What To Do When You Piss Off A Body Part

photo (1)I’m going on seven weeks since my partial knee replacement. I’m still laying in bed taking it easy and elevating while icing. I hate ice. Why can’t heat reduce swelling?

I went to my six week checkup on Monday not knowing what to expect. It’s never good when your doctor starts out by saying, “I expected you to be so much farther along. You’re at least two weeks behind.” He thought I’d be healed up and ready to ski and play tennis.

GAH! What the hell happened?

“Your knee is really angry. You need to calm it down.”

I looked at my pissed off knee and thought, What did I ever do to you? I’ve always loved my knobby knees. Oh yeah. I guess amputating bone and messed up cartilage then replacing it with a metal plate and plastic could put me on your shit list. Sorry!

He suggested draining my swollen knee and suspected an infection could be brewing deep inside the joint.

“I think my problem with swelling started with the two-a-day blood thinner stomach shots.” Oh yes. They were a joy. I suspect that my sliced and diced muscle never healed. “I think it’s still bleeding,” I added and pointed to a bruise which had taken up residence since surgery.

My doctor disagreed and prepped my knee. After what seemed like 50 bee stings with a pencil-sized needle, he pulled 20 cc’s of blood out of my knee joint. Ha! Told yah so, I thought.

Because my pissed off knee hadn’t been stuck enough, he jabbed me one more time and flooded it with a liter of steroids. He told me the anti-inflammatory would kick in after five days and fast-track my recovery. I expect a huge breakthrough over the weekend. *looks heavenward*

The lab results came back negative. Woohoo! But the injection site and above has become super sore over the last few days. I called the doctor and he said, “That’s normal. Take it easy.” Are you kidding me? That’s all I’ve been doing!

Recovery has left me with too much time on my hands. 

  • I began recording a vlog. It could take weeks or a film crew.
  • I created a new time suck, #susiesfriends, on Twitter and asked everyone to tag a friend. Yep. Just like on the playground in grade school. Join me and save my sanity! 
  • I’ve been sucked into the social media vortex. I check blog stats, Tumblr, email, Twitter, Facebook, blog stats, Stumbleupon, read new posts, blog stats, Twitter, blog stats, refresh blog stats, and then refresh stats again. Is this the slowest week for blogging ever or what?

cute puppy

  • I’ve attempted to teach Roxy new tricks like, “Fetch me lunch. Fill my ice machine. Push my cell phone so I can reach it. Bring a water bottle with you the next time you come upstairs.” She hasn’t shown much interest, but is really good at cuddling while I ice. I’m so freakin’ sick of ice.
  • I’ve written a couple blog posts, rewritten a screenplay and seven chapters of my first book. I’m not bragging, just bored.

I can’t wait until I’m so exhausted from running around all day, I fall into my bed sans ice machine and wonder when life will slow down so I can take it easy.

What do you like to do when you have a lot of time on your hands? Have you ever pissed off a body part?

You may have missed my post about SIRI. Did you know she’s REAL? Check it out by clicking HERE!

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