This Just In!

The Polar Vortex has affected weather patterns and has also changed migration. Geese have been spotted on the equator while Antarctic penguins could be found walking single file along northbound highways.

After record snow this winter, Colorado ski areas are considering staying open until the 4th of July. They plan to close with a bang.

Recent earthquakes in California have sent many residents into their backyards to camp, This has caused an acute shortage of tents, graham crackers and marshmallows.

So many Wisconsinites have moved south while waiting for spring to arrive, no one was in the stands when the UW Badgers made it to the final four. The university is considering busing California residents for the next game.

Donald Trump will join Dancing with the Stars next season. Old apprentice favorites will compete while Trump takes over Tom Bergeron’s job. He will fire all but the mirror ball trophy winner.

The remake of Gilligan’s Island is in the works. Rumor has it, Zooey Deschanel will play Mary Ann, Christina Hendricks will play Ginger, Gene Hackman will play Mr. Howell, Joan Rivers will play Mrs. Howell, Harrison Ford will play the Professor, Jack Black will play the Skipper, and Jim Carey will play Gilligan.

Apple will release their latest invention called iAm. The device worn around the neck can keep track of heart rate, cholesterol, how many calories burned and can make suggestions with how to attain goals through GPS. It has shock settings which are triggered when the wearer takes an elevator instead of the stairs.

 ZAP!!!

APRIL FOOLS! 

Will you prank anyone?