The Boob Report – Sex and Yes! Sex!

Warning. This is an explicit post about sex, aging and surviving breast cancer for August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman Blogfest, Girl Boner Edition. Do NOT read it out loud to your child while he or she sits on your lap.

Image from Wikimedia

Twenty years ago, I ran into Cybill Shepherd in the entrance of a New York restaurant. I never had the opportunity to say more than hello, but I’m sure we’d be besties. She impressed me as tall and very comfortable in her own skin since she wore very little make-up and a mink coat over a sweater, jeans, and gym shoes. A decade later, she was quoted that sex gets better with age. She’s telling the truth!

In this video, Oprah is impressed with Cybill’s honesty about the subject of beauty. So am I.

As women age, many become insecure about the alarming number of wrinkles that appear overnight. Muscle mass declines at a rapid pace after age 40. Gravity takes its toll over time as well. Menopause can cause forgetfulness, hot flashes, night sweats and weight gain.

Seems like a nightmare, right? After all the wear and tear, women should be the least in love with their bodies and yet I’m here to concur with my friend Cybill. Sex improves with age!

I went to college in the late 1970’s during the sexual revolution which began in the 1960’s and ended in the mid 1980’s. It was a period of time that shucked traditional values including premarital sex. Many birth control options became available. Our generation had no problem talking about sex, laughing about sex, and having sex. I remember trudging up Bascom Hill on the UW – Madison campus with my friend Anne. The sidewalk was packed with students. We would imitate Meg Ryan faking an orgasm in “When Harry Met Sally,” and would laugh at all the gawkers. We didn’t care.

I married Danny when I was 29-years-old and was already very comfortable with my body and sexuality. I heard a long time ago that an orgasm could be compared to a sneeze. Although fleeting, it was incredibly satisfying. I can say that after 26 years of marriage, we’ve witnessed a ton of little sneezes.

Not long ago, I noticed my orgasms became very intense and lasted a lot longer. I didn’t know what was going on, but hey, I wasn’t complaining.  I remembered what my friend Cybill Shepherd said and smiled. Right on girlfriend!

The female orgasm is just now being studied. I watched a fascinating segment on Nightline from ABC News. At Rutger’s University, women were asked to masturbate while having a MRI of their brains. When they orgasmed, it resembled an epileptic seizure. Lightning burst all over the brain.

Whenever I hear the intensity of orgasms occurs later in life because women are more comfortable with their bodies, it cracks me up. It’s not from that! I didn’t suddenly become comfortable in my own skin less than two years ago.

I have a theory: There is a physiological reason for it. After going through the misery of monthly periods, giving birth, and suffering through menopausal symptom, Mother Nature cuts some of us a break.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I worried about all kinds of things. I’ve been married for 26 years and sex was at the very bottom of the list. My doctor informed me of the high rate of divorce after a breast cancer diagnosis and he was pleased to see Danny at every one of my appointments. There are a lot of douche bags out there and sometimes breast cancer weeds them out. Danny and I have a great relationship, so that was never a worry.

I wondered how many times divorce is caused by the negative feelings a woman has about her body after losing her breasts. Reconstruction has come a long way in the last 15 years and most opt to rock bionic boobs by getting silicone implants. Mine, although fake-looking, are a big improvement over my old boobs. Many survivors add nipple reconstruction and tattoos to complete the look.

Then I wondered if divorce occurs when women “go down the hole” of depression. I’m not going to lie. It’s a bummer to go through bi-lateral mastectomy, but in my own experience, the “poor me” attitude wasn’t something I let myself succumb to for longer than minutes at a time. I would snap myself out of it by getting busy. I gotta believe that when women wear the disease like a black Victorian veil, it wears on those around them. After a while the people closest to them have got to be thinking, “You’re alive. Be grateful, for God’s sake. Think about something or someone other than yourself.” 

When these intensified orgasms began, I was perimenopausal and experienced irregular periods. Months later, I began taking Tamoxifen which has similar side effects as the Pill, to demolish errant cancer cells . My periods ended. Now I am experiencing “warm flashes” and night sweats. I don’t know if it’s from the medication or if my cancer treatment coincided with menopause.

My only real concern about sex, which seldom crossed my mind during recovery, was wondering how Danny would react to the new bionic boobs and if these crazy, intense orgasms would end as quickly as they started. With the complete removal my breast tissue and losing both nipples, I knew I wouldn’t have any feeling in them.  I’m glad I didn’t waste my time worrying, since nothing changed. I don’t miss the sensation in my boobs at all. After breastfeeding two kids, I wasn’t as “into them” as I used to be. My orgasm intensity has continued even though I lost tremendous muscle mass while taking it easy during recovery, so it’s not about being in shape.

So if you are freaking out about aging and your appearance, you may have more fun in the sack than you did in your twenties even if you go through breast cancer! You gotta love Mother Nature and Cybill Shepherd. And here’s a salute to Meg Ryan who played her part in the sexual revolution. “Yes. YES! YES!”

It’s a hot topic, don’t you think? Are you uncomfortable talking about sex?

 Science Daily – Sexual satisfaction in women increases with age