Becoming New and Improved Bionically in 2015

This photo was taken in Jackson Hole, Wyoming my senior year in college. Yep. That’s me with the bota bag. Remember those? My friend and I stayed with ski bums who worked on the mountain as ski hosts. Little did I know drinking while skiing could be a very bad idea. I would face surgery becoming even more bionic thirty years later.

Mistakes were made Jackson Hole

I thought my hairstyle was a good idea because… Continue reading

An Open Letter From My Boobs

Dear Susie Lindau,

For thirteen months, we’ve hung out in our new residence behind your pectoral muscles. It has taken us a while to get used to the cramped quarters, but we are adjusting. We understand you are trying to make us feel at home. Although, we totally appreciate the effort, sometimes, you freak us out.

First of all, why do you grab us every time you tell someone about your double boobectomy? The shock alone turns our silicone hearts to ice. One minute we’re chillin’ while you’re yammering on with a friend, an acquaintance, or some random person you just met. Then you snatch us in fists so tight, well, it’s disturbing. We understand you like to talk with your hands, but quit feeling us up.

grabbing my boobs

You are pretty insensitive. We are adopted. We know you miss your old boobs. We will never replace them, but we’re doing our best. Could you at least stop complaining about how weird we feel? You’ve been told the odd feeling will go away. We were there. Remember? Continue reading

An Open Letter to My Boobs

Dear Bionic Boobs,

I know you’ve been adjusting to your new digs since the reconstruction surgery seven months ago. I’ve protected you from wild elbows, supported you with a bra, and exercised you by smooshing you girls together. (Doctor’s orders.) You seem happy enough and pretty perky.

I do have some concerns.

One night, I looked down and you had wandered off to the sides of my chest. You left four inches between you two. I almost had a heart attack. I thought I’d torn something while vacuuming.  As you know, I’ve started wearing a sport’s bra to bed to corral you at night, so I don’t wake up and freak out.  I wish you girls would stick together.

Although you’re shaped like hamburger buns and aren’t huge by any means, you weigh more than my old boobs. In fact, you’re a little on the hefty side. The doctor suggested some exercises to build muscles in my back to keep from hunching over.

I thought I’d never need to wear a bra again, but apparently some of your sisters have sagged. I’ve been instructed to wear one when I’m active. Bummer. You’re a little wrinkly when you’re just hanging out, but I refuse to get a fat transfer. You’ll have to get used to that.

You look totally fake and I’m sure some people will stare and roll their eyes this summer. They’ll think I had a boob job. I can always wear this t-shirt. Continue reading

A bad cold is just like this…

We’re all in denial when experiencing the first sneeze. We’re still feeling great.

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We go about our day and brush off that first little tickle in our throats.

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Then we notice something just isn’t right.

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Drinking coffee doesn’t snap us out of it. Continue reading

The Boob Report – Tits for Tats

I’ve never been a tattoo girl. My uncles and grandfather had their arms tattooed while serving in the military. From a distance some give the appearance of a horrible wound. On closer inspection, the bloody scar transforms into a huge red rose, an eagle or a cobra. I warned my children not to get them since they’re difficult to remove and they’d look like members of a motorcycle gang.

When I received the call to come back for testing after a routine mammogram, I knew I was in for a Wild Ride. I’ve always faced adversity with a plan. That first day, I came up with the idea of writing the Boob Report. I would never post, “Poor me. I have cancer,” stories. That’s not how I felt and I didn’t want to ruin my humor brand just because I had some major crap to go through.

Continue reading

The Boob Report – Waiting for Release

I want to go outside and play

Do you remember being grounded? You pressed your nose against the window and watched your neighborhood friends play. Time slowed. I’ve been out for seven months. My clock is full of spider webs and the windows need washing.

Looking back, much of it’s a blur. I can’t believe it’s November! I’m so far out of the loop, I’m orbiting another galaxy. Much of my social life revolves around tennis. Being sidelined since April has been isolating. Instead of organizing social events, I’ve focused on my health and writing since my double mastectomy in May. I’ve heard from a few people, but most have been sucked into the vortex of their own fast-paced lives. Mine has rolled along at the speed of a snail.

I’ve counted the weeks. At eight after my last reconstructive surgery, my doctor released me to running and biking. My first ride lasted ten minutes. I came in the door soaking wet and out of breath. A few days later, I ran (alternating between shuffling and walking), with Roxy. She walked alongside me with 4 inch legs! Yep. I started out slow. Continue reading

Show Me Your ‘Stache!

kellyandleksy

My son Kelly and his girlfriend Leksy sporting their ‘staches.

It’s No Shave November or Movember, a month of growing facial hair to bring awareness to prostate cancer. Want to join me in donning a ‘stache and doing a little blog hop? While having some fun, we can get the word out about a disease that can be hard for a lot of men to talk about.

This cancer is very common among men and very treatable. According to the American Cancer Society, there are over 2 million survivors. I have a couple of friends that are being treated for it right now. Like breast cancer, it is all about early detection.

Rockin the staches for Movember

Post a picture rockin’ your No Shave November mustache, beard, or full-on facial fur on your blog and paste the link back here in this comment section. I will add it to the bottom of this post.

I will keep a photo on the side of my blog to click on. You can check back and click to see who’s added their ‘staches to the list!

Remember to include a link to a donation site.

Donations can be made to No Shave November at Cancer.org.

I can’t wait to see your photos!

Spread the word on Facebook and Twitter. The more facial hair photos, the better. It will be a WILD month!

Have you noticed that men are getting harrier this month?

Here are some fabulous ‘stache posts to check out!

We need some women to balance the list out!

JWo from Life of JWo

John Howell from Fiction Favorites

Waldo “Wally” Tomosky from As I wandered

Andy from Our Life in 3D

Charles Williams at Fingerprints

Maria at Swimming to My 50’s

Kassandra Lamb from Mysterio Press

Ginger Fight Back

Prostate Cancer

American Cancer Society – Prostate Cancer

Movember – Wikipedia