An Open Letter to My Boobs

Dear Bionic Boobs,

I know you’ve been adjusting to your new digs since the reconstruction surgery seven months ago. I’ve protected you from wild elbows, supported you with a bra, and exercised you by smooshing you girls together. (Doctor’s orders.) You seem happy enough and pretty perky.

I do have some concerns.

One night, I looked down and you had wandered off to the sides of my chest. You left four inches between you two. I almost had a heart attack. I thought I’d torn something while vacuuming.  As you know, I’ve started wearing a sport’s bra to bed to corral you at night, so I don’t wake up and freak out.  I wish you girls would stick together.

Although you’re shaped like hamburger buns and aren’t huge by any means, you weigh more than my old boobs. In fact, you’re a little on the hefty side. The doctor suggested some exercises to build muscles in my back to keep from hunching over.

I thought I’d never need to wear a bra again, but apparently some of your sisters have sagged. I’ve been instructed to wear one when I’m active. Bummer. You’re a little wrinkly when you’re just hanging out, but I refuse to get a fat transfer. You’ll have to get used to that.

You look totally fake and I’m sure some people will stare and roll their eyes this summer. They’ll think I had a boob job. I can always wear this t-shirt.



I have noticed some very positive attributes since your arrival.

During ski season, your sacks of silicone acted like hot water bottles and kept me warm. I don’t know how that will translate during the summer. I plan to open the freezer door in the grocery store to cool you down before hitting the hot asphalt parking lot. You may work like refrigeration units!

My doctor informed me I wouldn’t play tennis like before my double mastectomy, but since I’ve been back, I’ve played better. It must be the new ballast your weight provides when using centrifugal force as I swing through the ball. You seem to put more velocity into every shot.

When wearing a bra, you do rise to the occasion and give me pretty nice cleavage. I can’t complain about that!

I’m sure we are still adapting to this new arrangement. You probably don’t like it when I roll onto my stomach. I felt a twinge of pain the last time. It gives me hope my nerves are waking up and you girls won’t continue to be numb.

I may never get used to the constant feeling of plastic sacks under my pectoral muscles, but I’m glad I opted for reconstruction. Even though you’re not what I expected, you’re growing on me.

Your Host,
Susie Lindau


Click HERE for first Boob Report in the series.

Thanks to Darla from She’s a Maineiac for the Open Letter idea. 

The t-shirt is from Cafe Press

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Filed under Boob Reports, Freshly Pressed

393 responses to “An Open Letter to My Boobs

  1. Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources
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  2. your post is pretty awesome….

  3. Whoohoo, girl!! If you go around wearing that top, be proud, feel good and show ‘em off :)

    • Thanks so much! I will!
      It will be fun to wear it during the summer and see the reaction. I will do a follow up post!
      Thanks so much for stopping by the Wild Ride!

  4. Pingback: Five Posts to Write Right Now | The Daily Post

  5. angieatthecakecircle

    So clever and cute :) Best of Luck!

  6. Reblogged this on fashionsvictims and commented:
    Heck yes!!!!!!

  7. Reblogged this on amandawilliams187 and commented:
    wow! sounds nice to me hmmm

  8. Reblogged this on WHY? and commented:
    Thank you

  9. Wow . . . Hope you won’t mind my reblog.

  10. hodarad1989

    Reblogged this on My pink world and commented:

  11. Reblogged this on tonykavanagh and commented:
    My wifes having reconstruction tomorrow wednesday i hope she comes out of it as positive as you

    • Thanks so much for the reblog!
      I am sending prayers and positive vibes to your wife. She’s already been through the tough part and soon she’ll be BIONIC! You have to buy her the t-shirt! Reconstruction, although not as brutal, still has its recovery period of 8 weeks.

      I’ve written 14 of these humorous Boob Reports which chronicle my own journey. Feel free to pass them along to your wife. They’re sure to bring a smile. :)

  12. You are divine, uplifting and real. Deep bows. ~Eve

  13. Reblogged this on  shelley ross daily Xpress and commented:
    Susie Lindau, a kindred spirit. Sharing her brilliant blog which is accompanied by her Tshirt that reads: “Yes They’re Fake. My real ones tried to kill me.”

  14. milqdudz

    thanks for permission Susie. I reblogged to Tripping Over Cancer today. Still giggling.

  15. milqdudz

    Reblogged this on Tripping Over Cancer and commented:
    Here’s a brilliant post from Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride. To be sure, I will follow up with a letter to my frankenboobies. I have so much to say to them, the rascals.

  16. Charise Simpson

    Hi Susie, This is so hilarious! I’m so glad I met you at the PPWC today. Looking forward to connecting with you.

  17. Thank you, Susie….
    For sharing your, story….
    You are an, inspiration, to me…
    Love, Tammy

  18. That was amazing. I’m glad that it’s working for you. I’m studying to one day become a surgeon and it’s pleasing to see plastic surgery work for you. I hope all goes we for you.

  19. Sensational info. I look forward to seeing more.

  20. all4my2ks

    Wow!! You are an amazement. Yours is the incredible story of not only a survivor… But a thriver. Thank you for sharing this unique perspective!!

  21. Reblogged this on Wanda's Life Sampler and commented:
    I laughed out loud when I saw this post. It was featured on Freshly Pressed and I can’t seem to get the image of Freshly Pressed Boobs out of my head.

  22. I love your sense of humor! Best wishes to you and your ta-ta’s.

  23. Reblogged this on mr. pickles dad and commented:
    Help someone you love beat this horrific disease, support by volunteering or by donating whatever you can. My lovely wife has been clear for thirteen years, I support the Susan B Kaman.

  24. rubenbabu2

    Wow. What an amazing way you write about the wonderful conversation between you and your two twin-sister guests, who are now family. Kudos.

  25. Kudos to you – how brave you are to write with such candor about your “girls”!!!!

    • Thanks LD!
      I chose to go through my “journey” with my sense of humor in tact! Not that I always used tact! My “silicone sisters” have provided all kinds of fodder for The Boob Reports!
      Stop by again soon. It’s always a Wild Ride around here!

  26. Reblogged this on koolkag's Blog and commented:
    I really like this

  27. Susie, what a wonderful, challenging picture you have drawn! You are a star. Hope the girls and you are doing wonderfully well . :) Have shared this on my blog. Lots of love.

    • Thank you so much! The girls have “fit right in,” and are getting along great! The wandering still happens, but I’m adjusting to their nocturnal habits… :)
      Stop by the Wild Ride anytime!

  28. Pingback: An Open Letter to My Boobs | Cinnamon and Coffee Blossoms

  29. Boobs. Well lemme tell ya, I am not going to be the stupid male jerk that makes a stupid male jerk comment here. If I make a comment the people will know I am a stupid male jerk so I will avoid commenting here about bazooombas.

  30. This post made me giggle out loud several times. What a journey you and your boobs have been through! I’m sure you gals will have plenty more fun adventures to come :). You, lady, are awesome.

    • Awwww! Thanks so much!
      I do have a few more Boob Reports in mind. One of them about nipples. Mastectomy patients generally don’t get to keep them, so there are options for reconstruction. Boobs are funny, but nipples are hilarious!

  31. A great letter; brave and funny. Thought-provoking too. TDx

  32. Such a great feeling being able to do something that the doctors told you couldn’t! Glad you’re better! Well done! x

    • Thanks Jessie! I think it’s all about being optimistic. I am ridiculous! Ask any of my tennis partners. We can be down 0-5 and I’ll say, “We’ve got them right where we want them…”
      Stop back anytime! It’s always a Wild Ride!

  33. OMGsh! You and your boobs have a very special relationship!

  34. Hello! My name is Nymphe Foresther. Do yo want to perform web banner exchange with me ? I have traffic on my blog so if we join ours then we have more together… More info about me ? Just click my avatar profile picture or name. Thanks. N.F.

  35. everygirlsfairytale

    This was a good light read, can’t wait to read more of your posts :)

  36. Very well written. Conveys emotions.

  37. This blog was so great to read !!! Top job !! xox

  38. Hahaha! What a perfectly perky post! I am sure your headlights are shining in all their freshly pressed glory. Great letter. And so encouraging to read how great y’all are doing together. I wish you all a long and unflappy life. :-)

  39. Lovely piece girl… Love it… Will write on it soon or you could write an article for it on my blog… What do you think? Its

    • You can write about it and link me. Just don’t copy it. Thanks so much!!
      You could always reblog it… :)

      • I was planning to reblog it but you make me feel bad… I wa just showing some support.. That’s all… I don’t copy posts and if I have to.. I will fully acknowledge your handwork… Don’t pick on me for appreciating your write-up..

        It does not relate to my area… I just appreciate your work alright…

        A lot of write-ups about boobs been on.. But u like the angle you came at which is almost like everyone… I just appreciate it.. Was that too much to do.. Anyways.. Nice writing…. Little blogger growing (

  40. What a lovely post- it radiates positivity.

  41. Love the T! Absolutely BEST reason for silicon boobs. Strength!

    • Right??? I never would have even considered an augmentation, but I just had to have something even if they are totally fake Barbie boobs!
      The t-shirt is hilarious. I can’t wait to wear it.
      Thanks for stopping by to read Catherine!

  42. So we both got Freshly Pressed practically on the same day? Nice! Fun piece, too. Thanks for keeping us all, um, abreast of matters.

    • I know! What a fantastic week for us!
      Hey, I know all of the puns and have used most of them, but I came up with a new name for them today. Silicone sisters! Hahaha! I’ll have to use that one in the next Boob Report!
      Thanks for stopping by Paul!

  43. Reblogged this on Tarek Elbakry's Blog and commented:

  44. I love it when something can be serious and funny at the same time. Very nicely written. Also, that T-shirt seems solid.

  45. I love it. awsome t-shirt

  46. Pingback: Amy Shojai's Blog

  47. Brilliant! I love your wit :)

    • Thanks so much Questen! I have found that boobs can be pretty funny, especially fake ones. I’ve been writing Boob Reports about my quirky but humorous journey since last May. It was a Wild Ride! :)

  48. Pingback: Use Me and Abuse Me – Roxy Blog Hopping Edition | Susie Lindau's Wild Ride

  49. Never was a serious issue rendered in a passing tone, never was a seeming offensive issue rendered rendered in such a blessed manner, and never was a poor blogger left mouth 360 agape at a freshly pressed! Now, I know why it is called freshly pressed, this is real FRESH!

    • Thanks Kingley! I’ve been on this journey for a year since my diagnosis last April and chose to face breast cancer with humor. I wrote The Boob Reports to make it less scary for others. I am glad it left your mouth agape and hopefully with a smile!

  50. Reblogged this on Tales of a crazy girl's life and commented:
    So sweet! My amazing sister is going through the exact thing, thankyou so much for this update:)

    • Thank you so much for the reblog! I will send positive thoughts and prayers to your sister.

      Feel free to send her the link to my Boob Reports. I’ve written 14 of these humorous stories which chronicle my double boobectomy journey. :)

  51. Honest, brave, thought provoking and beautifully written. There’s a story behind everything. Nicely done.

    • Thanks Adora! Love your name by the way.
      There is a story and sometimes it’s not what you think! I would have judged boobs like mine, but not anymore!
      Stop by the Wild Ride again soon!

  52. I have to tell you I might have been one of the ones who judged you without knowing your story. After reading this, I promise you I will never look at fake boobs the same way again. I will consider that any woman I see might have gone through what you did and deserves compassion and understanding and not judgement.

    This is embarrassing for me since I have had my body radically modified by illness and surgery, Like the Jim Croce song says my body looks like “jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone.” Even with this experience, I wasn’t able to consider that the person I was looking at might have gone through what I did. You opened my eyes with the blog post.

    I am now following your blog. I suspect there may be more I can learn from you. Thank you for having the courage to share your battle with the world. Hopefully you can find something of value in my blog as well.

    • Wow! You are so cool! I am so glad to meet you!
      It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I am so glad you survived the trauma.
      Yep. I used to judge too. Now that breast cancer is on the rise, everyone knows someone going through this process. Leave it to me to be open and honest about it! TMI should be my middle name. :)

      Stop back with a link and post it in my comment section on my Use Me and Abuse Me blog post and meet my friends!

  53. That was great! Continue to be blessed!

  54. Hi there, loved the post. I only had a lumpectomy so am just a bit lopsided! My cousin had a total mastectomy and is delighted with the best cleavage she’s ever had! You’ve got to laugh, go girl!

    • At first, I thought I’d only need the lumpectomy, but as it turned out, I had to lose the whole breast. Before I found out the results of the biopsy, I decided to get rid of them both. I opted for a matched set!
      Glad to meet another survivor sister! :)

  55. Do I address this to you or your breasts? If they’re responsible for this post, maybe they deserve the fan mail??

    I add to everyone’s ‘good on you.’ I took a different path and embraced breastlessness. It was sort of disconcerting, at first, when no one noticed I have the body of a 12 year old boy. Now, I find it liberating and embrace living breastlessly. So, if it’s okay with you, I’ll experience having boobs again vicariously through your posts.

    • I think that’s great! I never would have gotten a boob job and hesitated with the safety of these “silicone sisters.” My doctor assured me that they were not the implants of the 90’s and they were made out of the same material they put in hips and knees.
      It did take another surgery and 8 week setback, but it was right for me. I have friends who did not opt for them and that’s great too!
      What is most important is that we are BOTH SURVIVORS! WOOHOOO!

  56. Congrats on the large new boobs. I hope u enjoy them and I hope your man enjoys them too.

    • They aren’t really large, but exactly like hamburger buns. Hey. I’m just happy they are agreeable and have gotten used to their new space.
      It was either them or no boobs at all. :)

  57. Susie, I love this blog and think your openness and willingness to share your experience is amazing. You’re a real inspiration!!! :O)

    • Thanks Libby! I’m so glad you stopped by!
      I tend to be on the TMI side so my blog is always honest. What you see is what you get with this Wild Rider!
      Stop by again soon!

  58. Reblogged this on A Beauty Fighting for Boobies and commented:
    Very nice article!

  59. Awwww……and I’m sure your new boobies are starting to like you too!

    Summer is coming. Just picture yourself and your new boobs running along the beach in a sexy bathing suit like Bo Derek in 10!

  60. cheers to your sense of humor:)

  61. This is the First Blog i ve read and it touched my Hard in a Mix of emotions from smiling,LoLing &wiping tears away ;-) ty so much for your beautyful Blog ,Gbu

  62. Thanks for this amazingly written story with such an balance between humor, sentiment and cynicism…

    • Thank you! It had to be written. The girls needed to be straightened out. That actually happened during the second surgery! :)
      It was a fun piece to write. One of my friends suggested a response written by my boobs!
      Stop by the Wild Ride again soon.

  63. Hi Susie,

    After reading your piece it became evident to me that us men will never comprehend the depth and importance a woman’s breast have to her so I’m truly impressed and grateful that you took your time to share with us a little insight into your world and challenges.

    I salute you.

    • Thanks so much for reading!
      I associate breasts with being female. Not all women opt for reconstruction. In the State of Colorado, it’s covered by insurance. The silicone implants aren’t the same as the ones that killed women in the 90’s. I would NEVER have gotten a boob job, but here I am! :)

  64. Fabulous post that answers many questions so many of us wonder about the trials and thoughts that “sisters” have during such a challenge.

    • I’m sure it’s eye opening. It was for me!
      I have written about my journey since last May with the first Boob Report. I didn’t hold back, but faced all of it with humor! #GoSistas!
      Thanks so much for stopping by!
      Come back tomorrow with one of your links for a Blog Party! 6:00 Mtn. Time. :)

  65. This is great reading for me as a surgeon who does breast reconstructions! My patients refer to them as Foobs (fake boobs) :-) it is so heartening to see your sense of humour throughout your journey. Great blogs.

    • Thanks so much! Feel free to share the Boob Reports with your patients. I have 14 so far and have about 4 more to write. Eventually I will publish it, but I’m waiting for my one year mark at the end of May. :)

  66. Reblogged this on The Student Becomes The Teacher and commented:

  67. bhuttoaaqib

    he you no bit

  68. With a positive attitude like that, i’m sure you’ll have a breeze recovering, ms.susie! I’m sure your girls are happy to have you as their human too. My mom is like a bionic woman like yourself too! But in her case, she has titanium plates in her spine ;) #youCANcervive #girlpower

    • It’s a amazing what they can do these days! Send #Girlpower to your mom for me! :)
      I feel like I’m 100% now after the 7 months. Ironically, Freshly Pressed came one year to the day of my diagnosis! CRAZY!!!! What a difference a year makes. I was in hell last year at this time and now I’m On Top of the World!

      Stop back with a link to your blog tomorrow. I’m having a PARTY! Woohoo! It starts at 6:00 Mtn. Time. :)

  69. Great attitude towards life brings life and humour to this piece. Keep writing so that we can keep smiling.

    • Thanks Bishwarup!
      I am such an optimist. When I was first diagnosed, I wanted to scream and I did, but then I laughed when the idea of The Boob Reports popped into my head. Humor has a powerful healing ability. I tried to see the ridiculousness of my situation. Boobs can be pretty funny!
      Stop by again soon! I’m having a blog hop tomorrow!

  70. Reblogged this on adogbark and commented:
    Don’t take what’s fake

  71. Fate brought me to your blog. I’ve recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and I’m following you for the inspiration and information I need.

    • It’s a bummer, but you’ll get through it!!! :) Breast cancer isn’t the killer it used to be. There are a ton of survivors out there like myself.

      I’m so glad you found me! I am almost one year to the day of being diagnosed. I am all bionic and healthy now and you will be too!

      I’ve written 14 posts chronicling my journey. I hope it helps you!

  72. Reblogged this on kiki and commented:

  73. Reblogged this on Stop Talking To Me! and commented:
    Great post, great attitude.

  74. When the things that bring pleasure in life try to kill you…
    ok, that makes sense.

  75. Congrats on the Freshly Pressed, Susie! You’ve handled this whole situation with a panache that I admire. Carry on! :)

    • Great to “see” you DMS! It was a very nice surprise. Ironically, it came a year to day after being diagnosed. How crazy is that!!!!???
      Stop back on Monday. I’m having another blog party!
      Thanks so much and for all your Boob Support throughout the last year. :)

  76. Wow your story is really touching. Keep spirit, live the life !

  77. Those sounds like some useful boobs! I wish mine doubled up to keep me cool in the summer!

  78. We’re always with you, though i know how hard is to fight such crucial disease as my sister is suffering from the same. We’ll make you the best motivator around. prof Subin

    • Thanks for that Prof Subin!
      It’s all behind me now. I am sorry to hear about your sister. Feel free to share my Boob Reports. They will surely bring a smile to her face!

  79. The boobs may not be authentic, but you’re still 100% Susie! FP’ed again – You go, sister!

  80. Wow, you must be so strong! And I think the t-shirt is awesome! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! :D

    • Thanks Anthea!! I am an optimist like no other. I can look at the bright side of almost anything! It sure helped while going through this journey. :)
      Thanks for stopping by!

    • Thanks so much for stoping by!
      I am living proof that most women who get breast cancer, survive. It was important for me to go through it with a smile on my face and share my experience. I only felt sorry for myself in fleeting moments. Instead, I focused on the totally ridiculous funny parts chronicled in “The Boob Reports! “

  81. I’ve been a breast man but after reading your words, I am.. I loved our story! This too will pass…

    • Thanks for stopping and not “passing” me by!
      Yeah. Boobs are pretty funny. I will never look at another boob job and judge. You never know! I could make mine look more real with a fat transfer, but there can be complications and another long recovery period. So my really fake boobs will be fine!
      Nice to meet you! I hope you stop back again soon!

      • I like your words and your humor.. I will drop by and intact follow you.. I’m glad you wrote cancer out of your script and now your life script heads in another direction.. Sounds stupid I know.. Peace

        • It doesn’t sound stupid at all. That’s exactly what I did.
          Thanks for following! Stop by with a link on Monday for my Use Me and Abuse Me Blog Party and meet my friends!

          • I haven’t a clue what link means but thanks for taking the time to respond.. My blog is my second generation. My last blog got filled with energy vampires and I needed to shut it down.. This too will pass as they say

            • Dang Vampires!
              A link is your URL or the http:// that shows up at the top of your blog post. You just copy and paste it in the comment section and then click on a few. Stop back on Monday and you’ll see!

  82. Lighthearted and truthful.. I love it! This reminds me of my Aunt Beth before her reconstructive surgery … with an ear infection at Thanksgiving dinner… with her mastectomy boob on her ear for the warmth. haha

    • Your Aunt and I would get along great! :) Humor can keep us hurdling over any roadblock. And now my bionic boobs barely bounce!
      By the way, she must be really limber. I can’t get my ear down to my boob!

      • Ha! lol Well this was pre-reconstruction. She decided she would take out the fake breasts (you know the ones you get in waiting that slide into your bra).

        I think you could totally make a game out of the bionic boobs. Go on adventures… I mean, really challenge yourself! lol Drive a four wheeler over hard gravel. Ride a bull. Bungy-jump. :)

        Thank you for the morning laugh! This was too much fun. I’m glad you were freshly pressed. I am now a lifelong reader. :)

  83. LOVED reading this! You’re very funny :) And I totally adore the T-shirt <3

    • Thank you so much! My bionic boobs have given me endless comedic material!
      I am ordering the t-shirt and will have to do a follow up post after wearing it this summer. I would imagine it will get a few people laughing.
      I hope you stop by again soon. I’m having a blog hop on Monday!

  84. Great blog…. Funny and thought provoking!

  85. Reblogged this on morganshewrites and commented:
    I love this!!!

  86. uparekh

    you are right your letter is too good thanks for sharing


  87. uparekh

    thanks so much you are right for this letter but boobs is fake

  88. Hey Wild Rider! Just thought I’d stop by and catch up and so glad I did. This open letter format cracked me up. I had no idea they would keep you warm during ski season and improve your tennis game at the same time. Hmmm. Maybe when you come out to California you can try surfing. :) Ha! Nicely done chica. And that shirt is awesome. You should definitely take a picture with it.

    • I would love to go surfing with you! I wonder if my bionic boobs will work like life preservers…. :) I’m ordering a T-shirt today! I wonder if Cafe Press has seen a spike in sales.

  89. You are queen of the open letter. My sister says you’re right about the pop tarts that’s exactly what they do. She fixes some for her grandson when she babysits.

    • I’m not sure what you mean about the Pop Tart reference. I haven’t eaten one in years! :)

      • Susie, please forgive me for attributing to you something someone else wrote. I guess you were puzzled, as I often am at my missteps;-/
        I do admire your courage to share. So many in my family are suffering the ravages of cancer. My mom passed 36 years ago, the day after my birthday. I celebrate the victory of a recovery, especially when one is so young. My cousin is in the battle now, breast cancer. It touches all of us.

  90. Reblogged this on Meredith's Musings and commented:
    Style, humor, courage!

  91. Told you I ‘d be back! Love your voice/point of view.

  92. ++++++++++ 10 stars from me! I’ll be back.

  93. Eva

    Oh, wow. Your piece was wonderful, Susie. You rock your new boobies, woman! Haha. I love it!

  94. This was moving, in a non creepy way :P good on you for being strong!

  95. You’re a credit to our race, Susie. NOTHING can hold you back and I admire the hell out of you for that.
    Keep up the good work!

  96. My cousin just had breast cancer surgery. Reading this brought much needed lightheartedness to a worrisome situation. Thanks!

  97. Who knew bionic boobs needed day to day coralling? Nice post.

    • Thanks Neill! Corralling them helps me sleep at night. It was a weird feeling that would wake me up. I had also heard that these pockets, which are sewn underneath my chest wall, can stretch, so I figured, why not? I wear a cami anyway. I think I should start a clothing line with cute sport’s bras to wear to bed.

  98. Just brilliant and inspiring. Let me know how the Summer cool down via fridge works out!

    • Thanks Kingsley! I think we’ve worked out most of our disagreements, although the girls still disobey at night. I’ll let you know about the refrigeration unit transformation. I’ll have to do a follow up post in July. :)

  99. gabbyklove21

    haha good one

  100. I LOVE your open letter, Susie. You packed a whole lot of living, learning, and educating the rest of us along in this last year. Well done, you!!

    Have you thought about taking all the Boob reports and putting them together as a book? You do such a fabulous job with all these posts – absolute honesty in a positive and often humorous style. It would be great!!

    • Thanks so much Mary! Great to “see” you!
      I am planning to publish the Boob Reports, but have at least three or four left to write. I will rework all of them before making them a book. First, I have to get to my one year point!

  101. ‘You may work like refrigeration units!’

    – too funny! This is absolutely awesome!
    Love your attitude :)

  102. Great post! Funny and clever!

  103. Good for you, having been through an op for ovarian cancer, after many years of infertility treatment, a few years ago, I always say that the only thing that my ovaries gave me was cancer but I look on the bright side, I don’t have to shell out for tampons any more and I can wear white jeans without a care in the world! We have to see the bright side, don’t we? Loved your slant on the negatives….long live positivity.

    • I was born sunny side up while wearing rose colored glasses. I try to make the best of every situation. It sure makes the tough times a lot easier!
      Glad you’re a survivor too!
      Thanks for coming to the Wild Ride!
      Nice to “meet” you!

  104. Excellent post, worthy of the FP! Congrats! But then we,your old friends, knew for a long time that this is one of the most uplifting (pun intended, or not?) blogs in the univrse! Ride Strong, Wild One!

  105. Here by way of Guap. Um, my bionics are… different. And they’ll come out today. And they’re in my back, not my chest.

  106. You’re great Susie. That attitude. (Off to order a couple of those T-shirts for friends – just perfect)
    Roxy, keep that mommy hopping. You guys have a great Easter (Understand a huge influx of tourists headed to Denver…shut the gates now….We’ll sneak under the fence a bit later…will bring chocolate! No, not left over crushed bunnies..real chocolate)

  107. Pingback: This is not madness. THIS. IS. FOOLISHNESS!!! | Guapola

  108. I think because so many women opt for “cosmetic surgery” and flaunt their new breasts, it didn’t really occur to me that your surgery would result in feeling at odds with the changes. I just admire you so much for your openness. It really gives me a different perspective and I am glad to have a more honest view of what this has meant to you. I am confident that you are going to shift and change and form to be the new you and feel very confident with your beautiful form. And I think it would be great if they kept you cooler in the summer! Wouldn’t that be great? ox

    • I can only hope they transform into summer refrigeration units. :)
      Yeah, the girls look like a really bad boob job. Because they are shaped like hamburger buns, the stick straight out from my chest. Luckily, they continue to curve like buns and aren’t pointy or they could put someone’s eye out! Thanks! xo

  109. Wow, those bionic boobs–is there anything they can’t do? Keep you warm in the winter and cool in summer… put more power behind your tennis swing… and even allow for a nice display of cleavage, giving the fellas something to ogle.

    Congratulations on becoming friends with your fake new girls, and here’s hoping they continue to work well for you!

    • Thanks Brian! They’ve been such great guests, for the most part. I’m hoping to get used to their nightly wanderings, so I can go back to wearing a camisole. Maybe I could create a new fashion line with lacy sport’s bras for sleeping and call it, “Corral Your Cleavage” or “Train Your Tatas.”

  110. I’m happy you were able to get that off (or on) your chest. Good to see you and the girls are . . bonding. And tennis, I played last weekend and it felt like I had been released from a Russian Gulag….beautiful.
    Good stuff, Colorado.

    • Thanks so much Cayman!
      The girls were “with me” on this one. We’re getting there.

      Your tennis sounds great! Are you playing USTA? I took this season off and will only play recreationally. I have too many projects which is good. I hope to get out there next week sometime… :)

  111. Love this open letter. That T-shirt is too perfect for words. As long as we have a positive attitude like yours, we will beat cancer. Thanks so much!

  112. Your prose outweighs the cons! (not 2 typos)

  113. “I plan to open the freezer door in the grocery store to cool you down before hitting the hot asphalt parking lot. ” Ha! You may have hit on a great new product there, Susie. Freezable bra inserts for those really, REALLY hot days.

    Congratulations to you and your boobs. I’m so glad you found one another.

    • Hahaha! We did find each other and ne’er will we part.
      I bet you can find those freezer inserts being developed somewhere in China! Maybe we’ll see it on Shark Tank! :)

      • First time checking the FPd page in weeks and someone I knew! I recognized your name from my sister Peg’s blog and Darla’s. This is so timely and so well said!

        Your positive, humorous take on such a scary illness mirrors my cousin Moe’s positive attitude. I’m going to buy her this fabulous T-Shirt ’cause she’ll love it.

        Maureen, aka Moe, is now battling stage 4 BC after defeating “c” years ago. She continues to radiate love, joy, and a peace that inspires me.

        Congrats on being FPd. Very well deserved. Enjoy the ride :)

  114. I couldn’t have written a better letter myself, Susie. Except mine don’t keep me warm, they are always cold!

  115. Brilliant, Susie! Absolutely love it! And the t-shirt is perfect!

    Hugs from Ecuador,

  116. It sounds like they’ve been pretty good guests over all…they don’t eat all your food, drink all your wine and “forget” to make the bed….so far…so good, I’d say!

  117. Let me know if they write back. I might as them to guest blog for me… :)

  118. Awesome letter to your girls! :)

  119. Oh My Goodness – You are such a HOOT Sweetie:) You could say your BB’s are along for the Wild Ride – could not resist – sorry! I love your inspiration and positive ‘tude:) Here’s to LOVING Your Whole Being!!!

    • Thanks Renee! The BB’s are hanging in there for the duration!!! I agree about accepting yourself. For some reason, I’ve never been bothered by these nipple-less alien-looking boobs!

  120. Nice letter. Let me know if you get a response.

    And bras aren’t so bad. Some of them are rather pretty. I love the tank top. I might wear one even though I’ve got my originals. Maybe then someone will even bother to look at my chest.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • Hahaha! Patricia, you crack me up. I’ll let you know if the girls write a response. They would have to be pretty dexterous!
      I don’t mind wearing a bra either. It sure beats freaking out. If it keeps me from having more surgery, it’s worth it!
      Thank you!

  121. You should go back to the doctor and see if he can install LEDs in them.
    You know, for special occasions, like Halloween, the 4th of July, Arbor Day…

    Glad it’s all working out well, and you’re still being a voice for cancer!

    • Thanks Guapo!
      I have a few more Boob Reports to write. Someday, I’ll publish the book!
      Love the LED idea! I could participate in the Naked Pumpkin Run and light everyone’s way…

  122. Susie, you rock not only my world but THE WORLD

  123. Sounds like this threesome is coming along quite nicely! :D

  124. Long may you stand together as bosom buddies! Keep doing your exercises and they will get more natural looking as they spend more time with you. Kudos on a great piece!

  125. What a great letter, Susie. I’m glad you and your new girls are getting along. Sure, there will be some bumps along the road and growing pains, but what friendship is perfect? At least you made a brave choice and added two new Wild Riders to your posse.

  126. Oh, this is SO shared! Bravo! to you and to “the girls.”

  127. CW Susie! Dug the vest too!

  128. I’m glad you got that off your chest with your usual eloquent candor, Susie. Viva la recovery (that’s all I have left from five years of French lessons aside from non-applicable “merde”)!

  129. This is an excellent way of informing us what it’s like with reconstructed boobs. Interesting to know the pros and cons. Love the tee shirt.

    • Well, it’s been my experience anyway! I have never regretted my decision. Looking down while laying on my back one night, really showed me what flat chested would look like. I thought I’d stretched out the side pockets!!!

      Flat chested can be beautiful too. I’ve heard some women build up the pectoral muscles and that’s good enough!
      Thanks so much! The t-shirt is fantastic!

  130. Susie, I am always so touched by your honesty and your willingness to share the reality (both good and bad) of your experience with breast cancer. I have learned so much from reading your posts this past year. Everything in life is an education and we can only hope to meet people who will help us see beyond our initial judgments and prejudices to view situations in a new way. I remember mentioning to you this past summer when we met in Boulder that after reading your posts and going through this journey with you, I do not judge women with fake boobs anymore. Instead, I wonder, ‘what did they have to go through to get those boobs?’ Thank you for opening up my eyes to this. I’m sure there are many many women out there who have opted for reconstructive surgery not because they wanted to catch a man or feel better about their bodies, but because they lost their real breasts to cancer. I know now that that is not an easy journey, both physically and emotionally. I hope your new boobs get easier to get used to over the coming months and I’m glad they’re improving your tennis game. :)

    • Hey Sophie!!
      Great to “see” you! Thanks so much for the bosom buddy support!
      It was an eye opening experience for me too! I agree about life and education and I keep on learning. I just bought a new swim suit and they really look fake! Hahaha! I should have it printed across the bustline…

    • Thanks Catherine!
      I am planning on buying one! Someone posted it on my FB wall a couple of months ago. I scrolled through my pages but couldn’t find who it was. I’d love to give them credit!

  131. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!!!!!! Fantastic letter to the girls, Susie!!! This needs to be shared PRONTO!! :) :)

  132. What a great perspective. I hope you and the girls have a long and healthy life together!

  133. I love your raw honesty and your wit! I’m sure you’ll get used to the girls and they will become part of you soon. <3
    Diana xo

  134. That was a fun piece! Love the T-shirt.

  135. Susie, your girls are not real, but you are so real and genuine. I admire you so much! Keep on rocking’ it. ;)

  136. Awesome shirt! I appreciate your openness about the changes in your body and your positive outlook! You are amazing! Much love as you continue to adjust! <3

  137. Sounding rather sexy to me, I must say….

  138. Love the shirt too! They keep you warm? I had no idea.. The one thing they do is keep you alive and for that my friend I am eternally happy.. really happy.!

  139. So nice to hear things are working. I am so glad.

  140. Love the shirt. They’re fake and you’re spectacular!

  141. Thanks Susie – love you and your writing and this is informative as well as funny. So sorry you are going thru this discomfort. My mother had mastectomy 30 yrs ago and I just found a lump in my left breast. I have irregular mammograms but have made apptmt for one next month just in case. I am not particularly worried (trying not to be!) but your attitude is an inspiration. Julie xxx

  142. fabulously uplifting :) a truly anti-deflation-al, motivation-al, note to self. an inspired suggestion from your friend and one I think we should all consider doing as a lift gift to ourselves.

  143. Your T-shirt is awesome. I would wear that all the time. You and your boobs seem to be getting to know each other quite well and I am sure you will work out all the little idiosyncrasies of living together. I guess it is like when we are kids and first get our boobs. Some things we do better…others not so much. We adjust. So do they.

    • Exactly! It is like that. Since they’re different, I am self conscious sometimes just like when I got them the first time around! I’m sure that over time we’ll be great gal pals!

  144. Sounds like you and the girls are getting along more and more each day. Love that t-shirt. Reminds me of a recent stand-up I saw of Tig Notaro and she talked about how one day her boobs got together decided they wanted to kill her.

    • I saw Tig here in Boulder. It was the worst stand up I’ve ever witnessed. For 20 minutes at the end of the show, she talked about how it was the end so it was time to give her a standing ovation. She walked off the stage and then say, “Not yet.” I was so disappointed since she’s the one who inspired me to write the Boob Reports. Maybe I should do stand up! I have a lot of material!
      Thanks Darla and for the continued Boob support!

      • Interesting. I saw a few minutes of her stand-up on I think it was Conan O’Brien and the audience didn’t respond well to her. That was the only time I’ve seen her. I think you could do MUCH better.

        • I think she relied too much on her quirkiness and not enough on practiced jokes. It was a complete flop.
          Stand up would be a riot to try! Thanks Darla!
          We saw Seth Meyers and he did not let up. He fired one joke and funny story after another. My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard! If you ever get the chance to see him, go for it!

  145. Susie… Kudos to you for opting for “restructuring” your female shape after the op! I am sure your new (no pun intended) flat mates will continue to grow on you. All the best!! Love your blog xx

    • Thanks so much new friend. Flat mates! Perfect! They are weird, but I can’t imagine being flat chested. I’m sure we’ll get used to the living arrangements over time! :)

  146. Hey Susie, Re fat transfer. That will happen naturally I think and it will be your own. I know this from experience. My young ones sucked the life out of them(breast feeding) By the time I was 35 my old pals were back. And now, I guess I resemble a geriatric pin up. ;)

    Be well my friend.

    • You go girl!
      I wondered about that. I did gain a few pounds, but none of it went to my boobs, (of course), so I’ve been working on losing it again. Maybe over time they’ll look more natural. :) Thanks Talia!

      • I also read your other article about sex in later life. Might be the extra cushioning. I really don’t care about the wrinkles or the sag. It all boils down to eye contact and lots of kisses in between the oohs and aahs. ;)

        • I don’t know. It’s pretty crazy different. I think it may have something to do with menopause. I was thrown into it by Tamoxifen, which replicates estrogen to blow up cancer. Anyway, I’m not complaining! :)
          Thanks Talia!

  147. Buckaroo Banzai said, “Wherever you go, there you are.” Congrats on being here, Sooz.

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