, as long as one gets the autoelectrician in before they start affecting other circuits … :)

    On a positive note, we had supper the other night with a friend who has just been through treatments for Stage 4. Latest tests are clean.

  126. I am speechless but yet also sure you’re going to kick that bitch’s ass! As a translator who’s been doing medical translation for over 30 years, I always need to do a lot of research and read loads of medical articles and visit several dozen medical websites every day. I bumped into Dr. Jane Plant’s website once and would like to share a couple of links with you. I’ve shared them with many women over the past two years and many have thanked me. I hope you find them useful too. http://www.cancersupportinternational.com/jane.asp

    • It’s funny. I don’t eat too many dairy products since I am lactose intolerant. It is an interesting idea. It wouldn’t hurt to try it for the next week or two before my surgery.
      The Chinese have not only started being exposed to dairy, but other western foods. She was on chemo when she gave up dairy. You never know… Everyone has a unique cancer situation and body. I am glad that it worked for her!
      Thanks for passing this along!!

  127. I love your attitude Susie, I really do, and I think you will kick the evil *word that must not be named* thing in it’s arse because you are a rockstar!

    • In the beginning, I felt like saying the word “cancer” out loud was like mentioning Voldemort!!! I still do!
      I plan to drop kick it into the stratosphere! I will find out today when the surgery will take place.
      Thanks so much Emily!

  128. Well … Fuck Me! I’m sorry about this. :(( Thanks to our super-sensitive testing we/doctors get to see stuff so much earlier, that’s bad news and good news. It just is. I can just imagine your perky attitude taking on a whole new high, full of expletives and raves. Do that, then follow your heart. In the end talk to many peope, one on one on the phone and get their opinions, put it all together and viola, you’ll have a plan. You can include me there, as I have been through it in 2010. Publicly, I don’t really talk about it as I’d like to wait five years, something about 5 is what I’ve learned. Any who, my aunt has an implant and it’s lasted twenty-five years, not bad, eh?! My email is simplykim@bellsouth.net, please give me a holler. I’m a nurse , a patient and work in breast cancer reconstruction at the moment!

    • First of all, Danny and I cracked up at your first sentence! :)
      It is a shock, but humor has kept me up and positive that this will soon be behind me.
      That is so cool that you are a cancer survivor and you are in the business! I am going to a reconstructive consult today. It will be interesting to see what my options are.
      I am glad to hear your aunt is cancer free after her implants. My doc says it is completely different than an augmentation since there is no breast tissue left to become cancerous.
      It has been a roller coaster ride, but at this point I can’t wait to get rid of my boobs!
      Thanks Kim! I will email you!

  129. Oh my goodness, Susie. I have to tell you, I feared something was wrong and I contemplated contacting you by email when you did not show your lovely face for a while. I know we don’t know each other, but I feel like we do and this blogging world is more like a family. I am so sorry that my fears were true that something was up. You are an amazing person who is loved by so many. Please stay strong (your positivity is contagious) and know that I/we are here for you and will listen/read all the boob tales you want to tell us and more. Thoughts and prayers are with you as you fight this thing!! xoxo

    • Wow! Thanks so much for noticing! I have so many appointments now, that it is hard to find time on the computer. Plus I want to get out and enjoy the sunshine while I can.

      I do believe you get to know people better through blogging than in real life since share so much more of ourselves. There is something about our word choice that is so revealing. Every time I meet a blogger in real life, I feel like I already know them. That is a pretty cool thing!
      I am so glad we met here! Thanks so much for the thoughts and prayers.

      • You are even more deserving of that Brick House Award. :) Stay strong, resilient, steady and tough. But also allow yourself to cry and complain all you want – because that will be part of your healing.

        • I cried a lot that first weekend and the last two days, I haven’t cried at all about this stupid disease.
          I will do anything not to go down “the hole” since it is so counterproductive to feel sorry for myself. The hardest thing was waking up and remembering. I am getting used to this new reality and I have early stage in my favor. I am very thankful they caught it! I found out it is a rare cancer and invasive, so WHEW!!!
          Thanks so much for your fabulous support! xxoo

  130. I’ll be rooting for you! My mom had a double mastectomy in 1952 and lived cancer free for another 46 years. Based on what I’ve read about you on your site, I have no doubt you will annihilate the nasty bastard not just defeat it!

    • Annihilation is the plan!!!
      I am so glad to hear about your mom! I think that is the way to go. Just get rid of the boobs. No breast tissue, no breast cancer. Thanks so much for sharing your mom’s story Old Sage!
      Thanks so much!

  131. That’s icky, awful news, but your attitude rocks. I’m sending lots of positive energy and thoughts your way. My mom has had a couple of different cancers and because of the advances in medicine has overcome them all. You can do it!

    • Wow! That is so great!
      Cancer isn’t the killer it used to be although most associate it with the Grim Reaper. It is still heart disease that takes most of us.
      I have been so encouraged by readers like you. Thank you so much!

  132. I am so sorry to hear your news. I have a close relative who is still receiving treatment for breast cancer (it’s been about a year). I’m running for a cancer charity with her in mind, in October. Now I will be running for you too.

    Good luck Susie.

  133. Feels so awkward to push the like button! It means I see your post, I care, I will pray for you…

    • Liking my post is a good thing! I know what you mean though. God gave me a sense of humor to get through this with dignity and maybe to help a few others along the way!
      Thank you so much!

  134. You’ll make it. What are we wild riders going to do without you? You’re stronger than any BS cancer. Anyway, you’re our Angelina.

    • Hey thanks Tom! I know I will make it through. The doctors think I have a really early stage. After the surgery I will know exactly where I stand. I am hoping to get this crappin’ stuff out of me by the end of this week or early next week.
      Angelina’s announcement affected me deeply. The timing of it couldn’t have been better. I will probably write about it. I was so upset about the reconstructive part of the surgery and was thinking about how few celebrities had been open about it. There weren’t many role models and then bam. There she was!!!

  135. Just had a dear friend go through a bilateral mastectomy. She’s a little dynamo and we shared quite a few patients in homecare over the years. She’s worked with thousands of patients as a therapist, but had scant experience on the other side of the equation. She ended writing a sort of blog on a site called “carepages” where she kept her friends updated on all the things she’s going through. I met her for a drink a few weeks ago, and she’s no less effervescent than before, though she’s still on the road to whatever’s next.

    However this works out for you, we readers know you’ll kick ass. If you’re moved to write, we’ll read..If you’d rather read, we’ll write. If you don’t feel like doing either, we’ll wait.

    Go get ‘em Suze!

    • Thanks so much for stopping by 1Point!! I appreciate your words and am glad your friend is fighting this too. I have had friends on Carepages. It is great that I have this place to update everyone.
      Humor is one of the best defenses I have. At first the stress was overwhelming. After knowing about my condition for two and a half weeks, I am able to push it out of my mind. I only lose it about once a day. Then I think about the people maimed in the Boston Marathon Bombing and I tell myself, “Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Suck it up!” Then I take a deep breath and say a prayer for them.

  136. Look at that photo of you! So much strength packed into one small woman. What a champion. Even your words pack a punch. You’re a hero and you will touch many as they follow your journey and find strength and hope to continue on in their own battles.

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, Susie. I have no doubt you’ll live well past 105. We’ll all be here to cheer you on and celebrate your conquests on this surreal leg of your wild ride. Know that not a day will go by without me thinking of you and sending you prayers and hugs.

    • You have been such a great support through this Lynn! I really appreciate your kind words, encouragement and prayers.I will get through this. Who knew it would be such a Wild Ride???
      Thank you so much!!

  137. Your attitude is inspiring. Please stay positive. You will be in my prayers, and I look forward to reading positive updates full of great news! :)

  138. sherilyn schreier

    Oh, Susie! What can I say? We have been so worried not knowing what was wrong. Yet, we wanted to respect your privacy. Your very positive attitude will pull you through. We, of course, will keep you in our prayers to the great Healer. We will be reading your blog! I know you will call me if I can help. I want to be there for you.

    • Hey Sherilyn! I didn’t want to tell anyone bits and pieces, until I knew what was going on.
      Blasting it out there at one time made me really nervous, but thank God for my blog, social media, and email. Everyone can find out about it from the source instead of the old telephone tag.

      At one point, I was considering a lumpectomy which would have been nothing but an out-patient 1 hour surgery that would have gotten me back on the courts in a few weeks. A second biopsy last week found more cancer in that same breast which left me with no other choice, but mastectomy. I chose double since my chance of recurrence go from high risk to less than 1% and who wants to be “half mast???” :)
      Thanks so much for the support and prayers! Maybe I’ll see you at the match tomorrow night!
      (((hugs)))

  139. Well, this sucks, but I know you’ll get through it. And you know what else? I don’t usually watch the Today Show, but I’ll tune in on your birthday for those six years in a row. Just send me a reminder, okay?

    • Hahaha! I will send a reminder!
      It does suck big time, but I will get through it. I have a great support system and the ability to laugh about it. That my friend is a huge advantage… :)
      Thanks so much Laura!

  140. What a shocker. Wild ride indeed. Hang in there Susie! For what it’s worth – two friends of mine have gone through this, and they’re doing great. (Their hair even grew back, both of them.) You’re basically healthy and they caught it early – so you have both of those things going for you.

    But it still sucks. Good thoughts and lotsa hugs, {{{{{Susie}}}}} !

    • Thank you so much for that! Breast cancer is not the killer it used to be. I won’t die from this. I think I got it to show others that it can happen to any woman, but it is important to catch it early. Anyone who was alive before 1972 was exposed to DDT.

      We all have to take care to go to those pesky mammogram appointments every year to have our boobs flattened and we should check our cholesterol and blood pressure.
      Thanks so much!! ((((hugs right back!))))

  141. Julie Catherine

    Susie, I am so in your cheering section! OMG, this just floored me and it made me cry – but now that I’ve done that, I just want to stand up and cheer you on; and tell you that you’re more than capable of kicking cancer’s ass straight out of the universe! My admiration for you has just increased tenfold, my friend. This may be a wild ride indeed, but you have a huge support system and are much loved. Yes, you definitely rock! Love and gentle hugs, Julie xoxox

    • Awww! Thanks so much Julie!
      Telling people was the hardest part for me so far. Now I realize it is why I had trouble sleeping for the last week. Talk about running on empty! Last night, I slept like a baby!
      I am not a complainer or a Debbie downer and have worked hard on my “brand” of positivity.

      I don’t want people to associate sadness with my name.

      I have been facing all of this with humor and to be honest, it comes very naturally. I have to bite my tongue sometimes. So many jokes come to mind during these appointments. I still have all of them laughing when I leave.

      Thank you so much for “being there” for me! Love you too!
      Susie

  142. You are so totally going to Kick cancer’s ASS. Sending lots of love and hugs to you, Susie!

  143. Well I guess this next little bit is going to suck, huh? I don’t know what to say, and I’m trying to imagine what I’d want said to me. Nothing, I think. Or maybe, “Can I buy you a drink?” A humongous glass of wine, perhaps? But you know what? You will be fine. You’ll be a bit different, but alive and maybe even more so than before. I wish you didn’t have to go through all of this, but I know you’re strong enough to handle it. And in the end, when you look back, it’ll seem like just a blip in the 105 years of memories you’ve accumulated in this wild ride. Hell, make it 110.

    • I love it Michelle! You said all the right things and managed to give me shivers. 110? Why not????

      Laughter has really helped and every day, life has presented something with this beast of breast cancer to laugh about. I don’t think many could find humor in the face of something so serious, but my boobs have always been pretty funny.

      Thanks for much for the kinds words and for continuing to Ride with me! Thanks Michelle! YeeeeeHaaaaaaa!!!

      • Man, I was just thinking…if I could have a boob do-over like this, I would get them to point my new boobs away from the ground.

        • I had some writer friends cracking up over my impression of Wanda Sykes, a comedian who had me in hysterics when she appeared on Leno. She said her old boobs before cancer were like the theme to Law and Order. Boom Boom, all sleepy and bored when she took off her bra. After her surgery, her new boobs were like “Hi! Lets go someplace!” She looked around with big eyes. Hilarious!

  144. I will pray for you in the days and weeks to come. Be well. :)

    • Thanks so much! I really appreciate that! You’ll see that I am very lucky that they caught it early. I will still be able to get out there and experience the wildness of life when I am feeling well. :)

  145. And there you did it. And with your characteristic humor and strength. I love the potted plants in front of your boobies. Boobies of no boobies, you are beautiful. So, get ready to kick cancer in the balls, darlin’. You know I’m here for you, yes? (I can’t believe you had twin Evelyns. What are the odds of that?) Thank goodness for early detection!

    • See? The Evelyns arrived in the first moments and the universe told me to laugh and I did. Through tears. The tears are lessening and I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore. A lot worse things could happen. I have a lot to be grateful for. And I have been able to keep on laughing. Boobs are pretty funny.

      Danny could not get a good shot and had to keep taking pictures while I kept expecting sirens! I was so panicked…I thought for sure one of the neighbors would call 911. That really would have made some great blog fodder, but I was thankful not to have to deal with that stress!

      Thanks for the support, the love and prayers Renee! I really appreciated your advice which picked me back up off the floor when I was still in shock from all of this.

  146. You, m’dear, are nobody’s tragic mistress. I’m taken aback, but I know enough about you to know what’s going to happen next. You’re going to put the Nancy Sinatras on and you’re gonna start kicking, hard.
    I like “Boob Report”, it’s a very effective middle finger on the C word. As for that picture? Umm, do your neighbors have a blog by any chance?…..Just….curious….
    Seriously, Colorado….lots of love and good wishes are being sent your way. Peace.

    • Hey Cayman! Thanks for being one of my rocks as this cruel bitch tries to sweep me downstream.
      Luckily, my neighbors don’t blog. I haven’t checked YouTube! Hahaha!

  147. Aww, my darling, darling girl.

    Bastard. Shit. Fuck.

    It’s the beginning of a huge journey, but you know what? You’ll get through this because you’ll be informed. You have a huge support network of family, medics, women like ME and all your followers in WANA and on this blog. And a support network is really key. Especially in the wee small hours when the imagination can be merciless as it is relentless. When that happens, remember the bastard will soon be gone, gone, gone. And send out a message, someone will hear and be ready to talk.

    You know I’ve been there? And two years down the line after a mastectomy and reconstruction I’m kicking the bastard’s ass?? Even so, I CANNOT believe this. YOU of all people? But then, as my surgeon said to me, ‘Why not you?’ I’m slim. Never did drugs. Never was promiscuous. Eat healthy unprocessed food. Super-fit. Don’t drink much alcohol. Never smoked. I tell ya life knows when to throw us a curve.

    On the plus side – yes – there is a big plus side. You took responsibility for your body. You had a mammogram – do you know how many women do not turn up for their appointments? 48% in the UK. Are they CRAZY? So the bastard has been caught. You’re following advice and doing the right thing for you and for your children – and Danny. I’m sending Danny a big, big smoochie and hug. H will be happy to talk to him, Susie. Anytime.

    Plus you are bright and intelligent enough to know that breasts do not define us as a woman. Plus if you have expanders you’ll never need to wear a bra again. When people ask me if, ‘It hurts’, talking about the implants I say, ‘Nope. Have a feel.’ And they do. Although I have to say my hairdresser, Pete, got funny looks when he did it in the salon. Laughter gets us through everything. It’s certainly my coping mechanism. And you’re another who will use humour to get you through this too.

    But do you know the wondrous thing that happened to me? I lost the fear of failure with my writing. Having cancer made me realise that life was too damn short to worry if the work wasn’t good enough. I worked even harder and got it out there. And Christ, Jesus, look at what’s happened? So grab life by the balls and squeeze it nice and hard and get going, babe.

    You can do it and I’ll see you in the best seller lists.

    I’m sending you a BIG HUG and a smoochie right on the mouth.

    CHRISTINE XXXX

    • Wonderful read here and I am with you. I agree wholeheartedly, it propels you forward like rocket fuel, as if Susie even needed that. Sorry, had to but in here. me

    • Christine … how can anyone say it better than this! We will all be lined up to give Susie a big smoochie right on the mouth! You both rock!

    • Christine, I never knew you went through this, hon. So, so glad you are kicking butt with your recovery! Also really glad that you can be there for our WANA gal Susie. It really does put everything in perspective, doesn’t it? What’s a little writing fear after this? That’s something for me to remember, as I’m not the most daring of gals. ;)

      • Girls, you rock! I cried when I first read the post. Life certainly has sent our best girl on a wild ride this time. Determination, a fighting spirit and Susie’s zest for life will see her through – as will her wicked sense of humour. God, those plant pots killed me. Nice flowers, btw. Big Smoochies to y’all. It’s the Texan in me. ;)

    • Wow! Thanks so much my great Scottish friend!!! I had no idea you had been through all of that and so recently! You know exactly what this will be like.
      You and I really are like soul sisters!! I will definitely be letting others cop feels after I get my new bionic breasts.
      I don’t think my life lesson from this is to appreciate how fragile life is and really make each day count. I have always lived like that. Since I just started writing 2 years ago, I have felt time licking at my heels and have be relentless until this bitch reared her head. I have had so many appointments and biopsies and all of it takes so much time, but I am almost on the other end. I can’t wait to get this shit out of my poor little boob.
      I really don’t have any fear that I will die from this. With support from amazing friends like you, I will sail through all of this.
      Thanks so much CC! Much Love and kisses!

      • The early morning shock thing will wear off, the horrible tickle in the belly, will wear off too. Anything you need I’m here day or night. What I will say is that you need to put YOU first for once. Ditch the guilt. As mothers, wives, daughters etc., we tend to be at the centre of the family universe. An emotional grenade has gone off in the middle of the family dynamic and it’s really, really important that you take the time to really heal and to look after you. I know Danny will make sure that happens, but you need to let go a little too. Not easy, but it’s key because now you’re going to start to realise that your dreams and hopes really matter. If you think about it this way, if you’re living and loving your life and finding joy in all you do then the family will actually be in a better place after all this.

        Probably sounding a bit philosophical but it’s true.

        A wild ride it certainly is.

        Boy, you’re gonna be kicking ass when it’s all done and dusted. :)

  148. As a 35 year lung cancer survivor, I can tell you that I strongly believe that a positive, “I can beat this” attitude, as you have, is as important as having the best possible medical team on your side. The doctors take care of the “mechanical” side of the equation, your strong will and spirit will take care of the emotional side. The very best to you. I will be here in your corner rooting for you.

    • Wow! That is such great news Barney! I am happy to hear that your beat it. I think breast cancer is easier to overcome since I don’t need my boobs. They will take every last bit of them out and give me new bionic ones!
      That’s the other weird thing though. I never wanted anything fake in my body, but my doctors say I will have less than a 1% chance of recurrence after all of this hell.
      SO BRING IT ON! I can’t wait to get it over with…
      Thanks for joining the Boob Report cheering section! I really appreciate and need your voice!

      • Love your comment about not telling anyone. I was single at the time, and never told a soul (Other than the company I worked for as to why I’d be out for a while, and to expect lots of bills!) until after the surgery and I had returned home. The last thing I wanted was a bunch of people drooling over me and being sad. I wasn’t, I didn’t need others to be.

        You have lots of people in your Boob Report cheering section. That already makes you lucky.

  149. (tears) I totally agree with brainsnorts – you rock Susie! I admire your strength. Kick ass and be well my friend.

    • Don’t cry! That is the worst part of this and why I didn’t tell ANY of my friends until yesterday. I am not a down person and don’t want my name associated with sadness. I will be fine! Yesterday, Danny and I went golfing with my daughter and her boyfriend and I putted. We drove to Niwot where they are shooting Dear Eleanor and watched Kevin Connolly and Jessica Alba!
      This whole thing is going to be waaaay up and waaaay down. The doctors are working around a trip we have planned, so there will be time for fun.
      I still wake up in shock. Every day. I asked Danny if he thinks I will get over that and he said, “Of course you will!”

      Thank you so much John and for being such a great friend!

  150. Very brave post. Give ‘em hell Susie.

  151. Mary Stanik

    So sorry to hear this news but your optimism is most encouraging. I do feel sure this cancer will end up fearing you within very short order.

    • Thanks Mary!
      I think it will be cowering in the corner! I am looking forward to getting it out of my body. They always say that laughter is the best medicine and I am chugging it by the gallon!

  152. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You’ve certainly got the right attitude, and you’ve got my admiration for that. I look forward to hearing of your triumphs.

    • Thanks so much Maggie! I really appreciate that.
      There will be lots of triumphs. What I didn’t realize is how much I would joke during these appointments. Boobs are a pretty funny topic and I after a month, I have a lot of material!

  153. Well doesn’t THAT suck the big one! I have little doubt that you will make that cancer your bitch in no time flat and I will be part of your huge cheering section. Big hugs!

    • Everyone is cracking me up with these comments.
      Making cancer my bitch is the plan! Thanks for joining in! I could use a big cheering section right now. (((Hugs right back)))

  154. So moved by your courage and attitude in this post. I mean when you face it that way, how can you NOT kick cancer’s sorry ass? Rock on.

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