A Very Strange Appointment or Where is My Crown?

I recently went to my annual dental check-up. Yes, annual and not 6 month since I rarely have a problem with my teeth. When I was young, I looked forward to the cherry flavored polish and a whiter smile. If you have been following my blog, you know that nothing in my life seems to follow the usual routine and this appointment was no exception.

After signing in with the receptionist, I met the doctor who would be inspecting my pearly whites. I had scrubbed them with baking soda back in the day and had abraded the top of a tooth where it attached to my gum. I would be getting the groove bonded and a cavity filled.

After settling into the comfy recliner, the dental hygienist came in and said, “We’ll need to match the bonding agent with your tooth.”

My blood ran cold. “I guess I should have bleached them before coming in.”

“Oh don’t worry about it. You teeth look whiter than most of our patients.” I thought of all those cigarette smokers and people with rotted teeth they probably see. I considered bolting out of there, but it was too late. The doctor came in.

After introducing herself she said, “Well, let’s see what you picked out for a match. Hmm… In the realm of all colors, this looks pretty good.”

“Pretty good or really good?” I asked.

“I think you’ll be happy with it. In the realm of all my dentistry…..” And she just faded off.

“Realm?” I thought, “What’s up with realm? Maybe she was trying to make a joke.”

“I’ve only had one other small filling in my life so I don’t remember the procedure.”

“Are you kidding? That is fantastic. In the realm of dentistry, that is almost unheard of. Good for you.”

“Three times! She has said the word “realm” three times in as many minutes!”

Once they got started, she got out the hypodermic needle to numb my gum. “In the realm of all pain, you will feel a prick, but do your best to stay still since it will have to stay in your gum for a while.”

“Was this a contest? That would be four freakin’ realms!”

I felt the needle go in and for the first time understood why some avoided dentists like the plague.

“This is going to work like a little jack hammer. It’s going to dig out the decayed tooth matter.” She said this behind a mask. As I inhaled the powder now clouding my vision once in the form of a tooth, I wondered how healthy this was for my realm.

“In the realm of all tooth decay, this is a really small one.”

Has she said the word realm 5 or 6 times? By then I had lost count.

After they were all done caulking and patching, I got up to leave.

I was dying to know if she was saying the word on a dare, if it was some kind of game, or if realm was her word for the day. I started to ask, but a strand of drool started to slop out of the corner of frozen mouth and I couldn’t put the words together.

“In the realm of all my clients, it was really great meeting you today,” she said with a gorgeous smile.

“Abwa , lawba wah,” was all I could get out.

I will try to remember to ask about her realm during next year’s appointment.

When it became apparent that you were in a situation that seemed out of the ordinary, did you ask about it?

Does the photo bring back any horrid dental memories?

Silly family photo by Susie Lindau

91 thoughts on “A Very Strange Appointment or Where is My Crown?

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  1. I have actually had really good experiences with the different dentists that I’ve seen over the years. Of course my parents were super picky and very lucky. My current dentist is awesome.

    In the realm of blogging, this is tops! LOL Thanks for sharing.


    1. Thanks! I just couldn’t believe it. She wasn’t my regular dentist who I love, nor was the hygienist. Do you think they snuck in the back door??? Hahaha! Wouldn’t that be something….


  2. Well. in the realm of my experience, I think your dentist is a bit nutty! I would’ve been cracking up the whole time. How did you not laugh with their hands in your mouth? That pic reminds me of when I was a kid, but I have an awesome dentist now that I look forward to seeing.

    Best of luck when you go back. I hope to see a follow up post!


    1. I would love to get to the bottom of it, but I have resisted calling the receptionist who was our neighbor at one time. She wasn’t there that day or I would have said something for sure!
      Thanks Tameri!


  3. For a long time my FIL was my dentist. He was fabulous. It’s been hard to find anyone like him. He was the old-fashioned dentist. He did everything, and he took his time.

    Wow. That sounds naughty. But he was a great dentist. 😉


  4. 2 different cops pulled over to ask me if I saw a guy running today and I answered both times without wondering “why?” until afterwards. It was the basis of my post today.

    I laughed throughout this post. It kept reminding me of Super Troopers. How do you like your dentist meow?


    1. That is crazy! They often have two prices. One for insurance and one for those who pay in full. Then we wonder why our insurance premiums are sky high!
      Thanks Carl!


  5. The boys’ new pediatrician does the same thing, only with “not-for-nothing”, to the point where the boys started giggling everytime he’d say it. By the time we got how out of that room he must must have thought we were nuts!

    Maybe your dentist is a gamer? ;P


  6. Perhaps (and I am being facetious here) she is substituting the word ‘Realm’ for another word, much like the word ‘Cuss’ was used in place of an actual curse word in the movie: ‘The Fantastic Mr. Fox.’


  7. That is hilarious!!! I really, really hope it was some sort of inside joke, otherwise it’s just plain disturbing (as if going to the dentist wasn’t disturbing enough…)!

    A needle to the gums is the devil’s work.


  8. Sadly, my mouth is a Dental Disney Land. On one of the million occasions when I was in the room waiting, a person in a BUMBLE BEE outfit appeared at the window. It was pressed against the window waving. I was laughing so hard the staff came running in (thinking I was having a meltdown) and I was, oh yes indeed, pointing at the EMPTY window swearing to God that the BEE was out there…my dentist (whom I love) did send a staff member outside to find the BEE. It was a prop for a new dry cleaning co. called ZZZZIP. Realm of insanity to say the least.
    PS. You have an obligation to ask about the over usage of the word…lol


  9. Thanks for sharing, Susie. I had been thinking about scheduling an appointment since it had been quite a while since my last cleaning. Now I think I’ll wait…just too busy at the moment…I promise to get right on it, however…



  10. I had an out of the ordinary experience just today actually. I was buying a new phone in Argos when I spotted a group of men with cameras. As in actual film cameras. They didn’t seem to be filming anything, and I doubt the cameras were on sale, so naturally I wondered what they were doing there. When the time came to collect my phone I was tempted to ask, but I didn’t. Of course, I was more tempted to start dancing in front of the cameras.

    Of course, I was even more tempted to start stripping.

    PS: Have you ever seen ,em>The Dentist, starring Corbin Bernsen? If not, you probably shouldn’t.


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