Tag Archives: satire

Boycott the Madness

Back in the day, the Friday after Thanksgiving was the traditional kick-off for holiday shopping. After perusing the advertisements in the morning, we would devise a plan for the next day. Then we would enjoy time with our family by watching the Macy’s parade, football games, indulging in delicious food, giving thanks and then relaxing. I am not sure if it was the recession or someone’s complete and utter craziness, but retailers have opened their doors earlier and earlier, slowly creeping into the wee hours of the morning until it was MIDNIGHT.

But this year, they have done the unthinkable. The doors will open at Target, Toys R Us, Sears, and Walmart at 8:00 and 9:00 ON THANKSGIVING NIGHT! The ads will fill the newspaper on Thanksgiving morning, enticing consumers to abandon their evening by offering rock bottom prices on a few items.

This is just sick and wrong people! It is a national holiday. That is supposed to mean a day of rest for ALL Americans. But no! Think of those who are scheduled to work. They have to leave their homes with dinner not fully digested. Think of the people that need to save $20 on a digital camera, a particular toy, or blender. They will leave half their pumpkin pie on their plate as they grab their keys and dash for the car.

Consumerism will consume the best part of our family day. You know, that vegetative state we all enjoy when filled with tryptophan from the turkey.

We must take a stand! Yes take a stand to sit or lay down this Thanksgiving. Yes! Sit and eat and watch television like true Americans and then shop on Friday.

This puts even more pressure on small businesses so remember to shop at the independent retail stores that can’t compete. Thank them for opening their doors at a reasonable hour.

Will you join The Madness or take a stand with me?

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Rocky Mountain High

Along with the re-election of our President, Coloradans legalized marijuana. What does that mean? It is now legal to grow six plants in homes across the state. Adults over the age of 21 will be able to purchase an ounce from regulated retail stores, but publicly rolling a joint won’t be tolerated inside or outside.

I am sure that early revelers will be out and about smoking a bowl in celebration, but the amendment won’t be certified for up to two months according to the Boulder Daily Camera.

Personally, my lungs can’t handle cigarette smoke and I detest the stinky smell of weed, so I won’t be partying down.

Remember the characters Cheech and Chong? They were popular when I was in college. I can just imagine a conversation between the two of them. Continue reading

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Oh No! It Happened Overnight

As I sat on the examining table with a tennis injury to my left hamstring, the nurse practitioner diagnosed a list of other problems with my body. And then it hit me right between my headlights. After gaining a bit of mileage, I have become a high maintenance vehicle.

It was as if I had been transported to an auto repair shop for an oil change and was informed that I needed major overhaul!

Reason for service:

Blown tire – torn hamstring.

Recommended service – 4 weeks of physical therapy.

5 point inspection at physical therapy: Continue reading

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I Am So Hot!

Colorado gets around 300 sunny days a year and this summer could be a scorcher. After skipping springtime we have leapt into mid-July weather. Boulder is one mile high in elevation and with the altitude comes thinner and drier air. It can be a very good thing (my hair and humidity hate on each other), until it gets hot and by hot I mean blast furnace heat. I don’t mind working up a sweat, but man, playing tennis in 100 degree blistering heat can be miserable.

So hot….

I try to ignore the threat of being literally cooked on the courts by looking on the bright side. That is what I do best.

Here is my top ten list of reasons why I love playing tennis under the sizzling summer sun when it hits 100 degrees. Continue reading

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WARNING: Blogging May Cause Side Effects

It’s been one year since I started blogging and there have been some noticeable behavioral changes in my life.

I live like a college kid.

I stay up late writing a new post much like I wrote term papers and then wake at dawn to turn it in blog it since I live in the Mountain Time Zone and many of my friends live on the East Coast. Then I jump on my reader to catch up with my cyber friends. I power through the day fueled by coffee and sheer adrenaline. And when it’s time to party, I get down with the best of them!

My pant’s pocket is worn out.

Because I never know what blog fodder may arise during the course of my day, I always carry my camera. It has stretched out the pocket of my favorite jeans, but I am willing to sacrifice more than that for a story.

I have no shame.

I used to keep my humiliating stories on the down low, but with all the silly things that happen to me, I will never run out of subject matter.  Everyone laughed at with me when I shared my most mortifying moments, my recent ant infestation, and when admitting that my attempts at humor often get the response of nothing but crickets. Continue reading

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How I Became a Mass Murderer

When I was a little girl, ants mesmerized me. While outside in the hot summer sun, I watched as they carried crumbs, leaves, and small twigs back to their coffee ground-like hills. I imagined the tunnels underneath like catacombs spread out under the crack in the sidewalk. Okay. We didn’t have cable.

Flash forward about a hundred years. A colony of large aggressive red ants moved into our back patio just after we installed an arbor. I had always loved these interesting little creatures while admiring their determination and strength. The movie Antz became one of my favorites when my kids were little. All it took was one nasty bite and the lovefest was over. Continue reading

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Telltale Signs that You Need a Break…

This is my 101st post and it’s already April. When the notification and the gold star accompanying my 100th popped up on my screen, I thought, “Wow! It seems like November was just yesterday. I have been writing since last May. I should go outside.”

Blogging has become an integral part of my life and sometimes I forget to take a break. Breaks are important. They keep you sane. Sanity is good.

Here are some warning signs that you may be spending too many hours in front of your computer.

It’s time to take a break:

When you get up from your chair and your body refuses to unfold into an upright position. Continue reading

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Nothing But the Sound of Crickets

Striking up conversation with random people is something I love to do especially when I am running errands. It makes a boring trip to the store much more pleasurable. Sometimes I throw in a bit of humor to add levity to an otherwise mundane situation. I think it surprises some folks so much, that it renders them dumbfounded.  While staring at the shopper/salesperson/bagger with a silly smile on my face, I wait for a reaction.

I have come up with an excuse for their blank dull stare after my feeble attempts to make someone smile. I just assume that they don’t speak English. If they respond by sighing while  giving me an eye roll, that’s when I want to channel Foghorn Leghorn. He’d say, “That’s a joke son. Now look at me when I’m talkin’ to yah.”

Sarcasm is a sort of humor that is a form of teasing. It is often followed by the words, “Just kidding!” In Wisconsin, my friends and I were raised on a steady diet of this type of comedy along with cheese curds and corn on the cob. Continue reading

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Shhh! Don’t Tell Anyone!

Do you remember the last time someone said to you, “Don’t tell anybody, but…”

I would be willing to bet that if you were hooked up to a monitor, your heart rate increased along with your blood pressure.

I bet that you leaned in a little and your voice got lower in pitch and you began speaking in a hushed tone.

I bet that your eyes looked away if you were in a crowd to make sure that without even knowing what top secret information would be passed along, you wanted to be sure that no one else could hear.

I would even be willing to bet that if the person said, “oh, never mind,” that your curiosity would be peaked and you would be very disappointed and frustrated. You might even say, “You can tell me. I can keep a secret.” Continue reading

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My Inexplicable Idiosyncrasies

Do you have some ridiculous habits that no matter how hard you try to break, you just can’t? You are not alone. My list is long and time is short so I have gathered my top ten. They are in no particular order. Continue reading

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