Why COVID-19 Could Make This the BEST HOLIDAY SEASON EVER!

To use the word unprecedented to describe 2020 is as overused as the discourse marker, look. Have you noticed how many news anchors and politicians say that word before making a statement? Look, you’re not the only one. As the holidays squat upon us, tension and stress squeeze below our solar plexus. Memories of unmet holiday expectations, uninvited guests, differing opinions, and over-spending bubble up like heartburn and give the easiest going person an anxiety attack. This year, the convergence of the coronavirus and the elections will make it an extra trifecta of fun.

But wait.

This could be the best holiday season ever, and COVID-19 could be the reason.

Want to be a responsible citizen? Don’t entertain. Hosting could cause the spread of the disease. Relax and enjoy the holidays instead.

Does your family plan to come to your house anyway? Gift-giving has never been easier. Present your guests with fabulous and thoughtful gifts at the door. They will love the Christmas stockings stuffed with masks, wipes, and hand sanitizer. You’ll bring a smile to their faces, and you won’t have to worry if they sneeze.

Support local restaurants. Keep them from going out of business and order out instead of preparing ginormous and time-consuming holiday meals. It’s the perfect excuse this year.

What if your Aunt Edna brings a guest and he doesn’t look so healthy? Move the celebration outdoors. Be sure to maintain proper social distancing and wear a mask, just in case. While you’re outside, expose your skin to the sun and manufacture Vitamin D to ramp up your immune system. The rays will prevent the winter blues from seeping into your sunny psyche, destroying all the optimism enjoyed during 2020.

What if it’s snowing or raining? Call it an old-fashioned Christmas party and sing holiday songs. Wrap Edna in a blanket. Give her an umbrella, boots, and mittens if she needs them. If she isn’t down for your new tradition, maybe she and her sick friend will leave early. Dang.

What if an anti-masker guest is persistent about the will of Earth to kill a few million people, and she doesn’t care if you or she are one of them and she appears feverish? Put on a mask, immediately, change the subject to politics, and take the opposing view while insulting her intelligence. Make her angry enough to leave. Whew. COVID SPREADER AVERTED.

What if you entertain perfect guests who have tested negative for COVID, they brought lots of gifts and holiday cheer but overheard you talking about the presidential election and chime in with their opinions, upsetting other guests, or worse, you? Why do you think they schedule football games on holidays? If the diversion tactic doesn’t work, sneeze a few times and throw in a couple of coughs for good measure. Watch your petulant guests fly out the door.

Now, you’re home alone for the holidays, and it sucks. Pamper yourself. Think of all the money you saved this year while staying at home. Order a fabulous meal and watch your favorite shows on TV. Make a Christmas list and shop online. Enjoy the magic of the holidays when your gifts appear on the doorstep.

You’ll stimulate the economy, saving jobs and helping others during this unprecedented holiday season. Look, COVID-19 might be the best thing that ever happened to the holidays.

Stay safe and healthy. Happy holidays, my friends!