An Open Letter to My Boobs

Dear Bionic Boobs,

I know you’ve been adjusting to your new digs since the reconstruction surgery seven months ago. I’ve protected you from wild elbows, supported you with a bra, and exercised you by smooshing you girls together. (Doctor’s orders.) You seem happy enough and pretty perky.

I do have some concerns.

One night, I looked down and you had wandered off to the sides of my chest. You left four inches between you two. I almost had a heart attack. I thought I’d torn something while vacuuming.  As you know, I’ve started wearing a sport’s bra to bed to corral you at night, so I don’t wake up and freak out.  I wish you girls would stick together.

Although you’re shaped like hamburger buns and aren’t huge by any means, you weigh more than my old boobs. In fact, you’re a little on the hefty side. The doctor suggested some exercises to build muscles in my back to keep from hunching over.

I thought I’d never need to wear a bra again, but apparently some of your sisters have sagged. I’ve been instructed to wear one when I’m active. Bummer. You’re a little wrinkly when you’re just hanging out, but I refuse to get a fat transfer. You’ll have to get used to that.

You look totally fake and I’m sure some people will stare and roll their eyes this summer. They’ll think I had a boob job. I can always wear this t-shirt.



I have noticed some very positive attributes since your arrival.

During ski season, your sacks of silicone acted like hot water bottles and kept me warm. I don’t know how that will translate during the summer. I plan to open the freezer door in the grocery store to cool you down before hitting the hot asphalt parking lot. You may work like refrigeration units!

My doctor informed me I wouldn’t play tennis like before my double mastectomy, but since I’ve been back, I’ve played better. It must be the new ballast your weight provides when using centrifugal force as I swing through the ball. You seem to put more velocity into every shot.

When wearing a bra, you do rise to the occasion and give me pretty nice cleavage. I can’t complain about that!

I’m sure we are still adapting to this new arrangement. You probably don’t like it when I roll onto my stomach. I felt a twinge of pain the last time. It gives me hope my nerves are waking up and you girls won’t continue to be numb.

I may never get used to the constant feeling of plastic sacks under my pectoral muscles, but I’m glad I opted for reconstruction. Even though you’re not what I expected, you’re growing on me.

Your Host,
Susie Lindau


Click HERE for the first Boob Report in the series.

Thanks to Darla from She’s a Maineiac for the Open Letter idea. 

The t-shirt is from Cafe Press

Click for more of my wild Colorado life and travel adventures!

I wrote a letter to my bionic boobs. They had to be put in their place after a double boobectomy. Inspirational breast cancer stories, health, entertainment, funny blog posts, comedy, humor, life lessons, personal growth, positivity #humor #breastcancer #cancer #health #funnyblogposts

438 thoughts on “An Open Letter to My Boobs

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      1. Haha. yeah, it definitely will. The seasons part is interesting. We don’t experience them around here. (I’m Kenyan)


    1. I know! What a fantastic week for us!
      Hey, I know all of the puns and have used most of them, but I came up with a new name for them today. Silicone sisters! Hahaha! I’ll have to use that one in the next Boob Report!
      Thanks for stopping by Paul!


    1. Right??? I never would have even considered an augmentation, but I just had to have something even if they are totally fake Barbie boobs!
      The t-shirt is hilarious. I can’t wait to wear it.
      Thanks for stopping by to read Catherine!


      1. I was planning to reblog it but you make me feel bad… I wa just showing some support.. That’s all… I don’t copy posts and if I have to.. I will fully acknowledge your handwork… Don’t pick on me for appreciating your write-up..

        It does not relate to my area… I just appreciate your work alright…

        A lot of write-ups about boobs been on.. But u like the angle you came at which is almost like everyone… I just appreciate it.. Was that too much to do.. Anyways.. Nice writing…. Little blogger growing (


  1. Hahaha! What a perfectly perky post! I am sure your headlights are shining in all their freshly pressed glory. Great letter. And so encouraging to read how great y’all are doing together. I wish you all a long and unflappy life. 🙂


    1. Thanks so much Angelia! It was a crazy weekend!
      I am better. I can’t believe what a difference a year makes. Last year at exactly the same time was the worst ever. I had just been diagnosed. This year is the BEST!


      1. I can’t imagine! But I do know many survivors and I am just in awe of the life transformation. I have a photo on Flickr I took of my friend last year. I have followed her journey and used this quote I found.

        Really happy for you! And your inspirational story.


  2. Hello! My name is Nymphe Foresther. Do yo want to perform web banner exchange with me ? I have traffic on my blog so if we join ours then we have more together… More info about me ? Just click my avatar profile picture or name. Thanks. N.F.


  3. Such a great feeling being able to do something that the doctors told you couldn’t! Glad you’re better! Well done! x


    1. Thanks Jessie! I think it’s all about being optimistic. I am ridiculous! Ask any of my tennis partners. We can be down 0-5 and I’ll say, “We’ve got them right where we want them…”
      Stop back anytime! It’s always a Wild Ride!


    1. Awwww! Thanks so much!
      I do have a few more Boob Reports in mind. One of them about nipples. Mastectomy patients generally don’t get to keep them, so there are options for reconstruction. Boobs are funny, but nipples are hilarious!


  4. Boobs. Well lemme tell ya, I am not going to be the stupid male jerk that makes a stupid male jerk comment here. If I make a comment the people will know I am a stupid male jerk so I will avoid commenting here about bazooombas.


  5. Susie, what a wonderful, challenging picture you have drawn! You are a star. Hope the girls and you are doing wonderfully well . 🙂 Have shared this on my blog. Lots of love.


    1. Thank you so much! The girls have “fit right in,” and are getting along great! The wandering still happens, but I’m adjusting to their nocturnal habits… 🙂
      Stop by the Wild Ride anytime!


    1. Thanks LD!
      I chose to go through my “journey” with my sense of humor in tact! Not that I always used tact! My “silicone sisters” have provided all kinds of fodder for The Boob Reports!
      Stop by again soon. It’s always a Wild Ride around here!


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