The Boob Report – Buns Up!

My boobs are fully bionic. This was the last surgery in the double mastectomy and reconstructive process. The swap was made by reopening my scars, deflating the expanders, rolling them up like cigars and slipping them out.

Expander

The deflated expander’s front and back, showing the blue magnetic area where saline is filled with a needle. 

Breast implant

The bait and switch. This is the example, but the actual implant is round.

Replaced with soft silicone, my halogen high beams became hamburger buns. I could see why my doctor wanted me to do the fat transfer. It looks as though they are in a push up bra while defying gravity.

Bra size in buns

Bra size in buns. My boobs resemble the B cup, I mean bun.

I asked my reconstructive surgeon about it in a follow-up appointment a week later.

“What’s up with these hamburger bun-like boobs? Will they change over time and gravity?”

“No.”

“Wait. I thought they would sag a little after the surgery.”

“They will stay the way they are.”

I let out a heavy sigh.

“You can still get a fat transfer to fill in above to smooth out the transition.”

“No. I can live with the hamburger buns,” then I thought to myself, “At least I won’t need to wear a bra.”

He examined my breasts and said, “I would like you to wear a bra for the next 4 months. I opened up the stitches under one of your breasts. The underwire will give it support and keep them even.”

I groaned imagining the underwire pressing on my sore stitches beneath my skin.

“And I would like you to do an exercise to keep them from sliding to the sides of your body.” He took both breasts in his hands. “Push them together at a right angle for a count of ten. Do this exercise ten times, twice a day.”

I rolled my eyes.

“When can I go back to my normal life?”

“Usually patients can start easing into things after three weeks, but I know you. You have to wait until four weeks. In the meantime, no repetitive motion, pushing or pulling.”

“What? Come on.”

My husband Danny laughed.

“What about tennis?”

“I would wait a couple of months. Start back in December by hitting a few balls.”

“Alright. I’ll be good. I promise.”

It’s been three weeks since the reconstructive surgery. It feels like a milestone even though I am a week away from being able to open and close heavy doors, vacuum, wash floors, dust, and wipe down counters. Dang! Now that I think about it, maybe I should wait until five weeks, just in case…

Meanwhile, I find that reciting these words while doing my exercises helps me with the count.

We must. We must. We must increase our bust.

The bigger the better, the tighter the sweater. We must increase our bust.

Previous Boob Report

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Breast Cancer Information

Breast Reconstruction after Mastectomy

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131 Comments

Filed under Boob Reports, Humor, Life

131 responses to “The Boob Report – Buns Up!

  1. Daya

    I read your freshly pressed work earlier today and decided I had to go back to the beginning.

    You are a brave woman! (Would it be too corny if I said you’re strong, too?) If I have to travel the breast cancer road one day, I won’t get reconstructive surgery…I just can’t imagine doing it. (Plus, there’s nothing wrong with no chest. ;) )

    • I’ve always thought of myself as strong-willed and determined that’s for sure!
      Reconstruction isn’t for everyone. I believe that within 30-40 years they won’t even do mastectomies. They’ll look back at them as barbaric. There is so much out there being tested!
      Thanks so much for coming back! I pray you live a long, happy, and healthy life!

      • Daya

        *laughs* I have chronic depression, IBS and anxiety disorder (without agoraphobia)…so I’m theoretically healthy! (I’m also lactose intolerant; but based on other mammals, that’s a state of genetic correctness–the rest of y’all are freaks! :D )

        I’m here for you and I plan to keep cheering you on!

        • Thanks Daya! I’m lactose intolerant too, in fact that’s what I think may have gotten me into trouble in the first place. I drank a ton of soy milk a few years ago and discovered it messed up my periods. My cancer is Estrogen positive which means cancer feeds on that hormone. I gotta believe it’s related somehow. I do believe there were other factors too.
          Coconut milk RULES!
          Thanks for coming along for the ride!
          Stop by tomorrow with a link 6:00 AM Mtn. Time to your blog. I’m having a PARTY!

  2. Pingback: An Open Letter to My Boobs | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  3. Pingback: The Boob Report – Sex and Yes! Sex! | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  4. Only you could make me smile about that type of surgery. Should I say it? I will never look at boobs quite the same way again. I want a hamburger.
    Scott

  5. Your positive attitude and great sense of humor will get you through anything, Susie. Congratulations on the cancer-free diagnosis and many wishes for a speedy return to your active life!

  6. I always knew you were a super-heroine, Susie!
    Now the world knows it too!
    Seriously though, I applaud your courage and moxie. You’re an amazing woman, Susie Lindau.

  7. “If B is good C is better, we must increase our bust.” Fanstastic! I amy have a hard time getting that lymric out of my mind. :) Congrats Susan! I hope everyday is better and better!

  8. You crack me up! I will never look at a kaiser roll the same way again.

    And I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that after this type of surgery you should stay away from vacuuming and dusting indefinitely. Way too risky.

  9. I can only assume you never imagined your wild ride would take you in this direction. But I am so delighted at your progress and not at all surprised that someone with your strength, will, and joie-de-vivre would surmount all obstacles, even the cancer-shaped ones, with verve and grace. Cheers to you, and good health in abundance!
    xo
    Kathryn

    • That is so sweet! What a great way to start my day! Thank you for your kind words. Apparently I have been fighting this type of rare breast cancer, lobular, for at least five years. Now that it is out of my body, I feel great! I have a ways to go in healing and getting back in shape, but that will come with time. Thank God they found it when they did!
      xo Susie

  10. Susie – I am glad to read things are looking up, so to speak. From the sounds of things, they always will. Ooops, I told myself I wouldn’t go there. I admire you for your courage and your wonderful sense of humor, your posts always bring a smile to my face. ALWAYS. You have one seriously positive attitude and you are always making your days count.

    • Hahaha! They will always be up! :)
      Making the days count is a lesson I learned long ago. I think what I’ve learned from having BC is to have no fear. I already faced the worst. I used to be terrified to speak publicly even in a small group of strangers. This weekend I went to a writer’s conference. They handed me a microphone so I could ask a question in a room of over a 100 people and never flinched. I am over it! Having been through this crazy experience has effected me in a really positive way! Things are “looking up” like you said!!! :)
      Thanks for all the boob support Clay!

  11. Thanks for sharing your experiences with the world.

  12. I love your funny rhyming song! It made me laugh :) Take care!

  13. Without getting too personal, my gal pal has hamburger buns and I love them. I look forward to them. I . . . okay, you get the picture.
    Peace

  14. I don’t think I’ll look at hamburger buns in the same way again. :)
    Glad to hear your reconstructive surgery went well. Hope you’re back on the tennis courts soon!

  15. LOL. Did you make up that rhyme at the end? That’s hysterical.

    Make sure you listen to the doc and take it easy. I know you’re ready to be off on another adventure, but heal up, friend. Thanks for keeping us posted on the boob report. Who knew about the hamburger buns…

    • I heard the rhyme back in grammar school on the playground. I think a lot of girls pressed their palms together and did the exercise along with the chant when they were at home… Not me. I never really believed anything would help my AA boobs back then!!!
      I am doing great and am being careful. Honest!
      Thanks Jess!

  16. All the best for a full recovery – hope all goes well. And – as always – I have to admire your tremendous courage for facing down something so serious with such totally indomitable spirit and cheerfulness, which is always the best way to recover – and then sharing your story with your readers – an inspiration to any others facing the same issues. Good on you!

  17. Reblogged this on and commented:
    Amazing Woman!

  18. Great stuff Susie – was eating a ham roll as I read on – bread breasts sound cool!

    • The best bread breasts ever!
      Thanks so much for the boob support and reblog Jim! I just got back from a writer’s conference and remembered this Boob Report post when I saw all the buns in the refrigerator! :)

  19. There’s just nobody like you…nobody!

  20. Hitting “balls” in December? He was talking tennis balls right, because I could see those new boobs getting you plenty of opportunity with the other….

  21. “We must. We must. We must increase our bust.” Ha! That cracked me up! Where is that from?

  22. filbio

    Gives new meaning to “Buttering your buns”!

    Leave it to you to make light of a sensitive subject matter and offer some laughs. You have been terrific through all of this. Sounds like you are making a great recovery!

  23. Diane brown

    When I was a teenager, we said that chant, too, but the last line was…..the bigger the better, the tighter the sweater, the boys are depending on us! Lol!

  24. When I saw the title of this post in my email, I thought – Buns up? Did she decide to have her buns lifted while she was at it? And then I clicked through and saw the photos. Holy mother of Majorca! That’s a whole lot of inflating and rolling up and zip, zip, stuffing going on, Susie. It’s really serious stuff, but oh, the way you tell it. I was feeling bad for what you had to go through, but laughing at the same time! Into the home stretch now . . . bigger and better . . .

    No one shares quite like you, and with such style!

    • Oh thanks Mary!
      I am just reporting about my journey, bunlike boobs and all!
      I was at a writer’s conference all weekend and most of the time forgot all about them! I did warn people who were going to check out my blog. I didn’t want to freak anyone out. but now that I think about it, I did anyway! :)

  25. We must, we must, we must increase our buns! I mean, bust! I had forgotten about that one girl. LOL! Yet, this one, “He took both breasts in his hands. “Push them together at a right angle for a count of ten. Do this exercise ten times, twice a day.” Seriously? Are you kidding me? Oh good grief Susie, I cannot believe what you’ve been through. And the underwire. OUCH! You have my undying sympathy. I just hope this is episode of your life is over soon. But normal? What is that? lol. If you can find it let me know. Take care and behave! Love, Karen.

    • Thanks Karen! The exercises aren’t a big deal, but the bra is uncomfortable. I keep thinking if I didn’t need to wear one, I wouldn’t feel any discomfort by now. After all I’ve been through it is hard to complain.
      Most of the time, I forget all about them! :)

  26. “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.” Bwahahaha! Loved the end reference to that book. I love the way you’re maintaining your spirit and sense of fun while you’re becoming bionic. :-)

  27. You are totally rocking it! You will be the envy of everyone when you’re 80 yrs. old and will still be able to wear a tank top, bra-less, and look like a 20 yr. old. Glad you’re taking your doc’s advice and are letting things heal. I am recovering from tendon surgery in one of my feet, and am finally a few weeks into PT. As things are getting better and better, it’s hard to not push it too much. I want to walk again so very much!

    So glad you’re doing well!

    • At least my boobs will look younger when I am old!
      That sounds painful. Feet are so sensitive! Be careful. I gotta believe you are doing a lot of stretching exercises. Are you in a boot?
      Thanks so much!

  28. I will never look at a Kaiser roll the same way. :) Just do not overdo it..
    HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

  29. I can’t remember we’re out of milk, but there I was knowing every last word to that chant! Glad all went well with the procedure…NOW BEHAVE yourself so you heal properly. 2 hoagie rolls aren’t nearly as attractive as hamburger buns.

    • Hahaha! I love it! You are right. I am avoiding the hoagie roll result of not letting them heal.
      I thought of that chant as soon as he told me the exercise. I wonder if he has heard it? I’ll ask him next time… :)
      Thanks Lisa!

  30. What I want to know is… Why do they tease you with a sample implant that looks nothing like the actual thing?! False advertising, I say… :)

  31. Well they may be hamburger buns, but they’ll never be soggy, I mean saggy. Silver lining!

    You’ve been a trooper through all of this and in a few more weeks, it’ll all just be water under the bridge to laugh about in the future.

    Keep on hanging in there, Susie! We’re all there squeezing your breasts right along with you. Wait, that didn’t sound right. You know what I mean.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • Hahaha! I know exactly what you mean and for that I am thankful!
      I love the saggy I mean soggy boobs! Hilarious. See everyone is getting the “hang” of this boob humor! (There has got to be a joke in that last sentence, but I just got back from a writer’s conference and I am sooo tired!) :)
      Thanks Patricia!

  32. Haha – I remember that chant. I think I overdid it too, when I was a teenager … so be careful!!! So good to hear all is well. I’m thinking of you while we are back in Nice enjoying la belle vie! I’ll be in Antibes all day tomorrow, hanging with friends, and doing some prep work for my book signing at the English Bookstore on Oct. 4th. Wish you were here!!!

    • You overdid the boob exercises??? Hahaha! Did you pull a pectoral muscle?
      That is sooooo cool that you will be doing a book signing. I wish I was there too. :) What an amazing place. Thanks so much Patricia! I want to hear all about it on the 5th! I am sure it will be a huge success! don’t forget to put your poster up at Choopy advertising your signing!!

  33. I’d say at least another few weeks of not being able to do the household chores… save your energy for much more enjoyable pursuits! :)

    • I know right????? Like shopping, going out to lunch, going to the movies…. Actually I just got back from a writer’s conference and I learned so much that now I have a ton of writing to do! Don’t worry. I will get out of my chair and do something pleasurable. :)

  34. No one discusses boobs like you do, Susie! Just one more reason to love ya. ;) Seriously, I can only imagine how much your words, humor and openness help others struggling with similar issues. You simply rock, my friend. Lots o’ love!

    • Thanks so much August!
      I think it is helping others. To be honest, I am just reporting my journey as it happens. I really don’t understand why anyone going through what I did would freak out. No chemo. No radiation. New boobs? Bonus!

  35. Too bad you can’t vacuum ;). You remain the coolest cucumber in the face of all this, thanks for inviting us on your journey! xo

    • Thanks so much! It is pretty natural for me to laugh at myself.
      Three more days. The count down begins….
      I have to say that after what I’ve been through, I don’t have as much fear of things. Public speaking used to terrify me, but I think I am over it!

  36. I’m glad everything has gone well… and to be able to be braless here after a bit… even better!

  37. Julie Catherine

    Susie, you’re absolutely amazing! Great news on the boob front, but please make sure you behave (as much as possible, lol) and do what the doctor orders. Stay well and happy my friend! xoxox

    • I’ve been good and am three days away from being released to the drudge of housework. Dang!
      I’ve been at a writer’s conference where I forgot all about my bun-like boobs and the surgery.. Best thing for me!
      Thanks so much Catherine!

  38. Good for you, Suzie. And do the exercises. You don’t want to have them end up looking like hotdog buns.

  39. I am very glad that I ate a salad today and not a sandwich on a roll … I am also very glad that you’re continuing to do so well, Susie!

    • Hahaha! I know what you mean.
      I was at a writer’s conference this weekend. When I came home today, I peeked into the fridge and said, “Wow! We are really stocked up with buns.” I forgot how many I bought.
      Thanks so much! I really can’t even believe I went though all of it until I look at my Barbie boobs and think, “Oh yeah..” :)

  40. Like you, I cannot stand being idle for too long. Matter of fact, I’ve implemented jogging breaks when we edit, because Mathair says I’m intolerable if I’ve been sitting for too long. But, doctor’s know best. Thanks for sharing your story, you’re truly an inspiration. And, congrats on being cancer-free. <3

  41. Susie, I wish there was some way I could have shown your posts to my late mother. Technology and time prevent that. Everything was so serious back then and looking back a little humor could have helped a whole bunch.

  42. Susie I have to say I love how you put humor into a tough situation:) I am glad to hear you hamburger bun high beams are working for you! I am also glad that you are doing so well and on the road to recovery and new adventures!!! Happy Thursday:)

  43. Now I want a sandwich…

    Congratulations! Glad you’re almost done and this is just about behind you.
    But I hope in the next follow-up, you ask if they can be fitted with laser beams. Because how cool would that be?!?

  44. Wow, that was quick that your got your new boobs – wonderful … so happy for you and congratulations, as we say in Sweden – GRATTIS!!!
    I have enough for a couple more … and they have change in gravity *laughing
    I think you should wait have two friends that didn’t wait with going back to real life … and it had an effect on them and their new boobs. So take it easy and enjoy your new friends.

    • We are getting along much better as they have stopped pinching! Gravity would make them look more realistic, but hey, I am just glad to have boobs. It wasn’t long ago that surgeons just sewed women up after mastectomy. It is my theory that it is one of the reasons there was a higher mortality rate. Docs wanted to save one breast if they could and then the cancer would come back in it. I think that is what happened to my aunt. I opted to get rid of them both and have a matched set!
      Thanks Viveka!

      • Sue, you did the right thing … not worth the risk .. and now you have something common with Anglelina *smile – Good for you.
        Had a friend that did the same, about 28 years ago … but she never got new boobs .. and she proudly was sunbathing topless. Amazing woman. So happy for you, but don’t rush back to the normal every day. Promise me .. it’s time for the world to wait on you know. *smile

  45. Do as you are told, missus! The gym, upper body weights and doing too much might make your chest muscles push the implants into the ribcage. Complete healing of the scars and surrounding tissue takes time. Speaking personally since I’ve had the same thing but with one breast – I wouldn’t touch a tennis racket until Spring. But the walking is great – them’s the breaks, babe! And get Danny to help with the massage. ;)

    • Danny is the master of massage!
      I will take it easy and will really pay attention to my body. A few years back, I had a coach that was teaching me to hit with my legs, meaning pushing off at the point of contact which puts a lot less stress on my arm. I was getting the hang of it when he quit to work at another club. I relapsed into using my arm when hitting. I plan to work with a pro to work on moving into the ball to alleviate the stress. It will probably improve my game too!
      Thanks for the advice CC!
      I hope all is well with you. :)

  46. i am thinking about your concern about sagging. Yeah, that is funny but that is a serious questions. If your skin gets a bit more streatchy…and your boobs still look like you are 16, the over all picture is going to be amazing. However, I can see you laughing at that too. And what is life without something to laugh about? even though those are your own bionic boobs. Do they shoot lasers?

    • Hahaha! I wish they did shoot lasers!
      I was hoping they would sag a bit to look more natural. Luckily, push up bras are the rage, so I fit right in!
      I find it easy to laugh at all of this, hence the Boob Report! Thanks for laughing with me Dace!

  47. Defying gravity? I doubt that Danny will complain about that.

  48. What a good choice in lyrics for you exercise :)

  49. jan

    languish around and eat bon bons! speedy recovery! thinking about you!

  50. I seriously think you should stay away from housework for another few months – I’d ride that one as long as possible! And halogen high beams? What a hoot! :)

    • I went grocery shopping last night for the first time. The cart was easy to push, but I thought, “What am I doing? I should wait at least another week before starting this chore.” I had to buy some buns!!!
      Oh yeah. The expanders made my boobs stick straight out and they were farther apart resembling headlights!

  51. Hard work! But at least you’re through the worst.

  52. Bless you, Susie! You make the most of not doing all those chores and do those exercises watching your favorite show.

  53. Do not under any circumstances do anything sooner than advised. A few weeks/months of not being able to do what you want is much better than having to go through more stuff to fix something because you were not patient.
    Lecture over. ;-)

  54. Oh Susie, you are wonderful!

  55. He said nothing about throwing tennis balls at people’s heads? (Not repetitively…just to get attention as needed…alternate arms…gotta keep things even and on the level)
    Glad the chuckles are still coming your way

  56. It’s amazing what can be done these days, Susie. Your doctor sounds really great. Just be patient, keep up the exercises, and it will soon all be behind you. (Not your boobs, I hope.) :)

  57. You are wonderful, love your style!!! Thanks for sharing this!

  58. Yay, Susie! You did it. Keep up the exercise and don’t push yourself too hard to get back doing what you usually do. You go girl! :)

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