A Very Foolish Easter Prank!

When I found out Easter and April Fools’ Day would collide this year, I had to prank everyone to make them look foolish. To even the score, I planned to dress up as a foolish Easter bunny. Oh, those best-laid plans that pave my way to hell. I arrived in the mountains to celebrate Easter weekend but forgot my April Fools props. Dang!

I perused the decimated Easter aisle at City Market but was pleasantly surprised to discover a few strange treats perfect for a Foolish Easter. Apparently, coconut covered marshmallows and pancake and maple syrup Peeps are a thing! I also bought a few packages of chocolates in bug foil.

April fools Easter treats

Once Easter morning arrived, the strange but tasty treats didn’t seem like enough foolishness especially since my daughter’s boyfriend brought a few friends up for the weekend. I needed to do something big. Pull a prank. Something….humiliating.

Then I had a brilliant idea. YES!

Watch the video to see one of my best April Fools’ Day pranks ever! Click to play the video and turn on the sound in the bottom righthand corner!

Ha! They were surprised.

Do you like to prank people on April Fools’ Day? Did you pull any shenanigans this year?

Click for more adventure on the Wild Ride.

Related posts:

A little April Fools Fun – Do You Know What Day This Is?

KO’d by Karma

How to Be a Gaper – A Photo Essay

Notorious Colorado Weather – A Photo Essay with a little Bahahaha!

Dogs Have Bad Hair Days Too!

I’ve had bad haircuts. One was so bad, I looked like I had ears like a dog! This photo was taken on an especially wild hair day.

bad hair day susielindau

I’ll admit our Bichon, Roxy, had become a shaggy dog. I had the perfect plan. After returning from a vacation at Lake Tahoe, I’d pick her up from the kennel and drive her to the groomer. Little did I know she would come home looking like a rat.

go for a walk

My first clue that something might go awry was when a groomer I’d never seen before dropped to her knees and scanned her entire coat as if searching for fleas.

She told me Roxy would be done at 2:00. I drove home and dug into work after being on vacation for a week. The writing vortex sucked me right in. When I looked at the clock and it read 3:00, I figured the pet grooming business was booming. When it was 4:00, I gave them a call.

“She’s all done!” said the cheerful voice on the line. I happily jumped in the car and drove to Longmont, pleased with my plan. She would be clean, exhausted and would sleep for a week!

I paid the sixty dollars and they promptly brought her from the back room. Only it wasn’t Roxy. This dog was hairless!

Rat dog after the groomer

For some strange reason, the groomer decided her entire coat including her tail was matted, (which wasn’t true) so she scalped her! Those are her freckles you’re seeing.

Dogs have bad hair days too

Roxy reminded me of Dobby from Harry Potter. She shivered at my feet. I grew up with Cockapoos that needed to be sheared twice a year. I swear they became embarrassed after losing their comfortable fur coats. Roxy was no different.

While sitting in the car, I checked her tail The tip had been nipped! Are you kidding me? Talk about insult to injury or in this case, the other way around.

That’s when my daughter texted me. I texted her the top photo. You shouldn’t have to pay for that. Especially since their tails are sensitive! I looked at Roxy’s soulful eyes and stormed back inside.

To say I was pissed would be an understatement. The lady who groomed her had conveniently left for the day. The manager looked Roxy over and offered a full refund.

But what about Roxy?

It has snowed the last two days! She hates wearing a sweater but shivers with the slightest breeze. You can see the veins in her bare naked ears. She needs a hat. And a glove for her skinned tail!

Honestly, the tail. I mean, look at her tail! It’s like a rat tail and it’s pink like her bare ears. It will take a long time before she looks like a normal dog again.

“It’s okay, Roxy. It will grow back.”

It will grow back

So if you have a bad hair day, just remember, you’re not alone. Roxy and I feel you.

Have your pets ever suffered under the hands of someone incompetent? Have you ever suffered under the hands of someone incompetent?

Click for more wild adventures on the Wild Ride!

Related posts:

Dodging Bullets and Creepy Crawlers

Disaster Area in My Rear View a Very Bad Hair Day

Roxy, the Bravest Bichon in the West?

 

Fantastic Meme Found in Crested Butte

bikes leaning across trail Telluride

Danny and I biked on a trail through Crested Butte. As we rode out of town, we noticed a gathering of people taking pictures. We dropped our bikes, walked up to the cement post, and cracked up.

Things I hate meme from Crested Butte

I would love to meet the person who graffitied it. This is my kind of humor.

If you had the opportunity and courage to graffiti, what would yours say?

Mine would say:

Things I love –

1 . Respect for property

2 . Natural selection

3 . Sarcasm

I still like the other one better.

Have you ever graffitied anything? A wall? A desk? A tree? Would you?

Need a Susie Whisperer? Random Acts of Chat

This photo is begging for a caption dogs begging for treats

My husband, Danny, and I watched the Dog Whisperer on TV last Saturday. An aggressive Ridgeback named George needed to learn submissive behavior. When leashed, he disobeyed his owners and picked up rocks along the trail.

So the dog picks up a rock and that’s a terrible thing because… I sipped my coffee and half-listened while skimming the newspaper.

The show’s host, Caesar Millan, explained the root problem for most aggressive behavior: Insecurity.

My ears perked up. That sounded a lot like human behavior.

Caesar planned to introduce George to a huge pack of similar size dogs including Rottweilers and Pit Bulls. He mentioned if he didn’t show control over George when introduced to the pack, the Ridgeback would be attacked and torn apart.

Well, that seemed risky. More than twenty humongous dogs circled Caesar and poor George inside the enclosure, but I trusted Caesar. *gulp*

Caesar unsnapped George’s leash and the dog’s tail and ears descended. George snarled. Caesar sprang to action and cornered George. He commanded him to lay down. He never touched the dog or praised it.

When George showed calm behavior, ears and tail up, he was allowed to check out the group. The pack took turns sniffing the new dog in all the best smelly dog places. Accepted, the Ridgeback had a wild romp with others in the pack.

Later, Caesar introduced rocks to George. The Ridgeback looked at him like, why would I want to play with those stupid things when I have all these fine canine friends?”

Reunited with his owners, George walked down a rocky trail and ignored rocks and other dogs. His owners couldn’t believe the dog’s transformation.

Credits rolled at the end of the show.

ME: Wow! Did you see that? One minute he was freaking out and the next, the dog was having a blast. He just needed to know Caesar was in control.

DANNY: I need a Susie Whisperer.

ME: I have one. They’re called writers conferences. *wags tail*

 

Shhh! Don’t Tell Anyone!

Do you remember the last time someone said to you, “Don’t tell anybody, but…”

I would be willing to bet that if you were hooked up to a monitor, your heart rate increased along with your blood pressure.

I bet that you leaned in a little and your voice got lower in pitch and you began speaking in a hushed tone.

I bet that your eyes looked away if you were in a crowd to make sure that without even knowing what top secret information would be passed along, you wanted to be sure that no one else could hear.

I would even be willing to bet that if the person said, “oh, never mind,” that your curiosity would be peaked and you would be very disappointed and frustrated. You might even say, “You can tell me. I can keep a secret.” Continue reading

Mischief and Madness – 300 Word Flash Fiction

The wind had slammed into the old Gothic Revival all evening. Camille Hastings shivered from a draft from which she couldn’t escape. She zipped up her velour hoodie. Her grandmother had been taken in for observation and Camille had offered to take care of her pets. While watching old horror movies, one of her three cats darted by.

The cable went dead and she turned off the static.  A scraping sound came from behind. She sprang from the Victorian sofa and gazed around the antique laden parlor. The blank dull eyes of a pair of statues seemed to glare at her from the top of a table.

***

She crossed the room and every hair on her body stood erect. She spun around to look at the porcelain busts and her gut clenched. Their eyes seemed to narrow as their grins grew broad.

She switched off the lights and walked through the dining room into the kitchen. I’m imagining things. While reaching for a glass from the cabinet, the overhead light flickered and a dark shadowy figure streaked by. “What the Hell?” She grabbed a knife from the drawer and searched the house. The three cats stretched out on the couch without concern. She climbed the stairs to the bedroom where she slid under the cold comforter and drifted off to sleep.

***

Camille awoke to footsteps. Her heart pounded. The glimmer of fading moonlight peaked between the curtains. Her eyes scanned the room, but no one was there. She glanced over at the bedside table. The carving knife glinted in the pale shaft of light. The alarm clock read 5:47. When Camille sat up to stretch, she let out a blood-curdling scream. The sibling statues stared at her with twin maniacal grins from the dresser at the foot of her bed.

~~~

“Mrs. Hastings, time for your medication. No more hallucinations?”

She shook her head and thought, I hope James and Judith leave Camille alone.

 When was the last time you were truly frightened?

Flash Fiction in 3 – 100 word chapters – The Halloween Friday Fright-fest continues!

Photo by S. Lindau 

The Mother of Invention

GE Vscan

In the 45 years since the television show Star Trek first aired, many of its gizmos and gadgets have become commonplace.  Almost everyone owns a communicator we call the cell phone. The device Lt. Uhura wore over her ear to speak to random beings in the universe and others on board is now known as Bluetooth. GPS, oversized flat screens, the PC, and computer tablet are now owned by users across the world. The tricorder that Dr. McCoy used to diagnose patients will soon be on the market and the cordless ultrasound called the GE Vscan also has some of these capabilities.

Although I look forward to new technology predicted in futuristic films, the computerized recognition sales technique used in Minority Report had me cringing. In that movie technology had moved into the phase of identification through the lens of the individual’s eyeball. Tom Cruise who played John Anderton strode through a mall where holograms spoke to each individual shopper walking by and tried to sell them their latest product. A voice said, “Welcome back to the Gap Mr. Yakimoto. How did those assorted tank tops work out for you?” John Anderton mutters, “Mr. Yakimoto,” even though it appears he is wearing a Gap tank top.

This weekend I stopped at Target and froze when I heard the sound of a commercial coming from the end cap of the aisle which seemed to run on a loop. The unnerving quality of the intrusion into my otherwise quiet thought process while shopping made me wonder how much longer it would be before it has the capability to sell me items based on past purchases. I stood next to a customer staring at the shelves for an inordinate amount of time and wondered if she was waiting for me to leave before she chose a particular ointment. How embarrassing would it be if a voice from an advertisement next to a product said, “Hello Ms. Lindau. How is that hemorrhoidal cream working for you?” or “Are you back for more tampons? You purchased Playtex Gentle Glide last time.” How personal will personalized shopping get? I would never get my husband Danny to pick up feminine hygiene products for me.

keyless car key pad

The latest in car keys – the keyless pad

Some inventions have brought a brand new set of frustrations with them. Have you ever mislaid your TV remote or cordless home telephone? It can be a nightmare when you lose your cellular phone and the battery dies so you can’t use its ringtone to find it. The automobile keyless entry and ignition seemed like a wonderful new development, but a problem arose for me. The new key is only a small lightweight black pad which can be misplaced easily. Why do manufacturers make everything in black? You only need to have this tiny instrument inside the car in order to start the engine. I have jumped in, pushed the ignition button, and driven somewhere only to discover that although the pad was somewhere in the car, it had vanished. Many times it has been dropped between the seats, misplaced in one of the six pockets of my tennis bag, and has slid underneath the seat when my purse tipped over. That tiny pad has hidden from me in the deepest and darkest recesses of the car. I know what you are thinking and I bought a huge key chain which has alleviated the problem, but whenever I don’t want something honking big in my purse or pocket, I unclip it and invariably lose the pad once again.

The invention of a universal locater would make life easier. It would be about 6 to 8 inches long and would come in several different bright colors that would glow in the dark. A wrist band for hanging it in a central location would be included. The unit would contain at least 5 different programmable color coded buttons. Coordinating computerized stickers would attach to the back of the most easily lost electronics. If the keyless pad was misplaced, I could simply push the color coded button and it would beep faster as I increased my proximity. Heck, it could have a read-out that would reveal its location or better yet, it could inform me through a speaker! I could use it for my sunglasses, garden tools, socks, … Of course it would have to come with its own locater in case it got lost.

Now if someone would invent a teleporter like the one in Star Trek I could throw out the keyless pad and say, “Beam me up Danny!”

Watch this if you think sales clerks can be pushy!