An Open Letter to My Boobs

Dear Bionic Boobs,

I know you’ve been adjusting to your new digs since the reconstruction surgery seven months ago. I’ve protected you from wild elbows, supported you with a bra, and exercised you by smooshing you girls together. (Doctor’s orders.) You seem happy enough and pretty perky.

I do have some concerns.

One night, I looked down and you had wandered off to the sides of my chest. You left four inches between you two. I almost had a heart attack. I thought I’d torn something while vacuuming.  As you know, I’ve started wearing a sport’s bra to bed to corral you at night, so I don’t wake up and freak out.  I wish you girls would stick together.

Although you’re shaped like hamburger buns and aren’t huge by any means, you weigh more than my old boobs. In fact, you’re a little on the hefty side. The doctor suggested some exercises to build muscles in my back to keep from hunching over.

I thought I’d never need to wear a bra again, but apparently some of your sisters have sagged. I’ve been instructed to wear one when I’m active. Bummer. You’re a little wrinkly when you’re just hanging out, but I refuse to get a fat transfer. You’ll have to get used to that.

You look totally fake and I’m sure some people will stare and roll their eyes this summer. They’ll think I had a boob job. I can always wear this t-shirt.

yes_theyre_fake_breast_cancer_womens_tank_top

 

I have noticed some very positive attributes since your arrival.

During ski season, your sacks of silicone acted like hot water bottles and kept me warm. I don’t know how that will translate during the summer. I plan to open the freezer door in the grocery store to cool you down before hitting the hot asphalt parking lot. You may work like refrigeration units!

My doctor informed me I wouldn’t play tennis like before my double mastectomy, but since I’ve been back, I’ve played better. It must be the new ballast your weight provides when using centrifugal force as I swing through the ball. You seem to put more velocity into every shot.

When wearing a bra, you do rise to the occasion and give me pretty nice cleavage. I can’t complain about that!

I’m sure we are still adapting to this new arrangement. You probably don’t like it when I roll onto my stomach. I felt a twinge of pain the last time. It gives me hope my nerves are waking up and you girls won’t continue to be numb.

I may never get used to the constant feeling of plastic sacks under my pectoral muscles, but I’m glad I opted for reconstruction. Even though you’re not what I expected, you’re growing on me.

Sincerely,
Your Host,
Susie Lindau

 

Click HERE for the first Boob Report in the series.

Thanks to Darla from She’s a Maineiac for the Open Letter idea. 

The t-shirt is from Cafe Press

Click for more of my wild Colorado life and travel adventures!

I wrote a letter to my bionic boobs. They had to be put in their place after a double boobectomy. Inspirational breast cancer stories, health, entertainment, funny blog posts, comedy, humor, life lessons, personal growth, positivity #humor #breastcancer #cancer #health #funnyblogposts

435 thoughts on “An Open Letter to My Boobs

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    1. Thanks so much! I will!
      It will be fun to wear it during the summer and see the reaction. I will do a follow up post!
      Thanks so much for stopping by the Wild Ride!

      Like

  1. I loved it. Your letter to your bionic boobs is great. That is sure to bring lots of inspiration to others going through the same thing. Way to go on seeing the positive out of things.

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    1. Thanks Lacie!
      They really do have minds of their own. I’m still wrestling with them at night, but I can’t complain. It’s been over a year and I have a clean bill of health! Woohoo!

      Like

        1. Thank you so much! I had no idea how worried I was until after the blood tests. I need to write an update and a few more chapters including an open letter from my boobs.

          Like

  2. Again, another good read. I like your attitude Susie, very positive for sure and a fine example to other women who may be going through this right now. It shows there is hope that things won’t always seem so bleak.

    Enjoy your boobs, they look good on ya and it’d be great to read some more letters some time to see how you three are getting along. haha 😛

    ~Mark

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  3. Loved this post! i’m a fellow survivor. I don’t know why doctors like to deny tennis players their sport after they’ve had breast cancer surgery. Mine said tennis was not a good idea because I’d had the axillary lymph node dissection and my arm’s at risk of lymphedema. I’ve got a match tonight — most nights, in fact — but this is the league finals. I’m happily swinging away!

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    1. Thanks so much! I’m so glad to hear that, Kalison! Good luck with your match. I haven’t played league tennis in a while, but I still play.
      When was your surgery?

      Like

  4. Oh, boobs. How great they are! I’m happy the bionic duo have helped your tennis game and given you some nice cleavage. The heating feature is also nice.
    You are so great. I’m glad you and your ladies are here and still (four years later) a joy to read about. Though I do hope they’ve settled in.

    Like

    1. They have settled in but still wrestle their way to the outside of chest every night when laying on my back. 🙂
      They’ll celebrate their birthday sometime in August. It took a couple of months after my boobectomies to make room for them under my chest wall. Pretty strange operations. And really strange when I flex them!

      Like

    1. I know! They do keep me warm and my skin is cool on the outside. My boob implants were the result of complete reconstruction after breast cancer so I don’t have anything other than silicone!
      Thanks for reading, Diana!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Susie, I absolutely love your writing in this letter. Honesty, humor, and wit are all there and work perfectly together. My favorite paragraph: “My doctor informed me I wouldn’t play tennis like before my double mastectomy, but since I’ve been back, I’ve played better. It must be the new ballast your weight provides when using centrifugal force as I swing through the ball. You seem to put more velocity into every shot.” – PRICELESS!

    Congratulations on how far you’ve come (I keep up with your posts), and thank you for always sharing your journey with us.

    Like

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