The Boob Report – A Sticky Situation

I bet the photograph of me with the tubes coming out of my body is forever etched in your memory. Sorry about that. I had hoped to get the drains out on Friday, but I had to go into the doctor three more times before they were removed a full week later. It was hard for me to slow down. Imagine!

Talk about shivering before an appointment. I was so afraid yanking the tubes out would hurt like hell since they were so sensitive early in my recovery. They slipped right out and I didn’t feel a thing!

Looking forward to a shower took on a whole new meaning. With no belt, tubes or hand grenade containers to mess with, I was finally free and ready to jump in to really suds up. Then I realized another problem had arisen.

1942 Girl Scout First Aid Kit

Girl Scout First Aid Kit from 1942 – I don’t think Danny broke into this antique.

We had run out of bandages and my husband Danny had placed four old and deteriorating ones over my entry tube holes the night before. They left nasty glue everywhere. Gahhhhhh! I had looked forward to the relief of being drain-free, but now my arms stuck to my sides under my armpits. When I say stuck, I mean my skin stuck together like fly paper!

I took a shower, but nothing would remove the sticky glue.

ME: Oh my God! I can’t believe it! How am I going to get rid of this stupid glue? I waited all this time for some relief and now I have to deal with this shit!

DANNY: What about turpentine?

ME: Are you kidding me? The holes in my body from the tubes are right in the middle of the sticky mess. I can’t put turpentine on my wounds!

Tears welled up in my eyes. 

DANNY: What about fingernail polish remover?

ME: God Danny. Are you serious?

1942 Girl Scout First Aid Kit 2

Or did he???

It was quiet for a while as I moved my arm up and down and watched the skin stick together and then pull apart.

DANNY: What about a Stayfree Mini Pad?

ME: A Stayfree Mini Pad?

After I stopped laughing, I thought about it.

ME: I guess it’s worth a try.

I grabbed a pad from under the sink and folded it in half. Then I stuck it under my armpit.

DANNY: Well? Is it working?

I put my arm down at my side and lifted it up. The skin didn’t adhere!

ME: It worked! A Stayfree Mini Pad? How did you think of that brand?”

DANNY: Their advertising must be working.

Who knew I would be freed by a mini pad?


They’re nipple-less and bionic. I love them! I can throw on a tank top and run (Okay, so I can’t run yet), outside without a bra and I won’t nip out.

There have been four fills so far. I told my reconstructive doctor, “You should post a sign in the waiting room that says, We will pump you up!

I would name my new boobs, Hans and Franz, but come on, they’re girls.


The Fill = Youch!

First the nurse uses a magnet to find the half-dollar size fill area under the skin of my breast and pectoral muscles. I wonder if they will set off alarms while going through airport security… Then she inserts a needle and “pumps me up,” with saline. 50 cc’s hurts like hell, but no pain, no gain. My boobs are stretching out to their original size and my dinky right boob is no longer dinky!

They are not like the soft silicone implants which will replace the expanders in September. These freaks are like headlights, halogen high beams, or Barbie boobs. They stick straight out and are as hard as rock. I smacked one while pulling the clean clothes out of the washer today. Ho! It smarted!

“My new girls could take a bullet for me,” I said to my mom.

My poor mother has never gotten used to my crazy sense of humor.


I wondered if Danny could use my new boobs as a flotation device in the untimely event that our plane plunges into the Atlantic while traveling to Europe.

“I could save two people,” I told the nurse while she filled them up.

“They would be easy to grip,” Danny added.

“No. They are filled with saline so you won’t float,” said the straight-faced nurse.



If I am ever high on the general anesthetic and Oxycontin again, try to remember the drug will obliterate my filters for a whole month. I over-shared my boobectomy with the landscape guys who stopped by to give me an estimate. I told them since I no longer have nipples, I can run around bra-less. “How cool is that?” I asked.

Then I proceeded to tell them my WHOLE double mastectomy story, for FIFTEEN MINUTES.

Next time, pay attention to the color of people’s faces, if their jaws drop and if they start to back away towards their vehicle.

Hey! At least I didn’t flash them…

Can you think out of the box?

Other Boob Reports - 

The Boob Report I – Roadblocks and U-Turns

The Boob Report II – Laughter is the Best Medicine

The Boob Report III – Post-op

The Boob Report IV – Coming Out of the Haze

The Boob Report V – Bosom Boosting Buddies

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Filed under Boob Reports, Humor, Life

167 responses to “The Boob Report – A Sticky Situation

  1. Pingback: The Boob Report – Warning: Wild Rapids Ahead | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  2. Can’t imagine those bionic boobs. What’s like a walking fast/running?? Do the girls have to fully inflated…am just thinking 90% full might be more comfortable?

    Cheers, for a recovery (I see you’re on foreign travels which is great) and memorable time with family.

    • Hey Jean!
      I haven’t been running. They feel like I have plastic cups in my chest which is what they are! They are full of saline and have stretched with every fill so they are just as uncomfortable now as they would have been if I had stopped filling them a while ago.
      I will get the silicone implants on the 28th and this will all be over!
      Thanks so much! The trip was amazing and exactly what I needed. :)

  3. Sheila Luecht

    Glad you are doing well. It is important to keep being you, sounds like you are!

  4. So glad you’re doing well…and keeping your sense of humor, Susie. If you’re taking suggestions, I vote Lucy and Ethel. :)

  5. Very Cool Susie! Wild Boob Report volume funny! peace and blessings. Enjoy those Floaters!

  6. Tough, pumped up, and ready to conquer the world — if your new boobs were on the international tennis circuit they would totally be Venus and Serena Williams! Give those sweater puppies another couple of years and they might just bring you home a Wimbledon trophy.

  7. E.

    I’ve been away from the blogging world for a bit, and I so missed your amazing humor. You’re an inspiration! Keep healing, keep laughing.

  8. Your humor/wit are your greatest strengths, Susie.
    Don’t go changin’, all right?


  10. That’s it . . I’m keeping Stayfree in my storage closet from now on. And as for those bionic boobs? UFC baby! I’ll be your manager, Danny and me can make a run to Vegas to get you on the card.

  11. Julie Catherine

    Susie, I love seeing the Boob Report in my inbox! So glad you’re healing well, in spite of the recent sticky situation (and I do think you should have flashed them, that would have been priceless, lol). I totally think you’re the absolute best person to write a book about it – there are women all over the world who would be grateful to you; both for the inspiration and the information you share so wonderfully! Always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and sending gentle hugs and love to you! ~ Julie xoxox

    • Thanks so much Julie!
      I am keeping them covered even though without nipples they seem to be self-censored. :)
      I would love to write a book after my first year is over. I don’t think many approach any obstacle with humor, but I have learned it is the best way! (and pretty easy for me)

  12. What a sticky situation – and the suggested solutions (first ones) are shuddersome!
    Do the final versions come with … er … you know … the extra bits?

    • They could if you mean nipples, but at this point, I don’t think I want them for several reasons. I will blog a nipple post after my vacation sometime… ;)
      Thanks Col!

      • I did mean n… n… nun… ni…. what you said! :)
        Would have thought having permanently cheeky ones would be part of the compensation, but look forward to your clarification!

  13. I am just off to see if my own Doctor gets your sense of humour :-) Will let you know….
    The note to self had me rolling!

  14. There is nothing quite so fun as making other folk blush. I know I should probably not take so much joy out of it, but there it is…I’m a bit evil. ;-)

    Glad the Stayfree pad worked! You’re awesome. Thanks for always finding ways to make the rest of us laugh with you.

  15. You have the best sense of humor, Susie, and I can see Danny just goes with the float–I mean flow! Thank you for the giggles. Amazing that your new girls are growing so fast. I’m glad Danny came up with a solution for the sticky situation (who woulda thunk that would happen?) and sorry the procedure with the saline is painful. Nothing compared to the surgery and recovery, though, huh? Sounds like the worst is over. I hope so. Happy 4th to you and your lovely family!

    • I hope you had a great 4th too! I would imagine it was a Kelley fun fest!
      Ours was very fun too!
      The girls are done growing as of today. I got my last fill. I am medicating with a glass of well-deserved wine tonight!
      The worst IS over! Yeah!
      Thanks Lynn!

  16. Note to self: cancel the gardner and housekeeper for the entire month of August. Oh, Susie, you crack me up. It’s refreshing to know that my sense of humor, which is similar to yours, will help see me through. Thanks for being my trailblazer! xoxo

    • Have fun with it! Boobs are funny and everyone’s journey is just a little bit different. I just started cleaning again. I had to vacuum the table tops! Hahaha!
      Thanks for stopping by! Keep all of us in the loop!

  17. Deborah

    Welcome “FULLY” back. Sorry couldn’t resist the pun. I had missed that wonderful sense of humor of your.

  18. THAT’S OUR GIRL!! HILARIOUS! I wish I could have seen the landscapers faces ;) :):)

  19. Susie, you sense of humor will .. make your joureny so much easier … and it will also help your body and soul to heal. So happy that you’re doing so well as you do and you can look at your situation with a smile at most time – the best medicine there is. If it hadn’t been for my sense of humor I wouldn’t be doing so well as I do neither. We have to be able to joke about our situation. Susie, just carry on being you .. and you will be just fine and soon.

    • Thanks Viveka! I am sure that my take on this has shocked some people, but if I think of something funny I share it. You know better than anyone how important it is to keep on smiling!!!

      • I take the hat off for you …. we have to deal with things the way we are comfortable with – and if somebody don’t like that approach, not much we can do.
        Keep on to joke and laugh – best medicine ever.

  20. Still glad you are doing so well.

  21. Medicos don’t have proper senses of humour. All the best for a speedy recovery! It’s gonna happen fast because you can make jokes about it. The nurse can’t!

    • I sure can make jokes! It amazes me how they keep popping into my head…I get a kick out of the reactions I get. Sometimes I start explaining since they just stare at me! :)
      Thanks Matthew!

  22. Mini-pads! I never would have thought of that. I’m glad you’re having fun with your boobs.

  23. I cannot get over how amazing you are Susie!

  24. Turpentine? Finger nail polish remover? Really? Be afraid, be very afraid. Danny please. Yikes! Just a little FYI. In the future, if you ever need to get rid of any extra adhesive or sticky stuff, use rubbing alcohol. Yep, it’s an old remedy, but it works. In the meantime, I’ll have to remember mini pads. That was quite inventive, I’ll give you guys that. Holy cow Susie, thank God for your sense of humor girl. And keep up the great attitude. There is an end to all of this madness. Just know we love you! :)

    • Thanks Karen! I hope that it is the only sticky situation I face for a long while! The glue was so nasty, alcohol didn’t work.
      I bet there is a book in the making for uses of mini-pads!
      After coming out on the other side of it, I know it will only get better. There is nothing like family and friends like you to help me along! My sense of humor is a constant companion… :)

  25. Ya know WD-40 is supposed to be good for removing gooey stuff, Susie, and just think, with all that lubrication your arms would move so much easier. Good to hear you’re doing ok. Stay well!

  26. Hey, how you doin? We luv your spunk! I’m listening to American patriotic tunes, remembering your brave posts. I feel just like you, after all what have you to lose? Go read my very first novella, Kiss Ride, n I call somebody’s fake boobies … Trixie n Dixie! That just fits us from the South. Happy fourth and I wish you well. My neighbor on vaca had a lumpectomy and sister died two years ago from stage 4 … So there is so many stories, but happy is the only way to live. Live for love, too. ;)

  27. I say a prayer for you every night. Keep writing and staying positive!

  28. Really nice to see you well on the road to recovery. *hugs* and keep on keeping on, your grace and humour are wonderful.

    • Thanks Nelle! It has been pretty crazy, but I am motoring now. Well, kind of motoring. I want to ask the PT today about running a very little bit, like to dodge oncoming traffic…getting hit would be an irony I don’t want to experience! :)

  29. Oh yeah. Missing filters.

    After bowel surgery I told everybody all about my bowel movements. The strangest part? Everybody was interested!

    If it helps you tell your stories. Period. (I pooped three times today,if you must know.)

  30. I think we both know where the bandages came from now don’t we. Dan redeemed himself by first thinking of the stayfree pad, but more importantly suggesting it out loud.
    I laughed out loud just thinking of the landscapers face. I have know doubt you were the talk of the office, which is good…it’s called awareness.
    Glad to see you in my inbox today!

    • He used some bandages from the bottom of a bag from a vacation several years ago. It is weird how the adhesive went bad. Probably full of toxins too. ***shivers***
      I haven’t seen the landscapers since….no surprise there!
      Thanks Lisa!

  31. Your courage and sense of humour are phenomenal! So glad you’re liking your new nippleless boobs and all is progressing well. Mini pads saved the day… who knew? Think you should definitely write that book! It would be inspirational for other women in the same situation. Stay strong and keep laughing :)

    • I think I will write it once this is over and waaaaay behind me..Thank you!
      I know. Mini-pads. So weird how they worked. I thought they left a residue that covered the stickiness, but It seemed to get rid of it! Hilarious!

  32. Holy whack-a-doodle! They’re hard and they won’t float? What the hell? How long before those puppies soften up?

    I’m glad you’re taking this all in stride and with a good sense of humor. I’d be frustrated beyond crazy. And I wouldn’t have had any mini pads on hand because I don’t need that stuff any more. Goodness gracious. I guess I’d have resorted to Vaseline or something like that.

    I hope the recovery process gets better for you. At least you’re tubeless. You may be sticky, but you’re tubeless. One thing at a time.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • The mini pads did the trick! So funny.
      My boobs will be soft after the expanders are swapped out for the soft stuff in September. Until then, they are like tennis balls with no bounce. Hahaha!
      Thanks Patricia!

  33. I know what happens when the filters are shut off…be careful!!!

  34. Hahahahaha! I love this so much. I love the image of you with mini-pads under your arms. (The folks at Stayfree should have sponsored this post, seriously.) And, of course, I love hearing about your new bionic boobies. So glad that you are feeling good. *breathes a sigh of relief*

    • Thanks Renee. I am breathing a sigh every day and am so grateful.
      I should let StayFree know about how they saved my sanity. They would have a good laugh anyway! To be honest I don’t even know what brand I actually used since I had thrown out the box, but that’s the brand Danny suggested! So funny….
      Thanks so much Renee!

  35. filbio

    You are too funny! Your sense of humor still shines through during a trying time such as this. You are still making us all laugh. Now, where are the pics? We want to see pictures of these bionic boobs. Well, at least us guys do! Plus, you can get tattoos of nipples. Or eyes. Tattoo eyeballs where nipples would be. So many options!

    BTW – Danny sounds like a cool guy.

    • I know! I am temped to post a photo of my bionic boobs since they seem self-censoring being nipple-less and all. We’ll see. Eyes???? Hahaha!
      I do know about the tattoos, but I still love throwing on a white tank and going out the door. It is pretty liberating actually. I will have to burn my bras sometime!
      Thanks for all your support Phil!

  36. Susie, only you could make us smile and laugh through the pain of your post op trials. Your first line made me chuckle and I have to admit when I think of your boob report, it is the first image that comes to mind! Don’t worry about over-sharing – you need to get it out, and we need to hear it! You’re an inspiration. Take care :)

    • Thanks Alarna!
      I will keep posting stories when they occur so I have my chapters already written. It will make it easier to compile all of it next year when I write the book. It is so weird how life works. I would never have dreamed I would be writing about this! At least boobs and nipples are pretty funny body parts!

  37. I don’t know what a Stayfree Mini Pad is, but it sounds like there should be one in every first aid kit!

  38. Oh, Susie. You and your nipple-less boobs make me laugh. (never thought I’d type out THAT sentence) Keep on pumpin’ and getting better!

    • Got my last pump on Friday. It hurt so much! I am finally back to typing. I am done pumping them up. They are good enough! Nipple-less is the way to go. I can’t imagine going through any more surgery than I have to! Sheesh!
      Thanks Darla!

  39. Stayfree Minipads may want you and Danny to run their new advertising campaign. I’m sure they would be thrilled to discover their product can be marketed in a whole new way! When are you going to Europe now, Susie?

  40. I’m just waiting for the post where you describe flashing someone…

  41. LMAO You’ve beaten 90% of it. If you can find humor in your travails in life the b****rds won’t wear you down. You’re a star.

  42. LOL I love you and your bionic boobs. I’m laughing too hard to say much else! Hope all three of you enjoy the 4th! ;)

  43. Pure genius, as usual. I really can’t wait to read your book.

    I’m thrilled to hear you are already through reconstruction. I was wondering when you would be facing that and appreciate the post so I know you are doing well.

    *gentle* hug

    • Thanks Nia!
      The reconstruction started during the surgery. After the oncologist was finished, the reconstructive doctor took over. I had my last fill on Friday. (it hurt and that’s why it took me a while to answer comments) In September, The expander will be swapped out with the silicone gel. Totally safe and used in knee and hip replacements.

  44. Haha, as always, another fabulous Boob Report!

  45. “No ‘Ethiopian boobs’ ever…” That was one of the things I told my sister-in-law as a “things to look forward to” when she was going for her double mastectomy/reconstruction. And now the same for you! I didn’t realize they were nip-less, which I guess does have benefits, as you’ve pointed out. Congrats on the successful surgery & post-op!

  46. Only you could make recovering from a double mastectomy a fun lunchtime read for me here at The Grind Susie. This is the first time I have ever written “fun” and “double mastectomy” in the same sentence, and very likely, it will be the last. Glad to hear that your recovery is progressing well. It sounds like your overseas trip is still on. Now that should be packed with even wilder rides. Danny’s been quite a co-pilot on this journey.

    • Yep we are packed! You better watch out since there may be more funny boob reports ahead. This was the sixth! the boob jokes keep on coming….
      Danny has become the perfect straight man…
      Thanks for all your support V! I had my last fill on Friday and am finally able to type pain-free…I have so much catching up to do.

  47. Feminine pads are often the best first aid supply – especially for heavy bleeding. I cut my thumb with glass, and there was too much blood for a regular bandaid. I cut up a pad (I prefer Always brand), wrapped it around the wound, and taped it with some first-aid tape. It stayed quite nicely.

    Good luck with your continued recovery.

  48. Yes a vivid memory but I think I can describe your deux potted plants boobs even more vividly. I think More creative and less intrusive…I assume

  49. If you HAD flashed the guys, they might not have backed toward their truck so fast.

  50. GabbyAbby

    Oh, Susie ~ this is just one of many adventures you will continue to share with the world. I’m of the mind that certain things come to those who know how to share effectively, thoroughly and with great humor. (gee, THANX God ~ or whatever). You and others put a face on something we live in terror of if we are honest, and your having been able to give us the deets — all of them – make us better able to consider options, treatments, and face recovery with a stronger mind that we might otherwise have should this come our way. You are that ‘light unto our path’ that the ancients spoke about. Bless your little, medium, or large boobs – and I’m going to suggest butterflies or roses tattooed where those other things used to be!

    • Ohhh! You are so very sweet! Your line about the light brought tears to my eyes. I am just sharing my own crazy journey. I knew that I could never change the fact that I got breast cancer, but I hope to make people think differently about it!
      I tell myself the same thing when I start wondering why this happened. I had to face it with humor. Besides, boobs are funny…
      Butterfly nipples would be amazing!
      Thank you so very much!

  51. Love your sense of humor and probably have to go there – you are a HOOT:) Your hubbie is pretty smart with the pads – thinking outside the box – check! I have been thinking of going in early for a boob squish since I have dense breast tissue – at least have a base line if nothing else. Take It Easy – Happy Hump Day!

    • There is no harm in taking care of yourself. Squish away!
      Danny is funny and a great partner through thick and thin…mini and maxi pads too!
      Thanks Renee! Happy Monday!

  52. Oh hell, this made me chuckle!! Thinking about your “oversharing”! I do love the Hans & Franz reference too. Why can’t you name them after guys if they’re “flotation devices”? Guys name their boats after women all the time! ;)

  53. *snort* You are something, Susie Strong!

    I can remember when people wouldn´t even say the word ‘cancer.’ It was referred to as the big C or just C. But like so many things (menopause is another example), when we bring it out into the light of day and talk about it, it is much easier to cope with.

    Stories like yours remind us that this disease is not the automatic death sentence that it once was. Thanks so much for that! And as always, for your great sense of humor!!!

  54. So glad I found this blog! I just sent it to my sister who recently had a double mastectomy as well. In fact, she’s sitting right now receiving a double dose of Herceptin and chemo with a great sense of strength and humor. Go get ‘em, both of you!

  55. Hi Susie! I love your no filter state! This was so funny! You can always count on a Stayfree Mini Pad to solve all your problems – so funny that Danny blurted out the brand. Keep that wonderful sense of humor we all love! :)

  56. I love your husband and wife problem-solving how funny. Glad you are free of all contraptions now, including bras ;)

  57. Hey Susie! Always glad to see a new Boob Report in my Reader!! ;-)
    Glad you’re doing well and Danny has adapted to thinking outside the box, too!

  58. You have a wonderful outlook and yes, crazy sense of humor. But I don’t think moms ever stop hurting for their little girls…go easy on her. LOL! And be careful with the postman, too. You might end up with non-deliveries! :-)

  59. I’m so happy that you still have your sense of humor and the recovery is coming along nicely. A friend of mine had a double mastectomy and her and her husband had a hoot feeling the different sizes of implants deciding what her new “girls” should look like. The surgeon apparently didn’t see the humor in their decision making process. :)

    • I don’t think most of the the medical people involved with breast cancer are used to humorous patients. I had a similar experience this morning while in the reconstruction surgeon’s office. I think it’s my last fill. Right Danny?

  60. Only you, Susie! I never thought I’d be laughing (yes, out loud) by the end of a mastectomy story. Those poor landscaping guys.

    Keep getting healthier and healthier!

  61. I think we can all enjoy your posts and funny boob stories because we’re all so relieved that you’re okay. Keep up the great attitude.

  62. Talk about things they don’t tell you in a doctor’s office! If I had been there, I would have recommended cooking oil. That’s what my aunt used to use on patients in the ER when they would come in with their fingers superglued to stuff. :)

    • The oil might have worked! I was doing everything to avoid any kind of infection. I will remember that the next time I stick my thumb and forefinger together! :) Dang superglue!
      Thanks Piper!

  63. Thanks for sharing this info about the process – I didn’t know they pumped you up like that.

    Good-on Danny for thinking of the Stayfree Mini Pads! I would have gone with Gentle Glide Tampons and you would have looked lumpy in your t-shirt.

    Hope your progress continues to…progress!

    • We could have rolled the tampon up and down. I think there is something on the surface of the pad that absorbed that glue. Crazy or what???? I don’t know how Danny came up with that idea!
      Tomorrow will be the last day of pumping.. It is hard to decide when to stop since my boobs are not in the final shape. Once they are replaced with silicone, they will look more natural. I am going to ask to see “before and after” pictures tomorrow so I can make a decision. I don’t mind being nipple-less like Barbie, but I don’t want to be anything close to her boob size!
      Thanks Peg!

  64. Figured you’d find wearing the 2 bullets a source of amusement. (Flotation devices! How has that slipped by without someone noticing?)
    Lucky ya’ll are resourceful…the Venus Fly Trap situation would crease to be snappy very quickly. No doubt the minipad ad agency is repositioning itself to reach a broad customer base after hearing of additional uses.
    Glad you are up and engaging the world quite charmingly.
    Hope you and yours have a mountain load of happiness this July 4th.

    • That glue was all over the place! What a nightmare. I still can’t believe a mini pad solved the problem. Hahaha!
      I have always believed that it is far better to laugh than to cry. Humor, in this crazy situation, just comes naturally!
      Happy 4th to you too!

  65. Linda Seccaspina

    Of course I can think out of the box or the boob in you case. You are my Joan of arc and then some. Love ya

    • I can imagine that you are very creative. The first post I ever saw of yours was the photo post about the two OS editors as Barbie and GI Joe. Hilarious
      Love it and you Linda! Thanks!

  66. I agree with One Awkward Year.. a book, a book! Or at least some format that we could hold physically close to our heart.

  67. I have always had trouble with that leftover sticky stuff. You need a sandblaster to get it off. Kudos to Danny for letting stayfree minipads subliminally market to him. I’m really pleased you are doing so well and keeping your sense of humour. Humour served me well and I found it made the people around be more comfortable. Next time you should flash them. ;-)

    • Sandblaster! I never thought of that! :)
      I am still trying to change the way people think about breast cancer. It is still whispered in groups of people. I am just being me and putting it out there like I do with everything else! Eyebrows will continue to raise I am sure…
      I’ll flash them next time! :)
      Thanks so much!

      • My niece summed it up for me quite well once when her friend raised said eyebrow when one of use made a joke about our boobs. (We have a history of breast cancer…I am a survivor, my sister is, my Mom didn’t make it, etc.) She simply said, “We do cancer well in our family”.

        • That’s the only way. You gotta joke and then forget about it. All the rest of it can just slide us into the the hole. I hate being in that place. Laughing about boobs and nipples is pretty easy fodder!
          Sorry to hear about your mom, but glad you and your sister are doing well!

  68. Still tremendous respect- coping with life’s darker times with humor- you are an inspiration!

  69. Having just watched “the Heat” I wanted to make the same suggestion as Averil Dean… loved the movie… I would have loved to have seen the Landscapers if you had of flashed them… trying to picture a boob without a nipple… go well and keep us laughing…

    • I agree with bulldog…I was reading along rather quickly waiting to get to the part where you flashed them! Well there’s still the mailman, right?

      • You’re right! The mailman better scoot past my mailbox quickly….
        If you want to know what it looks like, just put a flesh colored bandage over the nipple and the boob will appear nipple-less! It looks pretty cool. I don’t miss my nipples at all. Is that wrong??? :)

        • no it’s not wrong! Not sure how it would look on me, I hardly have boobs at all! My daughter tells me I look like a 10 year old boy!

          Susie, I’m so glad that bulldog introduced me to your blog. I admire your courage and love your humour and I have no doubt that you are a great encouragement to women who have breast cancer.


          • Thanks so much! I hope I make anyone facing an obstacle smile. As long as we have the ability to do that, we are okay….smile that is…
            I was never a boob person. Mine were nothing to shake a stick at, unless you were shaking a stick, pointing and laughing…My new boobs are a lot better. At least they match!

            • Thanks Susie. It is amazing to see the differences and advances over the years. I can literally see a measurable advance on the fight just by plotting out my family timeline with the disease. We are getting there and people like you are leading the way.

  70. Oh, you always manage to make me laugh, Susie. You no sooner get over one hurdle, than another one rears its head. You’re coping skills are constantly being tried and tested, and Danny is also a super star. Hugs to you and your Barbie boobs. :)

  71. Boob naming contest? Betty Sue and Bobbi Jo! But seriously, I’m SO glad you’re running around and scaring landscape guys. Steps closer to normal, eh what? Sending love and hugs!

    • Thanks Christine!
      I am feeling a lot better and am looking forward to other adventures although scaring or offending people will probably still happen even without an excuse! :)
      (((hugs to you)))

  72. Oh my gosh, Susie. Oversharing, mini pads, Hans and Franz. You truly are finding the funny in cancer. You should SO write a book! xo

    • The material just keeps on coming! I have to keep writing it down so I don’t forget.
      I am thinking about compiling all of these and publishing The Boob Report. Anything to help other women smile while going through this crazy crap would be worth it!
      Thank you!

  73. You should have a contest to name your new, bionic boobs. No nipples! I guess Nipsy would be out. Or Nippitonia. Then there’s Nippilene, that’s no good either. Poor nipples. But hey! You can run around without a bra, that’s the coolest thing EVAH!

    Sorry about the sticky situation. I’m pretty sure Danny used the bandages from that ancient kit. How else would you get all the goo? Ick.

    Keep kicking ass, my friend!

    • A contest would be hysterical! I can just imagine some of the names. Thelma and Louise?
      Luckily the kit was on a shelf in his office. The bandaids he used were probably from 15 years ago when the kids were little!
      Kicking away!
      Thanks Tameri!

  74. Top of the Mornin’ to your house from mine…sharing a cuppa with you and Danny as the two of you kabitz about flotation devices and hand-grips…and landscape guys who may/may not return. Landscaping: so over rated.


  75. Glad to hear all is going well!
    Danny could be the Macgyver of post-op technicalities.

    And I now know that post mastectomy blogs are best read while drinking coffee.
    Unless I really want to share it with my monitor.

    • That’s exactly what I was thinking! I am the Macgyver of the family, but Danny really thought out of the box on that one!
      Glad to hear you didn’t nuke your computer. I know all about coffee splatter after reading funny blogs like yours for the last two years!
      Thanks Guapo!

  76. I’m glad you’re lovin’ your boobs and doing so well! There’s nothing worse than a medical person with no personality. Geez, you’re not the one getting treated lady, cheer up! Take care!

  77. At this point, I’d be shouting to the roof tops that I was alive and on the mend and having bionic boobs is one benefit on the road to full recovery. People’s reactions? Eh…from what I’ve read on your blog posts, what people thought of you hasn’t stopped you before :-D. Tell your story as often as you like with as much detail as you are comfortable with. Let ‘em blush, the rest of us will celebrate the fact that you’re here to tell it. Continued healing!

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence Dana! You are right. I am shouting!!! I can’t be that meek quiet girl who sits in the corner. With a story like this, I tend to share, but I can see where it will be nice to put all of it behind me. I will have other adventures to talk about!
      Thanks so much!

      • My mom’s a breast cancer survivor and our lives run so parallel, I’m afraid I’ll be facing a lump soon enough. Your story and hers help make me less afraid that I won’t survive. So, in telling it in all it’s ups and downs, with your sense of humor intact helps in so many ways. I selfishly don’t want you to be silenced in any way, lol.

  78. It sounds like your sense of humor is intact and the Danny is a regular trooper, inventive too. I am very glad to hear you are recovering. I have enjoyed your frank, honest and witty reports. We are pRayung for your continued healing.

  79. You could name them Sarah and Shannon…

  80. I’m enjoying these posts tremendously. You’ve helped take some of the fear away. Yes, everyone’s experience is different but you inspire me. Can you run a boob naming contest? Maybe that’s going a bit too far. So glad to read that you’re on the mend.

    • Thank you so much! You are right that everyone’s experience is different. I am the poster child for early detection. It could have been so different if I had skipped my mammogram this year and waited until next year.
      A boob naming contest is brilliant! We’ll see…

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