The Boob Report – Buns Up!

My boobs are fully bionic. This was the last surgery in the double mastectomy and reconstructive process. The swap was made by reopening my scars, deflating the expanders, rolling them up like cigars and slipping them out.

Expander

The deflated expander’s front and back, showing the blue magnetic area where saline is filled with a needle. 

Breast implant

The bait and switch. This is the example, but the actual implant is round.

Replaced with soft silicone, my halogen high beams became hamburger buns. I could see why my doctor wanted me to do the fat transfer. It looks as though they are in a push up bra while defying gravity.

Bra size in buns

Bra size in buns. My boobs resemble the B cup, I mean bun.

I asked my reconstructive surgeon about it in a follow-up appointment a week later.

“What’s up with these hamburger bun-like boobs? Will they change over time and gravity?”

“No.”

“Wait. I thought they would sag a little after the surgery.”

“They will stay the way they are.”

I let out a heavy sigh.

“You can still get a fat transfer to fill in above to smooth out the transition.”

“No. I can live with the hamburger buns,” then I thought to myself, “At least I won’t need to wear a bra.”

He examined my breasts and said, “I would like you to wear a bra for the next 4 months. I opened up the stitches under one of your breasts. The underwire will give it support and keep them even.”

I groaned imagining the underwire pressing on my sore stitches beneath my skin.

“And I would like you to do an exercise to keep them from sliding to the sides of your body.” He took both breasts in his hands. “Push them together at a right angle for a count of ten. Do this exercise ten times, twice a day.”

I rolled my eyes.

“When can I go back to my normal life?”

“Usually patients can start easing into things after three weeks, but I know you. You have to wait until four weeks. In the meantime, no repetitive motion, pushing or pulling.”

“What? Come on.”

My husband Danny laughed.

“What about tennis?”

“I would wait a couple of months. Start back in December by hitting a few balls.”

“Alright. I’ll be good. I promise.”

It’s been three weeks since the reconstructive surgery. It feels like a milestone even though I am a week away from being able to open and close heavy doors, vacuum, wash floors, dust, and wipe down counters. Dang! Now that I think about it, maybe I should wait until five weeks, just in case…

Meanwhile, I find that reciting these words while doing my exercises helps me with the count.

We must. We must. We must increase our bust.

The bigger the better, the tighter the sweater. We must increase our bust.

Previous Boob Report

For more Boob Reports, click here.

Breast Cancer Information

Breast Reconstruction after Mastectomy

135 thoughts on “The Boob Report – Buns Up!

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    1. I know right????? Like shopping, going out to lunch, going to the movies…. Actually I just got back from a writer’s conference and I learned so much that now I have a ton of writing to do! Don’t worry. I will get out of my chair and do something pleasurable. 🙂

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  1. Haha – I remember that chant. I think I overdid it too, when I was a teenager … so be careful!!! So good to hear all is well. I’m thinking of you while we are back in Nice enjoying la belle vie! I’ll be in Antibes all day tomorrow, hanging with friends, and doing some prep work for my book signing at the English Bookstore on Oct. 4th. Wish you were here!!!

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    1. You overdid the boob exercises??? Hahaha! Did you pull a pectoral muscle?
      That is sooooo cool that you will be doing a book signing. I wish I was there too. 🙂 What an amazing place. Thanks so much Patricia! I want to hear all about it on the 5th! I am sure it will be a huge success! don’t forget to put your poster up at Choopy advertising your signing!!

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  2. Well they may be hamburger buns, but they’ll never be soggy, I mean saggy. Silver lining!

    You’ve been a trooper through all of this and in a few more weeks, it’ll all just be water under the bridge to laugh about in the future.

    Keep on hanging in there, Susie! We’re all there squeezing your breasts right along with you. Wait, that didn’t sound right. You know what I mean.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

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    1. Hahaha! I know exactly what you mean and for that I am thankful!
      I love the saggy I mean soggy boobs! Hilarious. See everyone is getting the “hang” of this boob humor! (There has got to be a joke in that last sentence, but I just got back from a writer’s conference and I am sooo tired!) 🙂
      Thanks Patricia!

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  3. I can’t remember we’re out of milk, but there I was knowing every last word to that chant! Glad all went well with the procedure…NOW BEHAVE yourself so you heal properly. 2 hoagie rolls aren’t nearly as attractive as hamburger buns.

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    1. Hahaha! I love it! You are right. I am avoiding the hoagie roll result of not letting them heal.
      I thought of that chant as soon as he told me the exercise. I wonder if he has heard it? I’ll ask him next time… 🙂
      Thanks Lisa!

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  4. You are totally rocking it! You will be the envy of everyone when you’re 80 yrs. old and will still be able to wear a tank top, bra-less, and look like a 20 yr. old. Glad you’re taking your doc’s advice and are letting things heal. I am recovering from tendon surgery in one of my feet, and am finally a few weeks into PT. As things are getting better and better, it’s hard to not push it too much. I want to walk again so very much!

    So glad you’re doing well!

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    1. At least my boobs will look younger when I am old!
      That sounds painful. Feet are so sensitive! Be careful. I gotta believe you are doing a lot of stretching exercises. Are you in a boot?
      Thanks so much!

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        1. That is good news!
          I was in a boot for two months after tearing my Achilles and couldn’t walk three steps afterward. Three months later I ran the Bolder Boulder! Baby steps, literally!
          You’ll get there!

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  5. “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.” Bwahahaha! Loved the end reference to that book. I love the way you’re maintaining your spirit and sense of fun while you’re becoming bionic. 🙂

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    1. The chant predates Judy Blume’s book, I am sorry to admit! She stole the old chant that even my mother-in-law knew from when she was in school!
      It is easy to rock the positive attitude. I am just so glad I went in for a mammogram when I did!!!!!
      Thanks Kitt!

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  6. We must, we must, we must increase our buns! I mean, bust! I had forgotten about that one girl. LOL! Yet, this one, “He took both breasts in his hands. “Push them together at a right angle for a count of ten. Do this exercise ten times, twice a day.” Seriously? Are you kidding me? Oh good grief Susie, I cannot believe what you’ve been through. And the underwire. OUCH! You have my undying sympathy. I just hope this is episode of your life is over soon. But normal? What is that? lol. If you can find it let me know. Take care and behave! Love, Karen.

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    1. Thanks Karen! The exercises aren’t a big deal, but the bra is uncomfortable. I keep thinking if I didn’t need to wear one, I wouldn’t feel any discomfort by now. After all I’ve been through it is hard to complain.
      Most of the time, I forget all about them!
      🙂

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  7. When I saw the title of this post in my email, I thought – Buns up? Did she decide to have her buns lifted while she was at it? And then I clicked through and saw the photos. Holy mother of Majorca! That’s a whole lot of inflating and rolling up and zip, zip, stuffing going on, Susie. It’s really serious stuff, but oh, the way you tell it. I was feeling bad for what you had to go through, but laughing at the same time! Into the home stretch now . . . bigger and better . . .

    No one shares quite like you, and with such style!

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    1. Oh thanks Mary!
      I am just reporting about my journey, bunlike boobs and all!
      I was at a writer’s conference all weekend and most of the time forgot all about them! I did warn people who were going to check out my blog. I didn’t want to freak anyone out. but now that I think about it, I did anyway! 🙂

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  8. When I was a teenager, we said that chant, too, but the last line was…..the bigger the better, the tighter the sweater, the boys are depending on us! Lol!

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  9. Gives new meaning to “Buttering your buns”!

    Leave it to you to make light of a sensitive subject matter and offer some laughs. You have been terrific through all of this. Sounds like you are making a great recovery!

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    1. The best bread breasts ever!
      Thanks so much for the boob support and reblog Jim! I just got back from a writer’s conference and remembered this Boob Report post when I saw all the buns in the refrigerator! 🙂

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  10. All the best for a full recovery – hope all goes well. And – as always – I have to admire your tremendous courage for facing down something so serious with such totally indomitable spirit and cheerfulness, which is always the best way to recover – and then sharing your story with your readers – an inspiration to any others facing the same issues. Good on you!

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  11. LOL. Did you make up that rhyme at the end? That’s hysterical.

    Make sure you listen to the doc and take it easy. I know you’re ready to be off on another adventure, but heal up, friend. Thanks for keeping us posted on the boob report. Who knew about the hamburger buns…

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    1. I heard the rhyme back in grammar school on the playground. I think a lot of girls pressed their palms together and did the exercise along with the chant when they were at home… Not me. I never really believed anything would help my AA boobs back then!!!
      I am doing great and am being careful. Honest!
      Thanks Jess!

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