The Boob Report – Sex and Yes! Sex!

boaw-gb-edition-14

Warning. This is an explicit post about sex, aging and surviving breast cancer for August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman Blogfest, Girl Boner Edition. Do NOT read it out loud to your child while he or she sits on your lap.

800px-Cybill_Shepherd

Image from Wikimedia

Twenty years ago, I ran into Cybill Shepherd in the entrance of a New York restaurant. I never had the opportunity to say more than hello, but I’m sure we’d be besties. She impressed me as tall and very comfortable in her own skin since she wore very little make-up and a mink coat over a sweater, jeans, and gym shoes. A decade later, she was quoted that sex gets better with age. She’s telling the truth!

In this video, Oprah is impressed with Cybill’s honesty about the subject of beauty. So am I.

As women age, many become insecure about the alarming number of wrinkles that appear overnight. Muscle mass declines at a rapid pace after age 40. Gravity takes its toll over time as well. Menopause can cause forgetfulness, hot flashes, night sweats and weight gain.

Seems like a nightmare, right? After all the wear and tear, women should be the least in love with their bodies and yet I’m here to concur with my friend Cybill. Sex improves with age!

I went to college in the late 1970’s during the sexual revolution which began in the 1960’s and ended in the mid 1980’s. It was a period of time that shucked traditional values including premarital sex. Many birth control options became available. Our generation had no problem talking about sex, laughing about sex, and having sex. I remember trudging up Bascom Hill on the UW – Madison campus with my friend Anne. The sidewalk was packed with students. We would imitate Meg Ryan faking an orgasm in “When Harry Met Sally,” and would laugh at all the gawkers. We didn’t care.

I married Danny when I was 29-years-old and was already very comfortable with my body and sexuality. I heard a long time ago that an orgasm could be compared to a sneeze. Although fleeting, it was incredibly satisfying. I can say that after 26 years of marriage, we’ve witnessed a ton of little sneezes.

Not long ago, I noticed my orgasms became very intense and lasted a lot longer. I didn’t know what was going on, but hey, I wasn’t complaining.  I remembered what my friend Cybill Shepherd said and smiled. Right on girlfriend!

The female orgasm is just now being studied. I watched a fascinating segment on Nightline from ABC News. At Rutger’s University, women were asked to masturbate while having a MRI of their brains. When they orgasmed, it resembled an epileptic seizure. Lightning burst all over the brain.

Whenever I hear the intensity of orgasms occurs later in life because women are more comfortable with their bodies, it cracks me up. It’s not from that! I didn’t suddenly become comfortable in my own skin less than two years ago.

I have a theory: There is a physiological reason for it. After going through the misery of monthly periods, giving birth, and suffering through menopausal symptom, Mother Nature cuts some of us a break.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I worried about all kinds of things. I’ve been married for 26 years and sex was at the very bottom of the list. My doctor informed me of the high rate of divorce after a breast cancer diagnosis and he was pleased to see Danny at every one of my appointments. There are a lot of douche bags out there and sometimes breast cancer weeds them out. Danny and I have a great relationship, so that was never a worry.

I wondered how many times divorce is caused by the negative feelings a woman has about her body after losing her breasts. Reconstruction has come a long way in the last 15 years and most opt to rock bionic boobs by getting silicone implants. Mine, although fake-looking, are a big improvement over my old boobs. Many survivors add nipple reconstruction and tattoos to complete the look.

Then I wondered if divorce occurs when women “go down the hole” of depression. I’m not going to lie. It’s a bummer to go through bi-lateral mastectomy, but in my own experience, the “poor me” attitude wasn’t something I let myself succumb to for longer than minutes at a time. I would snap myself out of it by getting busy. I gotta believe that when women wear the disease like a black Victorian veil, it wears on those around them. After a while the people closest to them have got to be thinking, “You’re alive. Be grateful, for God’s sake. Think about something or someone other than yourself.” 

When these intensified orgasms began, I was perimenopausal and experienced irregular periods. Months later, I began taking Tamoxifen which has similar side effects as the Pill, to demolish errant cancer cells . My periods ended. Now I am experiencing “warm flashes” and night sweats. I don’t know if it’s from the medication or if my cancer treatment coincided with menopause.

My only real concern about sex, which seldom crossed my mind during recovery, was wondering how Danny would react to the new bionic boobs and if these crazy, intense orgasms would end as quickly as they started. With the complete removal my breast tissue and losing both nipples, I knew I wouldn’t have any feeling in them.  I’m glad I didn’t waste my time worrying, since nothing changed. I don’t miss the sensation in my boobs at all. After breastfeeding two kids, I wasn’t as “into them” as I used to be. My orgasm intensity has continued even though I lost tremendous muscle mass while taking it easy during recovery, so it’s not about being in shape.

So if you are freaking out about aging and your appearance, you may have more fun in the sack than you did in your twenties even if you go through breast cancer! You gotta love Mother Nature and Cybill Shepherd. And here’s a salute to Meg Ryan who played her part in the sexual revolution. “Yes. YES! YES!

It’s a hot topic, don’t you think? Are you uncomfortable talking about sex?

 Science Daily – Sexual satisfaction in women increases with age

About susielindau

I am a Boulder, Colorado writer and artist who loves adventure both real and imagined. Come with me. It's always a Wild Ride!
This entry was posted in Boob Reports, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

93 Responses to The Boob Report – Sex and Yes! Sex!

  1. I’m still getting caught up on all the posts in BOAW, both versions. This is a great one, Susie! I totally admire you, lady. You are awesome!!

    Like

  2. Pingback: Empowering Female Sexuality Quotes: A #GirlBoner #BOAW3 Wrap-up | August McLaughlin's Blog

  3. The Hook says:

    I don’t mind a little mature naughty talk, Susie – especially with you!
    Great post!

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks! I just had to share the good news. As women age, all we hear is how terrible it is to grow older and watch our bodies deteriorate. I’m here to say, not everything goes south!

      Like

  4. Thanks for this wonderful news about female sexuality getting better and better with age. At 43 I’m loving how I feel better in my skin and how clear I can be with my partners about what I like. Yay us! Yay women! And yay orgasms!

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Yay is Right! There was a noticeable difference, so I had to share even if it is an uncomfortable subject for a lot of people. :) I am glad you are enjoying sex, being a woman, and most of all, just being you!

      Like

  5. Rohini says:

    Awesome post Susie! I have only heard the worst parts of what to expect with menopause from my relatives and friends.. Glad to know there is a silver lining!

    Like

  6. Gry Ranfelt says:

    Haha, nice to know there’s something to look forward to!

    Like

  7. Yayyy for orgasms!! After having my hysterectomy, I say I’m “built for sport”! lol And what a freeing feeling it is!

    Like

  8. From the days when my mother read aloud to me from a bland little book called “Everything a teenage girl should know” (a book I was well equipped to read alone), I have never been comfortable talking about sex. Never have. Never will, probably. But all hats off to you and your bravery, Susie! I’m glad to know there are things to look forward to :)

    Like

  9. Jess Witkins says:

    Happy BOAW blogfest, Susie! I’ll be sharing thursday. I love all these video clips you shared, Cybil Shepherd’s confession is priceless. And it made me think because I certainly grew up knowing I wasn’t one of the “pretty girls” and yet I still felt valued. How fascinating to think of their lives in such a way as having more/different opportunities because of their looks.

    Julie Glover and Tiffany White got me hooked on Pretty Little Liars, but I get so frustrated with that show because these 4 girls wear different outfits every show – multiple changes an episode! And it’s not the same as normal tv. When I grew up watching Full House, I didn’t think DJ Tanner had an endless income to buy scrunchies and stirrup leggings! But these girls are accessorized head to toe with high fashion looks – everything is a trend. It actually pulls me out of the story because it’s so not what I experienced growing up – always looking the part of a beautiful teenager. (Of course, now that Spencer has a drug problem, they’ve given her dark circles! Scandalous!!!) *end of rant*

    Like

  10. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    First off – big props to your husband for being a real man and standing by you during this. He makes us real men proud. You’re right – many douchebags would leave their wives like the cowards they are in this situation.

    Secondly – hey, it’s great to hear you are enjoying life and sex! Nothing wrong with that. If you’re healthy and up to mind blowing orgasms have at it!

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Hahaha! Thanks for stopping by Phil! I had to share since it was something I had only heard about from Cybill. Women are under the impression that sex dies out with age and I had to correct that old myth! More research is being done, but it’s getting women to discuss sex that’s hard. I’m not sure why. My friends and I talked about everything in our twenties. :)

      Like

  11. Reblogged this on and commented:
    She continues to be an inspiration

    Like

  12. I love this! You sure tell it like it is and I completely admire you for that, Susie. What a phenomenal post sprinkled with a bit of your effervescent wit. I would have expected nothing less from you. ;) You rock, wild child!

    Like

  13. I feel perfectly comfortable about talking about sex, Susie, but I’d much rather do it. Glad to know that the magic continues between you and Danny in sickness and now, back to health.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Right? What I noticed is that after marriage, my girlfriends are less likely to talk about it. I don’t know why. Maybe there’s a secret subconscious code that is imprinted on our brains when we take our vows. When I wrote this article I realized it had been years since I discussed sex and we used to talk about it all the time!!! Maybe it’s because the women I hang out with now, I didn’t grow up with. I’ve gotten a lot of views through Facebook, so it’ll be interesting if it starts a conversation!
      Thanks so much V!

      Like

  14. barbtaub says:

    Really? I thought the sex got better because the last kid left home so we didn’t have to be fast. Or quiet. Or in the bedroom…

    Like

  15. Widdershins says:

    I read about the MRI of women having orgasms on io9 a while back (I’ll see if I can link to the article) and one of the commenters noticed that the actual shape of a clitoris is remarkably like the symbol for woman! It’s taken science how long to figure this out?

    http://io9.com/5876335/until-2009-the-human-clitoris-was-an-absolute-mystery

    Like

  16. Awesome post Susie. :)

    Like

  17. Thanks so much for a great post! What an interesting story. I’m so glad it has ended well, that you’re healthy, and that the sex is still great. It’s so great to know that I have that to look forward to in a few years! :-)

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks so much Petite! I’m glad to be living to tell the tale… :)
      There isn’t a lot written about it yet and I think the previous generation was pretty uptight about sex, but I figured if it’s happening to me, it’s gotta be happening to a lot of women given what I’ve been through! It is cool to have something to look forward to as everything else goes south!

      Like

  18. Boobs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Men place a lot of stock in them, but that just shows the – um – intelligence of men. Since I am not well-endowed, I’ve never obsessed about anyone’s boobs. God gave me other gifts and talents, like compassion and intelligence and the good sense not to get involved with a man who’s only interested in boobs.

    I’d have to agree that sex certainly get better with age. And thank God for small favors, because so many other things go all to hell.

    Thanks for keeping it real, Susie.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Hahaha! ***Coffee snort***
      So true! I am glad you found a man who appreciates you! I can’t imagine being married to one who sends me out for surgery on a regular basis. I do know they exist. I don’t know why women put up with it??? Self-esteem issues I guess.
      Bodies sure do go to hell! So glad you’re experiencing the same wonderful surprise! They never taught us that in sex ed!

      Like

  19. Great post, Susie! Taking things in your stride is not always easy but by far the best course of action (pun intended)

    Like

  20. Susie, if anyone I love ever has to have a mastectomy, I’m going to look up all your posts of the last six or eight months for them to read. Or maybe I’ll just take them to Boulder to talk to you. After what you’ve gone through and the attitude you’ve maintained, I expect you to be about ten feet tall.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Please do, but I pray no one you know has to look me up! I’m a shrimp at 5’4″, but like Danny, I think I’m 10 foot tall and bulletproof. Thanks so much David! You’ve been such a supportive friend through all of this. I just love to spread the good news! Thanks so much!

      Like

  21. Menopause came early for me, directly attributed to my treatments for my breast cancer (according to my Drs.). There was definitely a freedom and a lot more results when it came to sex after that. I think if more men were aware of the possibilities as we get older, fewer would be looking for younger women.

    Like

  22. PapaBear says:

    You are one gutsy lady, Susie ! It took some real courage to put this out in the public eye, and I (and most likely, you) can only hope that the people who need it will read it – girls and guys ! Best to ya, gal !!!!!

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks Paul! It’s funny how easy this was to write, even though the research took a while. Danny liked it, but I still wondered what people would think. Then I thought about how Cybill Shepherd’s words came back to me. I wanted to give the younger bloggers something to look forward to and open the door for conversation for those that may have a similar experience. I also think that women shouldn’t be afraid of growing older when sex just keeps getting better!
      Mine post is really tame compared to some of the participants! Whew! I had to cool off outside… :)

      Like

  23. I love this post, Susie! You so rock, girl! My mom was on Tamoxafin and had hot flashes from it, so the medication is definitely intensifying the hot flashes.

    Yep, I’m quite uncomfortable talking about sex. Still at my age. You’ll laugh if you read my post on Thursday (am still working on it), but I am still embarrassed to talk about puberty and periods! Girls never talked about periods around boys back in my day. I’ve got about ten years on you. Of course, there were plenty who were comfortable talking about sex, but many of us weren’t. To think that in prior generations, women had to try to hide their pregnancies. Funny how different generations deal with these things. I couldn’t wait to show off my baby bump when I was pregnant, but back then, we were expected to cover up. I like today’s maternity fashions much better than in my day!

    I’m so happy you’re doing so well. And Danny is a gem. Thank God you had him by your side through the whole mastectomy and recovery. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. XO

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      I can’t believe you’re older than me! You look like you’re in your late forties and I am older than that!
      It is funny to see how much repression still exists when women talk about sex. I tried to explain my post to my daughter yesterday and she wasn’t having it! I think the idea of parents having sex is always awkward.
      My generation in Madison, Wisconsin was very open in regards to everything related to sex and even back then we were encouraged to talk about what we liked with our partner. I can’t remember where we heard that. Afternoon talk shows? Cosmo? Madison in the late 70’s and 80’s before AIDs was the heart of the sexual revolution.
      Danny is a life saver. I literally remember clinging to him when I had my bad moments. He was and is always there for me!
      Thanks so much Lynn! I can’t wait to read yours!
      xxooSusie

      Like

  24. Susie, we can always depend on your to get right to the point! You painted a true picture of sex as we age. Of course, there are some women who have hormone issues that interfere but the bottom line is there is a solution for everything and it’s important for everyone to realize this. I so agree with all you said but nevertheless will put my post in the “shy girl” portion of BOAW. I love that August keeps encouraging us all to participate and share the beauty of a woman in whatever way we wish. As usual, your post rocks!

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks for stopping by to comment! I never would have believed I would be contributing something to Girl Boner, but I needed to address sex after double mastectomy for my Boob Report book.
      Once I was in college, I could share verbally. It took me a while to get used to putting all of this in writing. I am well “over the hump” now!!!!
      Thanks Pat! I will look forward to reading your post later in the week!

      Like

  25. tomwisk says:

    Hi Susie, visited August’s blog and left a comment with a middle-aged male’s point of view. Your post was an eye-opener. A lot of men who have been married a while tend to fleeting thought about bailing when menopause shows up. They forget one important thing menopause has “pause” it’s a rest, a passing from the child bearing years to the relief of intimacy without consequence. I know it sounds chauvinist but it’s the only point of reference I have. The post was informative and Cybill Shepard is a national treasure as are you. Luv ya.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Awww! Thanks Tom! Love ya too! I may have just started menopause. I’m not sure since it could be a reaction to the medication and yet my body is ready to GO! You’re right. We need to change our opinion about menopausal women. They could be experiencing sex better than ever!

      Like

  26. Jenny Hansen says:

    All right!! Since I’m in my mid-forties now, I’m excited about all this “better orgasms” business. Incidentally, my guy is in his early 50s and he said orgasms are getting more intense for him too. Go figure. :-)

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Wow! Is it wrong that your comment just gave me shivers???? Hahahaha! Good for him! :)
      I have no idea why since it makes sense they would have gotten more intense years ago. It’s got to be age and hormone related. Maybe our bodies quit ovulating and start putting all their energy into our pleasure centers!!!
      Something to look forward to Jenny!

      Like

  27. Yay! We are loving this post, Susie. I always tell Mathair that I can’t wait to get older, and am not shy about my *girl crushes* which are all actresses over forty, (Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon, Helen Mirren). Age and women are like wine and I’ve yet to mature. I love watching Mathair, though. She always tells me to enjoy my youth and to embrace it, but experienced women have always fascinated me. Their wisdom, their confidence, their sexuality and their bodies are blossoming and it’s something that should be embraced, celebrated even. And the fact that you’ve done so while displaying such courage through breast cancer… well, I just have to say that you are an inspiration. Danny sure is one lucky guy and so are we to have found you. Your post is hands down my fave of the BOAW, Susie. Rock it out.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Awww! Really??? That is a huge compliment. I told Danny that I loved every one of them! :)
      That is a great list! Another girl crush of mine is Shirley Maclaine. She is still working and so comfortable in her skin. I was out of town when she was here for Boulder’s Film Festival, but would love to hear her speak sometime. She guest starred on Downton Abbey last night!
      Your mother sounds so wonderful! For me, it’s about knowing who I am and not wasting time with those that hold me back. It’s a huge relief!
      Thanks for being part of my posse!

      Like

  28. jan says:

    your candor and openness are inspirational to all. i think you helped a LOT of women who worry about aging, boobs, and sex. what you went through was incredible, putting that aside for a moment, the real truth is nobody’s boobs look as er, “perky” as they did in the 20’s, so live with it, appreciate what you got, and go for the ride! hope to see you soon! xo

    Like

  29. This is wonderful, Susie! Muy Caliente! What an inspiration you are to so many. :)

    Like

  30. Fabulous post, Susie! There are many reason sex improves for women with age, and you hit on some of the biggies — I love the Mother Nature giving us a break bit. LOL Deserved!

    I’m so glad the myth that women peak sexually in their 30s has been debunked… I’m inspired every time I hear a woman speak about increased pleasure and empowerment — you included! Thanks so much for participating in the fest. :)

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks so much August!
      For me, it’s not about the kids leaving the nest. My youngest has been gone for almost four years. It can’t be about being comfortable with my body, so I figure there HAS to be a physical change that occurs!
      It was so funny. I tried broaching the subject with my daughter yesterday. She just wasn’t having it! I can talk about anything, but sex!
      It will be fun to click on the other links!
      I linked the photo back to your place too.. :)

      Like

  31. gardenlilie says:

    Susie! Hi!
    I haven’t been here lately or maybe you haven’t posted. You are sensational and rock it! Great topic and I concur with Cybil. I’d say a few years ago it, sexual desire, came back. When you have kids and they are so busy, I believe it slacks for both people, but then something does happen as we age and I’m here to add to that discussion. Desire increases, thank heavens. Now, what to do with it? ha ha. We should all be so lucky to have wonderful sexual partners with love to boot. Man, what a topic. Do it again. :)
    Thanks for your posts on breast cancer and such. I have some thoughts on this topic also. I will post on one of my blogs, probably later this year, more medical topics and especially my views on breast cancer. I’m a nurse who does work in this area.

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      I’ve dropped out of your Reader. Just unfollow me and follow again! It’s happening to everyone on a small scale.
      Great to “see” you! Thanks so much! I’m so glad you agree! It was weird putting something out there I hadn’t even discussed with friends. I meant to bring it up the other night with my book club, but spaced it out!
      I’ll look forward to your posts on breast cancer!

      Like

  32. Pingback: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest III: #GirlBoner Edition | August McLaughlin's Blog

  33. colonialist says:

    So sad that some people allow far lesser things to send them into a, ‘Oh, well, that’s it as far as my sex life goes. ‘I’ll stop even thinking about it.’
    My vote on sex is, ‘Oh-h-h-h, yes-yes-yes!’

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      That is so true!
      Hahahaha! I love that video of Meg Ryan. I wonder how many times I’ve said, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
      My goal here on the Wild Ride is to bring hope and a smile! I’m glad you smiled with me on this one! It was Danny approved,,so I pressed publish! It’ was a little scary!

      Like

  34. EagleAye says:

    Well, it seems you are a lucky woman to have Danny in your life, and lucky for a lot of other things, especially that sense of humor of yours that keeps you laughing. I think it’s nice that nature gives woman a break after forty. It’s kinda like getting a bonus check. I like the idea of bionic boobs. Can they smash down locked doors and shoot down bad guys in helicopters? ;) It’s awesome that you can be candid about these things. You’re an inspiration for people of both genders for your courage. Rock on!

    Like

  35. Alright, I feel odd leaving a comment since I never had cancer and I don’t technically have boobs, but I did enjoy reading this and thought I should let you know (but I do feel a bit like a creepy stalker guy listening in on women speak openly to one another about their bodies and sex).

    Like

    • gardenlilie says:

      Is it everything you thought we’d say?? Or more?

      Like

    • susielindau says:

      I love it! I’m glad you stopped by. It’s not my normal subject matter and I’m sure I’ve raised some eyebrows, but I consider myself pretty average. If it’s happening to me, it’s gotta be happening to a lot of women. I had to share!
      You are new to my blog, but I really don’t have much shame! :) I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
      If you click on the top photo, you will go to the list of other participants in the blogfest. There’s a list of participants to check out!

      Like

  36. Tammy Thramann says:

    I would agree on ALL counts! The positive attitude really does go a long way-grateful to be alive is the only way to look at it! Great article Susie!

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks so much Tammy! I’m glad you stopped by! Isn’t it crazy? :)
      Science is so behind in studying women. It will be interesting what they find.
      Maybe this will get women comfortable enough to talk about sex! I’m getting a lot of views from Facebook, so I’ll be anxious to see if anyone brings it up when I run into them. They may blush…

      Like

  37. El Guapo says:

    Umm…glad you’re enjoying yourself? ;)

    Good to hear that breast cancer didn’t slow you down in any way shape or form in any part of your life!

    Like

  38. jmgoyder says:

    I LOVE your honesty!

    Like

  39. What is there to say except…thank you for that. Like Kitt Crescendo (above) I, too, admire your thoughtful honesty.

    Like

  40. Can I just say how proud and honored I am to be sharing Beauty of a Woman, GirlBoner edition with you? You never cease to wow me with your candor and fierce attitude! It’s one of the many things I love about you. Thanks for sharing your story. (So glad your ‘sneezes’ are only getting stronger with age.)

    Like

    • susielindau says:

      Thanks so much Kitt! You are so sweet! I can’t wait to read yours!
      I want to publish The Boob Reports a year from now and had to write a chapter about sex. I wondered if I had gone too far, but Danny thought it was very respectful and complimentary of him, so he said it would be fine to put it out there. Anyway, it’s all true. And I did think of Cybill when they first started happening!

      Like

  41. As a caretaker to someone that had cancer, I feel its the same. Weird isn’t it. yes he is thousands of miles away but it take a toll.

    You need to think and have a firm head on your shoulder.

    women “go down the hole” of depression.

    Oh yes they do and I am fighting it every single day.
    Love you my friend

    Like

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