Mary had brushed off her mother’s warning about the shortcut through the woods. Footsteps crunched in the snow behind her. She had been stalked.
He grabbed her by the arm. “Gotcha! I’ll give you a head start, little girl. Ready? GO!”
She bolted from the shabbily dressed man. Rounding the corner of the old mill, its blades dashed through the frigid water in the cold evening air. Then she passed a stand of evergreens. Snow covered needles fell in her wake. She slid down the embankment onto the ice-covered lake. After reaching the middle, she stopped to catch her breath. He closed the gap behind her.
“Gotcha!”
Cold fingers grasped her slender neck. With a loud crack, the icy surface opened up. Mary fell forward. He fell in.
“Help! Please help me!” He cried as he splashed around in the icy water.
She crept on her hands and knees away from him, careful not to break through and then began to sob.
Soon all she heard was the whisper of the wind.
She glanced down and screamed. He stared at her with pleading eyes while clawing at the ice beneath her. Then he slid away trapped inside the frozen tomb.
Have you ever skated on thin ice literally or metaphorically?
The photo prompt is by Lora Mitchell.
For another one of my twisted tales, click here.
You are welcome to leave the link to your flash fiction in my comment section even if you used a different photo.
Great story Susie! I can’t seem to frame this one, though. I picture Mary on the ice with her grandfather, I also picture her on the ice with a serial killer! Perhaps you explained it somewhere in the comments section, but I purposely avoided it in the event that you did. I thrive on ambiguity! 🙂
Thoroughtly enjoyed it!
John
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It is sometimes hard to project the tone. I thought that mentioning “little girl” in a derogatory way would set it up as well as “his icy fingers around her slender neck”…Are you avoiding horror today John?? Not me. I dive right in! 🙂 Thanks and have a splendid weekend in the Colorado sunshine!
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Perhaps, but seeing as Halloween is right around the corner, I won’t be avoiding it for long! You’ll definitely notice a theme in my upcoming stories! 🙂
You enjoy that sunshine too! We’re pretty lucky, eh?
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I love this time of year and writing scary stories are my favorite!
I look forward to reading yours!
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I’m vewwwwwwy careful with the real thing. Have I ever been on the metaphorical kind? Well, I’ve been in deep ****. 😉
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But you survived to tell the tale and that’s what counts!
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nicely told, full of loss.
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Thanks for reading. It was a scary one….
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Chilling! But, that’s where you were headed. You are so talented. 🙂
I hate thin ice and I lived near a pond and skated, a lot.
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Thanks so much Lilie! That is so nice of you to say!
The last time I was in Wisconsin, I saw ice fishermen not too far from open water…
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He got what he deserved. Well told, Susie.
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Thanks Adam. It’s fun to control the endings especially where justice is concerned…
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Love the story, love the imagery. Great writing. (I’m a follower of Lame Adventures.)
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Thanks Samantha! I am so glad you found me through her. She really cracks me up!
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Would that be READING on thin ice? (OK, couldn’t resist that one.)
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Hahaha! That’s for sure!
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Full of suspense! I’m glad she had the forethought to go out there.
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I had to find a way to stop him and so did she! I find that as I write these stories, they become riddles that I have to solve.
Thanks Madison.
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Definitely a chilling tale. And bad guys better think that resourceful girls may not turn out to be such easy prey. Very well told.
Mine’s over here http://anneorchardwriter.wordpress.com/2012/09/21/friday-fictioneers-partys-over/
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Thank you Anne! I didn’t want anyone to rescue her, but wanted to give the impression that she thought it through before running out there…
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Chilling! Mary was one lucky girl.
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She was! But I think she may have thought there may be a chance that he wouldn’t make it across the lake. When I was growing up, the lakes we skated on were spring fed and every winter someone broke through….
Thanks Rochelle!
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Very suspenseful and I absolutely love the ending. I fell through the ice as a kid and a stranger helped me out, never put skates on again.
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Oh my gosh! I bet that stranger will never forget that he saved you nor will you forget him. I don’t blame you for not skating again.
Thanks so much!
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Another piece of superb work. You are on a roll.
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Thanks CC! I appreciate that!
I am really enjoying the descriptions in your book! It is hot!
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Oooooh! I literally got chills! You’ve done it again. Skills, my lady. You’ve got them. 😀
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Lame Adventures sent me over. Wow. Amazing flash. Great post! 🙂
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From murderer to ice cube…that’s instant karma.
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Don’t you just LOVE controlling life in our own little fictional worlds??? Hahaha! I mean, Muahahahaha!
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This gives me chills. Skating on thin ice seems to be a (figurative) way of life lately. Though, I have to say, it’s worked out nicely in Mary’s favour! 🙂
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It sure did! Somehow when I began writing it, I knew she would “come out on top.” (pun intended… 🙂 )
Thanks Alarna!
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Eeeek!! You’ve totally freaked me out with this one!! It was frightening enough until I got to that last image!! Wow… this should be a scene in a movie or something!! Well done!!
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Isn’t there already some such scene in the movie of Stephen King’s “The Dead Zone”?
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Probably. It is not a new idea since people break through the ice every year.
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Thank you Barbara! While growing up in the land of ice and snow, it was one of my fears as a youngster. My parents always warned me about skating on thin ice. In this case, it’s what saved her! Yay!
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Smart girl. She listened to her intuition/instincts/small voice inside of her … warning her this was a dangerous man. During grammar school, taking a short cut home, I fell through some ice, waste deep. School mates saved me. I get reminded at every school reunion.
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That must have been so scary! How ironic is my story. Waste deep without sure footing could have been fatal. Thank God you had friends with you!
Sounds like a story to blog about sometime…
Thanks Lora!
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Great writing Susie, you had me wondering right to the end about what was going to happen!
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Thanks so much Ellie!
I didn’t know either until the end! I had always thought about the horror of what it would be like to break through the ice and see those above while the current sweeps you away….a pretty terrible way to die.
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Oh, I like this one! Dark and twisted… very well done… especially the ending… “then he slid away inside the icy tomb.” Such cold finality.
Excellent wordcraft, Susie!
Tina swears my middle name is ‘thin ice’. It’s probably a good thing I skate so well! Lol!!
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I have “skated away” too! Hahaha! Thanks so much. I appreciate your kind compliment!
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The wrong turn and wrong occurring moment could leave the wrong memories for a life time… at least she got away 😉
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She did…. I had a moment thinking of how she could get away and then I thought – ice!!! I love how we writers can conjure up whatever we want!
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Haha… yes, at any given moment!
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