I’ve overheard a lot of wild conversations. I’m an eavesdropper by nature. Shh! Don’t tell anyone… It can be very entertaining.
Here are three conversations I’ve overheard. I just had to share:
#1. While visiting Malibu, I walked through a parking a lot filled with sports cars and other gleaming top-of-the-line vehicles. A middle-aged couple walked toward me while holding hands. The man talked in a loud voice for my benefit, I’m sure.
“What was I supposed to say to the guy? Yes, I loved your script, especially the part when they humped in every scene.”
Dogs? Teenagers? Who knows? Gotta love Malibu.
#2. While hiking on a trail north of Malibu, I overheard a wild story. Two young ladies leaned in while another spoke. I tried to keep up with their brisk pace.
“My friend, George, who worked as a waiter, flew in from London for a few days. It was his birthday. We went out to celebrate, but he drank way too much and got wasted really early. When he realized he was making a fool of himself, he went outside to get some fresh air.
He walked out to the alley, sat down next to a dumpster and fell sound asleep. At one point, he woke up because his shoes felt too tight, so he took them off. Then he crashed out again.
We didn’t know where he went, so we stayed at the bar and hoped he would show up before they closed.
When he woke up a little later, a few hookers had gathered around him. He tried to stand up. One of them was concerned and said, ‘Babe, you don’t look so good. Can we help you get home?’
‘My friends are inside,’ he said, so two of the hookers helped him to his feet and brought him back into the bar.
When he stumbled over to us, I noticed he was barefoot and carrying his shoes. I asked him why he wasn’t wearing them.
‘My shoes are too tight.’
We helped him over to a booth and looked at his feet. Then we totally freaked out. While he slept in the alley, someone had driven over them. He never felt a thing.
We took him to the hospital. He had all kinds of broken bones. He had blown his money on the plane ticket and had a huge hospital bill. He flew home on crutches with casts on his feet.”
I couldn’t hear the rest over all the giggles and the oh, my Gods. Poor George. If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear about your recovery.
#3. One weekend in September, I walked out of a Boulder, Target store and overheard a tall CU student. He spoke loudly on his phone.
“I bagged a heifer,” he said with a thick Texas accent. I imagined laughter on the other end of the line. “No, she’s really cute.” The receiver of the call must have argued. “No, no, no. She’s my girlfriend.” He paused and then said, “Isn’t that what they call a female buffalo?”
A misfired joke about dating a young woman who attends CU. Their mascot is a buffalo.
Here are the morals of the three overheard stories:
#1. Sex sells, but oversaturation in any medium can get old and tired and so would the actors. *budumbum*
#2. Binge drinking can get anyone into loads of trouble. Remember the buddy system and steel-toed boots.
#3. Be careful when trying to impress your friends. They might get the idea that you’re misogynistic or need a lesson in Dad jokes. By the way, a female buffalo is a cow. Not much better.
Have you overheard a conversation worth remembering?
Random Acts of Chat – Dave Barry, Stephen King, Erma Bombeck and Jesus walk into a bar…
When People Think You’re Crazy – I entertained others with my conversation with me, myself and I, in a grocery store.